I've followed through with my decision to no longer look for a Dom, or more specifically, a person who could fill that role.
Why?
Lack of patience.
Lack of confidence.
Lack of *care*.
My last attempt ended in February, at the beginning of this year, after I spent two years trying to figure out what or where I sat with a guy who talked a great game but had no capability of following through.
Unless it was strictly only on his terms - those terms, btw, didn't include me at all but they certainly included others he was more than happy to discuss with me. At length.
When informed he had hurt me at the end of it all, he had no response whatsoever - no apology - but had the certain gall to tell me "I'm not looking for anyone else."
One girl, per one state, not including your wife.
"Just a joke", btw.
Before him, I spent a while trying to work out why is it that Dom-orientated people only wanted me when I didn't want them, or used me as a sounding board for their poor personal life decisions like a free therapist. After a long conversation with a close friend, it was agreed that it's the Mustang Fantasy. It's not about me at all. It's the need to control the wild and free because it makes D-types uncomfortable.
So, I did my own Shadowwork. I worked on myself and my issues. I came to decisions that has royally made people angry, but made my life substantially easier:
1. Casual means casual. There's no hanging out, no dates, food or movies or overnight because *casual* means *boots call*.
2. Girlfriend benefits are earned. Not assumed. Casual sex doesn't get Girlfriend Benefits, just like Dating/Situationship/FWBs doesn't get Wifey benefits. It's all earned, discussed and agreed to. The assumption of entitlement to be cared for by people you don't care about in turn? It's over.
3. Kinks are to be agreed on. Without exception.
4. My time is my time, and the standards I want are the bare minimum.
5. Disrespect is met with Disrespect.
....
The argument could be that thus is all common sense. It's really not. It's become uncommon and the amount of upset egos I've had to roll my eyes at, "I don't want to be used but I want to use you!" is phenomenal.
Far too many D-types think that they are entitled to my submission without earning it, or they are entitled to doing as they please without my consent.
Well, no.
The consequence of years of that behaviour from multiple people is that I don't bother looking. I enjoy my time in the community, and I spurn interest from people who aren't ready to match me.
If one good one comes along, good luck to them.
