Journey as a New Submissive

As I prepared to get ready for my first play party I didn’t really know what to expect, whar to wear or anything. I settled on a simple white dress and a black pair of heels. The party was an hour and forty five minutes away from me and started at 9 pm I got there at 9 pm on the dot when I pulled up to the venue a wave of a familiar feeling rushed over me hello anxiety. For what seemed like a lifetime which was really about an hour I entered a battle within myself weather I should go home or go inside. A series of the “what ifs” game was played and by the time I was done I was mentally spent. However I still decide to go in which I was surprised in myself.

upon entering I was asked for my Id, if I had my phone if I did it would be placed  in a lock box and I did. I was then searched and told to “dress down” I had no idea what that meant but apparently my dress didn’t matter  because I had to be in lingerie and or kink attire the thought of that made the room spin, but I slowly took off my dress and was left in a black lace bra with panties to match.

There were serval things that were happening playing, scenes,fire massages, social interactions etc... I talked to many submissive and some were very easy to speak with but the issue came in with the Doms serval approached me and ask to speak and I agreeed but it felt like I was swallowing sand and it took everything in me to speak when this became evident some politely dismissed themselves which I appreciate because I felt like I was drowning. 

One thing that took place was a flogging scene  and I more than wanted to watch. I took a seat semi- close to the front and shortly after the scene began. It was magical it was like a dance between two people, as someone who used to dance and my sister still dances when you dance with someone you have to trust them entirely when you do you move as one and it’s flawless. It wasn’t until the scene was over and my shoulders tensed that I realized I was completely lost in the scene my anxiety was at bay and I was fixated on what was happening. Until it ended and once again I felt my heart race and body tremble. 

I decided I wanted to end a note as high as possible so with that I left I got dressed and left. Overall I’d give the experience a 5/10 everyone was nice and the flogging scene left me with an arousal I hadn't known before. I met and exchange contract information with some wonderful people. The lack of 10/10 is solely on me I wish I could’ve been more vocal, more social but I enjoyed myself enough to push myself to try again and I look forward to it. 

For the first time I’m excited about what the future holds and hope soon I’ll get to experience the magic that flogging scene held  

thinking out loud....

When I first started on this journey there were many questions that I had two were “would my virginity be a roadblock” “would the fact that I prefer more mature men be an issues” both seem to clash with each other. In the conversation that I’ve had it seems like because of the maturity they either A don’t want to go through the training process or B don’t want to wait a long period of time. So I ask myself should I go into the vanilla world and gain experience how much experience is enough experience? If I believed BDSM was solely sexual than I would but for me I want that bond I want that connection and patience is not easy but I’m convinced it’s worth it. Am I wrong maybe but that’s what life is about ups and downs, trial and error. I wanted to try online first because I’m such an introvert and social encounters are extremely hard for me. So per a different site I was invited to a play party this coming Sunday and although the thought of it causes my breathe to catch and heart to race, I’m going to try and go and see what happens.

Thinking out loud...

Introvert  means a shy reticent person, reticent means not revealing one's thoughts or feelings readily.

The thought for this came to me  after a worldwide of an encounter I had a yesterday mixed with some prior encounters before that. My bios says it and I expressed it many times while messaging that I am an introvert. Many of the Doms I speak with express how that is okay and how they understand. But then seconds later ask for sexual things or want to jump right into an intense conversation. Here’s why that doesn’t work for someone like me.

I am not  the type of introvert that gets a little shy in a crowd or takes a second to warm up to new setting. I am on the more extreme side where large setting can be crippling for me, confrontation can be paralyzing and fear ridden. I’m already out of my comfort zone and need to slowly progress into getting to know the person I’m talking to. I may not be extremely expresses in conversation and give short worded answers but it doesn’t mean that I’m not paying attention or not engaged. The encounter caused me to sit back and reflect on a few things. Even though the situation could have been handle with much more maturity than it was handle with. It doesn’t subtract from the fact that feelings were clearly hurt. So my question for Subs and Doms alike how would you approach a situation with an introvert and how should an introvert engage in a situation. Although last night and this morning have been very taxing emotionally I don’t see any situation in life as useless I see them as lesson you can learn from and that’s what I’m trying to do to avoid and prevent this in the future.

Thanks for reading!