Hello Cage friends,
This has been a post I've been thinking about for months now. I've ran it through my mind over and over.
To begin, if you happen to notice there is a change in my collar. I now hold ENM as my submissive. What the heck does that all mean???
Well Ethical Non Monogamy (ENM) is what I believe in. It is something that is felt down in the roots of my core being. I believe that there is potential for one person to fit every need, to be all you could ever desire, require, and attach yourself to. I also stand firm in the knowledge that is also not possible. Here's the rub though. To me, ENM is not about chasing skirts. It's not about running around like the cartoon wolf with his eyes popping out of his head. It's about what you require. It's about fulfilling a need. It's about honestly looking at yourself and evaluating. Asking, and acknowledging whatever kink is buried deep in your core being. What is mandatory to your existence. How you need this part of you to function, to be completely and wholly in alignment and satisfied with how you live your life.
When we consider our partners sometimes we reach a place of acknowledgement. When you can reach into a space and admit to yourself "I need to humiliate" or at the very least explore that area of life and how important it is to me. But you realize that the person you've been spending your time with holds a hard limit for those spaces. Do you go well "You aren't what I want, goodbye" and kick them to the curb? In my opinion it's a waste. It's not valuable. It's harmful, and detrimental to existing. Because this person sees me, helps me grow. She makes me a better man each day, and fills my heart with joy, my lungs with laughter, my days with purpose and interesting new facts and fun. I gain so much from her. I have GROWN so much in her presence. She is necessary, she is required, AND she is capable of holding appropriate space such that if we both see and acknowledge an area where I require something that exists outside of what she finds acceptable then I am free to pursue that. Now, this not only goes for me but this sentiment is returned. If there is an area that is left wanting, needing and is required that I am incapable of giving to her then she needs and has the ability to find and explore that area. It will be done respectfully. It will be done with open, honest, transparent communication.
It brings me immense joy to claim this amazing woman as an integral part of my life. She is the cornerstone of the future I need. She fits so perfectly into place, she gives me wisdom, grants me new insights, allows me to explore my dominance and take running bounds forward in my own progress. She is divine, gifted, brilliant, dedicated. She is everything I have ever wanted, needed or asked of in a woman. She challenges me, forces me to consider new perspectives and ideals. To really push who I am, and forge myself more clearly into the man I simply am.
She is The Velveteen Slave. She is Faith. She is my Delilah.
Our journey began together in a single message. After realizing the depths of this woman, I was asked to not speak to her directly. I had reached out when she was protected and we had a very few long messages to each other. When I finally heard back from her Mommasaurus, she politely informed me to cease direct contact. I could exist around her blog, or in the comments. But I was not to directly approach her. So I waited. And watched. And waited just a little bit more. Until she healed. Until she worked through some very difficult spaces overcoming the shift in her last dynamic. Each day we made time for each other. Each day we became better friends. Each day we learned, and grew together. Each day we showed one another what we were capable of, and proved more and more why it was important and necessary for us to be in each other's lives. We went through some difficult places. We had some moments of crying, bawling our eyes out. We worked consistently towards being better, and have made massive strides in so many different areas of our lives.
She is ready to acknowledge her needs. She is ready to begin moving forward diligently. I am prepared to match her in this way.
Within the last few days, I have had a radical Eureka moment. Do you know when you hear words and in your brain you go "Okay, yeah, sure, that makes sense" but you keep muddling forward not really incorporating those ideals? Well for the last 10 ish months I've been learning about D/s, about power exchange about what a dynamic really truly is. It took layers of conversations, moments of grief, observing a need in this woman's life who was so vastly important to me to finally click all the pieces together. Well not all the pieces. I still have much room to grow. I still have questions to answer. Solutions to find.
But DAMN, did I ever just level up over the last few days.
When I began I remember my first scene that I negotiated. I remember the nervous energy I felt. I remember trying to think "Oh will this be right, will I do well, will I speak to the need I've asked myself to contend with?"
A few days ago, Faith and I had a conversation. She expressed to me something that made my heart break. It spoke of neglect. It spoke of abandonment. It had to do with her marriage, and part of the interaction. Her ex Husband has not held her hand, touched or even kissed her. For such a long time she made the half hearted joke "She forgot how to kiss". I felt the weight of a relationship crash around me. I imagined being in a space where I didn't kiss my wife. I imagined how it must have felt to be in a place where your husband didn't want to connect in a simple and basic way. I NEEDED in that moment to provide her the knowledge that was unacceptable and never going to occur with me. So I set about an impromptu scene. One created based on previous conversation held months prior, latching onto the information that I had learned, hearing the words of advice from previous dominants, and suddenly with the clear vision for this need I saw in her life I set about a task that corrected this immediately. It wasn't just "asking her to do something". It wasn't about making her follow my command. It was about resolving a need in her life, it was about replacing, repairing, healing the damage of neglect. It was about taking what I knew, and utilizing it in such a way that it had meaningful, impactful, resonance inside who she was. I have gained a much deeper understanding of power exchange. I have gained a much richer sense of the potential of D/s, and I am beginning to utilize creative solutions to issues I see. To resolve tangible hardships.
I seek to heal.
I don't have all the answers. I'm not a trained therapist. I never even took biology in high school. My understanding of how the body works is pretty minimal. Despite what I lack though, I have the ability to make resounding changes. Positive changes in someone else's life because I am understanding critical pieces of how D/s can work. It's finally clicking in my brain, and it's like I've dusted off this new part of me that's remained dormant on a shelf deep inside who I am.
I am a new man. Working at becoming better each day. Working to build myself, to build up those who choose to dedicate themselves to me. But I deeply believe in intention. I won't look for someone who doesn't meet me, my need or fit into what might be lacking in my life. Although to be honest there is very little I find lacking anymore.
I am excited to claim that I am ENM, and that I have found the first part to the puzzle that will remain by my side forever more.
Thank you for your time today. Thank you for reading. I hope you were inspired, and that you find what is needed in your life.
