Hello Cage friends,
Oh it has been a glorious minute. I hope you've been doing well. I want to take a second to speak about the group of people who exist within the lifestyle.
There is such a wide variety of who composes the structure of the community. When you consider your area, your local community or the online community it's just those that you speak to, the blogs you read, the conversations had. While I have been slightly less active in responding to comments or even reading blogs as of late I still find such immense value in reaching out and holding a conversation. There is true power in finding a person to have a spirited debate with over a topic where you hold differing opinions. While there are toxic people, toxic viewpoints and people who make mistakes within choices, there is also an abundant amount of people looking for genuine advice, genuine communication. I truly find it so very interesting for my own growth when I meet new and interesting people, and through conversation you reach points of having to explain your viewpoint that can truly solidify your understanding of yourself.
I mean the best way to learn something and a sign of true mastery over a topic is being able to explain and teach it to someone else such that they begin to comprehend understanding. I currently engaged in a private conversation and throughout each moment I realized how much I've grown in a very short time. It was how I responded, the thought process behind the request asked of me, exploring why I was responding that way and how it all affected me. As the conversation progressed I began to look and see how my personal history actually could lend a slight insight into the situation and I've encountered a few moments where my history and my experience, my choices, and what I've lived through have immensely helped another person with their own growth. There are moments where I don't even realize how I'm helping, I am trying to address a completely different topic and yet the value and weight of my words can impart relief in an area that I didn't even realize I was helping with. But all of those things couldn't have been possible if I hadn't made the mistakes of my past. If I didn't have my previous experience I wouldn't have a leg to stand on because I would have zero experience that can relate to that situation. I felt deep regret over my mistakes, I felt shame, I felt remorse, I felt low and weak. I felt like I was an absolutely terrible human. But each of those low moments have now become spaces in which I can move forward, and offer a deeper insight because I've walked through them. My words are based on my history, and while it may not be the exact situation I have an understanding of what it could be like to live through that moment. I have understanding of that similar situation but from a different perspective. Offering that perspective and openly communicating with those within the community allows others to take my experience and grow from it. I am immensely proud that I was able to offer words that could radically shift someone's view of themself such that it improves their current relationships and experiences. Of course none of that could have been possible if I hadn't walked through my own failure.
I love this community because it helps me move forward, as much as I help those around me I am helped the same. Explaining my past, allowing my perspective to garner understanding and growth makes me realize the worth of the shit that I've seen. The shit I've caused. The pain I've created. So long as I actively choose to use those experiences for the benefit of myself and those who spend time communicating with me. I can't reach into my past and "fix" it. What I can do is move one step at a time towards something better. Using the history that is mine to assist those around me. The thing too is that while I've been able to bring new understanding, it's also the realization that anyone could have done that. I need to remember that as much as I'm capable and that I will and can affect change in someone's life it could have easily been another person offering that support. I just happened to be at the right place, at the right time, with the right experience to speak into a place that truly made a difference. Hearing "I've been waiting 13 years for someone to speak those words to me" makes my heart abundantly happy, beaming and flutter like a little school boy. When you say something so profound but don't even realize the depth to which you have actually shifted the situation. It's always such a surprise how my words can impart substantial change, but I love hearing how I have managed to take a burden and help lift some of the weight such that they are able to move forward on their own two legs. Allowing them the growth to work past those deep hidden traumas in a way that they could continue to move forward even if I wasn't there beside them. Because it's not about creating solutions that make that person dependant on you being beside them. If you have to continue to hold them up, you are nothing more than a crutch. It's about finding answers that allow them to move forward on their own, and it allows both of you to keep walking forward together each making the other stronger as you go. Each step forward becomes more confident and easier because you can support your own weight, and they are right beside you doing the exact same thing.
I read a blog the other day about leadership, and the type of leader you can be. In the blog the creator asked those who read to participate and share the type of leadership that speaks to you. I believe that leadership needs to be tailored to the specific person because what motivates one person could have absolutely no impact on another person with a different history. Some people are very independent and easily take on tasks by themself with little guidance or oversight. Some people need to be walked through each phase, supported and commended on each step being completed. I believe that leadership begins with understanding who you are dealing with. Understanding their personality type, what motivates them, where their strengths lie, and where they are weak. It takes understanding who works well together and who doesn't. It's about allowing synergy between all the people such that you collectively work towards the end goal. Some people need the big picture explained to them so they understand how the tiny piece they are working on comes into the entire process and how critical that small piece may be. I see all of these types of interactions within the community. Reaching out to someone more experienced in a particular type of play and gaining knowledge in that area to bolster your own ability, to begin to understand the how, why, and when's of that type of play. I'm realizing that if you work at building a solid connection with the different levels of the interaction you can build something beyond beautiful. It takes working on communication. It takes working at the vanilla interactions, it takes working at the d/s interactions, it takes building different areas of play and utilizing those spaces to assist in the most efficient way possible. It's a combination of all the parts, creating understanding, working together to build that thing together, understanding how to motivate your partner and what speaks to them. Part of all of that is knowing and understanding how their past has impacted them in all ways. But it's also in reaching out to those around you and learning from others with similar dynamics to what you are hoping to build. But also finding your way of moving through those spaces.
This community is beautiful, and I would not be as far along in my journey without all the people I've spent time speaking with. Finding this place, finding the people here has moved me forward leaps and bounds more than my entire lifetime. I am more myself, more confident, more at peace, more at home, more resolute. I deeply appreciate those who have offered me advice, those who have taken the time to speak with me. A simple conversation can truly bring about such significant change, and it's amazing to witness a community come together to help all of those who exist within it move forward in their respective journeys. I am honoured to have my place here, that I can have a space to voice my thoughts, opinions and perspectives. As a greenhorn I was given stupendous advice, I listened intently to what was being said, and I chose to work those lessons into my being. Now, I have been given a chance to assist those who are newer than myself and offer guidance towards creating a safe, sane, consensual community. Being able to impart the lessons I've learned and help grow a better community. One of understanding, one of acceptance regardless of kink. One of tolerance. In doing these small acts it promotes a better place, a space where those who interact from this point forward there may be a better chance for those people to find the right dynamic for them. At the end of the day, I wish all to be able to find themselves. To find the dynamic they need. To know their answers to the important questions and be able to search out safely the P/person for them.
Again to those who take the time to read my words I thank you for participating with me. I hope that we all actively work towards improving this community such that it continues to flourish.
As a little side note just some awesome that I recently observed and enjoyed. Hope you do too.
