What's Going On?

I'm struggling with my entire sense of self since I had suppressed memories of being molested by my dad's friends and recorded for my dad. I thought I was meant to be a sub. But how is that possible when I can't even trust anybody anymore. I thought my mom didn't know but my dad told her repeatedly she just thought he was lying to her. I feel broken, dirty, shameful, and unlovable. I feel like no man could ever love me unconditionally and I don't think I could ever trust a man to do anything but hurt me and hate me. Is this feeling ever going to go away? I know people say that the right Dom will come along, but I don't even know if I should be a sub anymore. I feel like I just was meant to be alone for the rest of my life and that is so depressing I can't hardly stand it. If anybody has any advice for me, please tell me something that will help me get over this. And if there is a Dom out there somewhere in Kansas that is willing to help heal my broken soul please help me.