Another thing I was thinking about on the way home this morning (those 9 minutes in the morning save my life most days) was am I into emotional pain? The longing for someone? The missing them? Them ignoring me, but the fantasy of them hurting too just gets me off.
Am I actually into emotional games?
But aren't those the most awful games? Where you scream you hate each other but secretly you're dying inside?
The feeling of rejoining after not being together for so long. Your dream come true. The exploding of all the emotions.
Is that really my kink?
Is that why I am so into psychical pain? Is that why I want my ass and body painted black and blue from whips and paddles and restraints?
Could I be a sadist? Is that what a sadist is? I've looked down that road before. It just never seemed to interest me.
I mean to have that hot firey passion. One thats burns quick and sometimes doesn't stay for long, but you always know, you always know that they'll come back.
You always know that he'll come back because you are the only one he can get what he needs from. I am the only one he can get his needs from.
And he gets what he wants, we have our firey passion weekend, month, night, whatever and not hear from again for months. Knowing that both of you ached for one another.
You may both be in other relationships but there is just something about this. About the two of you, that can only to satisfied by the other.
It may go back and forth for months or years between meetings.
Of begging and crying.
Of creating scens by text message.
Back to begging and crying.
Then meeting again and having all of the pain all of the hurt be worth it.
Because he always comes back.
Wouldn't that be the ultimate of ultimate relationships? To trust this other person enough to know they will always be there to come back to. That you provide a need that only you can satisfy.
You love seeing each other unexpectedly out in public and play games. "Come get me daddy" and we chase each other until you get me on my knees and public.
How quick can you catch me?
Will I pissed because you chased too long or not long enough? Or will I be wet and ready for you to throw me up agaist a wall and fuck me?
