Good Evening Cage friends,
Today is an exceptional day. Tonight was the last time I had to drive into work before my vacation. I was smiling like an absolute goofball thinking that once my shift is over it will be 24 hours until I am on a plane.
Now this whole scenario has been 5 months of planning and orchestrating. W/we have had ups and downs. Shifts in regulations and restrictions and the whole while I would say "Well its still months away, let's not let it bother U/us. Who knows how else it will change before O/our trip."
Now there is literal hours before this plan comes to fruition. The seeds have been planted and now it is time to reap what has been sown.
W/we had a really important discussion today. It was about consent, scene construction, structure and form and a reminder of the importance of check ins. I wont lie as I have had so much on my mind as often as I had this trip in the back of my mind there was a noise of confusion about handling my divorce, organizing my home, preparing to settle assets and so many other *things* that required my attention that I hadn't truly been focused on the interaction that is about to happen.
Now yes I am a newer Dominant. The truth is I have not been in any physical spaces with any s type. This will be my first interaction. With any slave. With any submissive. With anyone willing to offer their entire soul, mind, heart and body before me. This will be the first interaction with MY slave.
I had a mini freak out when I had to actually go back and think through a few critical questions. What does my Dominance look like? What matters to me? What will I make a priority? The reality is that being an online Dominant is vastly different than an in person Dominant. Like all things there is a learning curve. I know how to answer the theoretical questions. I know what answers to give to "pass the test". But DOING and knowing what to do can be different.
The thing is I haven't planned. I haven't thought enough. And yet I have thought too much. I am a minimizer of myself. I put myself low in an attempt to be humble. To keep myself from inflating my own ego. But by constantly putting myself down I am doing damage to who I am. There is a balance as I do hold importance in remaining humble, but I need to allow my confidence in who and what I am to rise to the surface. It is not an inflation of my ego but a statement of fact. I am more than competent. I know what I need to do. I will simply relax, let my fear empty. Let my anxiety and nerves release. I communicate well and as I find my Dominance so long as I continue to communicate well then W/we will have a phenomenal time.
One important thing I have learned is that having a clear path so that you do not confuse yourself is very helpful. It helps you communicate effectively. Because clear direction even as things shift will hold massive value. I can change my mind, and will. It will be how I navigate that shift and communicate the alterations of plans mid motion that will give peace to my slave. If I am uncertain and don't know where I am leading then my slave has no hope of following. She can only follow my steps, and if I am a stumbling drunk in the dark there is no hope for her to trace my path. I need to illuminate her path. I need to show her that even as life shifts W/we are still stable as W/we navigate the turning tides.
I am excited for fun in my life. I am excited for joy. I am excited for laughter, jovial light entertainment. I am excited for the opportunity I have in front of me. In the coming days I get to prove myself to me. I get to turn from a fledgling and put on my big boy pants.
Now, I just need to finish work. But we have another long night ahead of us.
To those that read my words this morning I thank you for your time. I hope some insights are gained that assist you on your journey, and I hope as I transform myself over this trip that I may offer more insights to help guide those still finding themselves.
Mstr J
