The Long and Winding Road

I identify myself as new here, which I am. In all honesty I do have experience with online domination, I had an online Dom when I was in my early 20’s. It was an intensely erotic, sexual & intellectual connection, for over 2 years. He became my everything. We were planning on meeting in rl, he was coming to spend time with me, finally, but after 3 days of not hearing from him, I was worried. I called him multiple times with no answer during this time. I ended up calling his sister desperate to know where he was, if he was all right, hoping he wasn’t in an accident. He had taken his own life, before he left on his trip to visit me. The reaction I had was to shut down completely, I tucked this part of me down deep and just shut down emotionally for an unhealthy amount of time. I knew I tried to do everything I could to make him happy, to please him. He was far too plagued by his own demons to consider those of us who loved him. This is the main reason I’m not looking for online only, I need the reality, I need to be able to feel who is capturing my mind, my soul.... it can all disappear in a moment......