Sweet Surrender

I was sold a dream.
I was sold on the fine details, minor trim pieces, the solid parts, and those bursting at the seams.
The insides and the outsides, both had me hooked. 
Hooked so completely, I ignored my instincts and couldn’t see no matter how hard I looked.

I couldn’t reconcile both sides, so I ignored what I saw with my eyes. 
I let my heart lead and silenced my mind. 
I let the butterflies be my guide. 

I thought I could put all my trust in him alone. 
I thought he’d shine a light on the unknowns. 

I was wrong. 
And I learned a lesson I’ll not soon forget. 
A slap to the face, and he stole my breath. 
A shattered heart, and my fairytale was gone. 

A beautiful dream born of beautiful things, 
Gave way to a nightmare when it cracked at the seams.

I have awoken, mourning the loss of him, and what we had. 
I am not broken, just letting go of a dream before it all turns bad. 

I think I might be losing it. 

Regret sits heavy on my chest. Always. I can’t breathe.

He said that this was what would be best for us both. 

I want someone to hurt me.
Make the outside hurt worse than the inside. 

Redirect my thoughts. 
Make me numb. 

Who in their right mind feels that way? 
I think I’ve been lost. 

I’m broken.

I’m damaged.

I’m out of control. 

I was such a good girl. 

How was this better for me? 

Someday, you are going to hear a voice. A voice you will hear without hearing it. You’ll know the tone of the words spoken, like they were whispered in your ear. You will hear this voice in your head and feel it in your heart.

Don’t let that voice go. Do whatever it takes to hold on to the person who speaks to you so deeply that you feel it like a shiver you can’t shake. It runs through your veins and owns your soul.

Do whatever it takes to keep that person, because it won’t matter how amazing the next one is. That voice will still be missing and you will always miss it. Like the air you breathe.

I can assure you it won’t matter if their a switch, or in a poly relationship. You will feel their loss and it will devastate and destroy you from the inside out.

Be open minded. Be cautious...absolutely. But be open because sometimes the most amazing things and people in life are what we don’t see coming. They are extraordinary. And you will always love them. Even if you can’t be with them.

Any females out there willing to do a bit of modeling for me? 

I’m looking for something like this: 

https://pin.it/3JNFkef

Please let me know if interested, thank you! 

Lucee

I Didn’t Know

I should have known.
I didn’t fight it on purpose. I didn’t know that what we had could be more...would be more. I didn’t know I was fighting the pull because I didn’t know you’d already wrapped that rope around me. I didn’t know that every turn about the room was another loop made around my waist. I didn’t know every person I met was another knot in the line that secured me to you. Every exchange, every question, every lesson brought me back to you. 
I should have known it was you. 

It Was You 
You were there from the beginning.
You stood beside me as the world around me revealed itself.
It was your arm that I held as we wandered through “the room.” Your lips to my ear with the answers to questions I had.
You, who I leaned into when I felt shy and timid. It was you whose hand I clung to as I began to explore and let myself be swept up into my own submission. You, who I confided in and needed to catch me when I stumbled. 

It was you, whose arms I ran to when I was awakened and turned away. You, who breathed me back to life when I thought I’d suffocate. You who made me smile when I wanted to cry.
It was always you who my heart was tethered to.

Who I Belong To

I don’t know when you sent the others away. 
I don’t know when you turned around and cradled my face. 
Your left hand tangled in my hair so tight, while gently caressing my cheek with your right. 
Sweet sinister promises whispered against my lips. I’ve waited my whole life for you, for this.  

I revealed my secrets and confessed my fears. You accept all of me and wipe away my tears. 

I shared my deepest hopes and darkest dreams. 
You speak the words that give my heart wings.

I opened my eyes and gave you my hand. 
You showed me the beautiful beast behind the man. 

I am willing. I am ready. And I am here to say... Please Daddy, take me away. 

Writing for me is like breathing.

Putting words to paper is cleansing and having the ability to make people see what you see, or feel what you feel with words alone is an incredible gift. 

