Relationships involve more than one person. As much as we like to think that it can be “You and Me against the world”, we are bombarded with the expectations and opinions of those around us. Those people who are not a part of our inner circle can quickly be written off as just a minor annoyance; it’s those people who we hold dear that have the ability to create a rift in our closest relationships.
I always listen to those who are closest to me; they are the ones that I trust the most because they know me the best. I trust their judgment, but even then, I weigh what they are saying with the evidence. There are situations where I admit that I am not thinking clearly, and their insight helps me to focus. We are all products of our past, and I recognize that many times they have a better understanding of where I am or am going than I do. That being said, there are also times when their past insecurities and traumas taint the present and have no bearing on my situation.
All this brings me to the present day. I am blessed with a family who tells it like it is, and they protect their own. We may not always agree, but we always have each others’ back.
When I first told them about my desire to go deeper into this lifestyle, they were worried about me, but they asked questions and listened before making judgment calls. When I told them about my Dom, they were concerned about his age, his ability to meet my needs, my ability to meet his needs...Would he like them and fit in with our family dynamic? What would my children (closer to him in age than I) think?
The relief I felt when my best friend, my sister-from-another-mister, told me she felt good about our relationship was instant. She said that when she watched him interact with me and the rest of the family she felt good about our relationship. She recognized that my dom brings out the best in me. If she would have told me she still had doubts, I would have weighed what she said, and then made my own call. Under no circumstances would I have allowed her to say anything negative or disrespectful about or to my dom. There is a difference between expressing concern and undermining someone’s decision. In no discussion or dialogue, would I have allowed them to make piercing remarks that were negative and meant to chip away at my bond with my dom.
There are times, when I am talking to family on the phone, that they ask if I have any concerns and if I am still settled in my spirit about this relationship, not because they are having lingering doubts, but because they love me and want what is best for me. I can’t fault them for that.
Right now, I feel my dom and I are at a place where we need to set boundaries for those in our inner circle. I want to make sure that the areas that are toxic to our relationship are cut off or contained. I have no desire to make room in my inner circle for someone who can’t or won’t support me and by association “us”. This man, our relationship, is my highest priority. I love this man not for what he does for me (which is more than I thought possible) but for who he is and he is worth it.