I got three new tattoos today. Like the others before them, they tell a story...my story. Every needle mark, every inch of freshly laid ink tells a story written across my creamy freckled skin. 

The story of being awakened, a journey marred by twists and turns and the anticipation of more bumps to come. Beautiful things often have to be bent or broken in order to reveal the beauty from within. Journeys rarely begin as straight paths. I will remember everything. Right now, I want to forget, but someday I’ll move mountains to remember you. My left forearm will help remind me of the beauty you brought into my life, and of what I wanted to have with you...of what we had and what you gave me. 

Misplaced and disorganized letters placed just so, now grace my right wrist. Letters that when overlapped and turned just right create art. Words have so much power and the letters used to make them are the foundation of communication. A foundation that must be strong in order to move on. 

Last but not least, a Celtic symbol with three arms. A nod to my heritage, a gesture of faith and the belief that our past doesn’t have to define our present or derail our future. 

Impulsive...absolutely. But our stories aren’t always chosen by us or thought through. 

My body is my canvas and now it tells my whole truth. Something I can neither deny or want to hide. 

But there is no going back, it’s too late for me. There is only acceptance, and the need to hold on while I move forward. I will hold on with everything I am. 

My editor hates and loves this about me. 

The words pour out of me like the tears that cascade down my cheeks. 

It was just a tiny idea. A small pitch with a brief outline. 

Not even two days later...and I sit here in the darkness kept company only by the words displayed on the lit screen of my laptop. 

3 New Friends.
1 Blocked Dom.                                                            18 Chapters identified and started.                  172 pages of completed content. 

If the words continue to pour out of me, this story will be done before my other book. 

He’ll forgive me when he gets paid. 

My eyes hurt and my body is exhausted from going through the motions. I’m fine. I’ll be fine. Someday I’ll believe that. Right now, I hate caring. I hate feeling. And I hate that I can’t force myself to hate you. I want to hate you. 
I want to burn the house down and all the memories with it. 

Until then, I’ll curl into a ball, slip into the darkness and accept the peaceful numb feeling passing out will bring. 

False Promises

My journey started out promising.
It was fun and powerful. I felt free.

Standing in the middle of a “crowded room” with even one man’s attention felt empowering. But as with most things, learning as you go has consequences and no good deed goes unpunished. Being honest is usually the best policy but sometimes being honest can cost you. And sometimes that cost is more than you’re prepared to pay.

I gained a new friend early on. He was a guiding light, leading me through the room explaining things as we explored. He gave me courage to take action and step out of my comfort zone. I guess I thought that his patience and understanding would carry me through. But even patience and understanding have limits, and no amount of understanding and patience can control what we do or don’t feel.  

We make promises to ourselves and to others with every intention of following through, but the truth is we can’t always keep the promises we make. Sometimes the promises we make are false even when we don’t want them to be.

They All Fall Down

When one domino falls, they all tend to follow suit. One Master put up a bit of a fight during his exit from my side but his disappearing and reappearing act told me I was just a back up plan and when I wished him all my best with HER, he finally went on his merry way and I’m happy for him. I truly wish that all who are seeking find who they are looking for.

I don’t know when I let go of his hand. I don’t know when I fell into that euphoric place and reached for HIM with everything I had.

I didn’t know I had given so much of myself. I purposely held a few things back so I wouldn’t be lost to HIM. But HE was not what I expected, HE was more and I was completely unprepared for how much HE would affect me and how much I would need HIM. And now it’s too late and I feel like a fool for thinking I had a clue. I don’t know what tomorrow holds. All I know is that right now I stand in that “crowded room” alone, because as life would have it, when one goes, they all fall down.

Hindsight is a Bitch

I should have known better. I should have known that when you lay yourself down before someone, when you kneel at their feet, they have the power to devastate you when they tell you to walk away.

It’s no one’s fault but I blame myself. In the end I asked the question. In the end HE told me what to do and I obeyed. All I want is to Obey & Please HIM. Now I can do neither.

I don’t understand my own feelings and I don’t know if I want to. I think I want to bury them, numb myself to what I feel and wander into a new room to disappear into…

…maybe a dark quiet closet where I can sink to the floor. A place I can pretend to be fine because no one will see me irrationally fall apart.

I’ll just sit there…

Until the crocodile tears stops falling down my hot cheeks.

Until my head doesn’t hurt and my vision isn’t a blur.

Until I can breathe, and then

I can think about standing up again.  

Lesson 1 learned. Know the risks,

ALL of them…because…

Sometimes surrendering is sweet.

And sometimes it just fucking hurts.

Obey & Please

It’s been five days. Five glorious freeing days.

I’m still amazed with my own behavior, after admission and acceptance the need to obey and please is overwhelming. The desire to be obedient and the need to receive praise is stronger than I ever imagined it would be.

Strong enough to have me jumping to do your bidding and receive my punishment while hidden in a bathroom in a house full of people. I feel like I’m alive again for the first time in a long time. 

Sweet Shy Memories
I think back on a night that has been solidified in the recesses of my brain since it happened.

It was a themed costume party; Pimps and Pros. My best friend and I went together dressed as twin prostitutes. Her mini skirt was neon blue and mine was hot pink. I had on a tiny tank top, black fish net stalkings and matching pink stilettos. Giant hoop earrings adorned my ears, while my wrists were wrapped with matching cuff bracelets. That was the night I almost joined a married couple in bed. I recall what we did. What I did. What I was too shy to do. If they’d encouraged me just a little more, I would have gone through with it. I know that because I still think about that night and the things I did and the things I wanted to do. I still think back on that night and wish I’d done it...I wonder what if? 

I was 23. 

White Noise

I’m still standing in that same crowded room that is ‘this new world’ I’ve stepped into. There are so many people in the room; talking, mingling and flirting. I can barely hear their voices or see their faces.
My vision is clouded as my mind is consumed by the assault on my senses and an intense pleasure burns me from the inside out. I stand bare, my freckles and tattoos on display to the room. I’m wearing my favorite red heels and my grandmother’s pearl earrings.

The ever patient and understanding Beast stands to my right, his back is to me, my hand clings to his our fingers intertwined as other women kneel before him. He all but refuses to show me his Beast. I want to see him but he forces me to learn and explore before he’ll turn to me and unleash his worst. He is my lifeline and I hold on tightly to him. 

Sir is to my left. He’s sweet and firm. His praise makes me wet and his words ignite my darkest desires. His lowered voice whispering in my ear, while his left hand pinches my nipples. My head tilted back in a daze as I beg him to give me more. A woman is behind him...she holds his other hand in hers. He would not be only mine. 

Master kneels before me. He’s not gentle and has no mercy. My right leg hung over his shoulder, his giant hands dig into the flesh of my ass as he devours my throbbing sex like it’s his last meal. I can feel his tongue and his teeth as he consumes my essence fervently. He speaks of protection and ownership but I do not take his words to heart while spoken under a veil of lust. 

I know there are more people in the room and I want to meet them too. I don’t mean to be impolite or unreliable, the sub in me wants to address you properly and give you my undivided attention...but I want to be loyal and devoted, so right now in this moment...every other voice and every other touch is white noise. 

If you want my obedience, you’ll have to open my cage and take it. 

❤️L 

Unclaimed & Unowned

Entering into this world is like walking into a room full of people...you mingle and get to know each other, there may be flirtations but in the end only one will gently take your arm and lead you to what’s next. It is a mutual understanding between two people hoping to grant one another their deepest, darkest desires. The sub trusts the dom enough to be lead toward sweet surrender. 

Since joining The Cage, I have spoken to a lot of people. I’ve flirted, I’ve teased, and I’ve learned. I was immediately submerged and bombarded, and the Good Girl in me forced me to respond politely to every greeting I received. Some men were gone as quickly as they came, exiting in silence, an opposite to the verbal wave that had me on my knees in the beginning. 

I’ve visited other sites, and was put on digital display only to find men who are not genuine DOMs, but just men looking for a good time. 

So while I may have to wait for my Sweet Surrender, I will because in the end, it’ll be worth it when I find HIM and become HIS. 

❤️ L