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She came up to me slowly. Easing her way across the ground, sniffing all the while. Such a strange creature she was. Plump and juicy in all the right ways, but completely oblivious to the world she was now in. Something strange scent had caught her nose, and she was approaching it with reckless curiosity. I stayed hidden, not in any way willing to bring myself out of hiding. There was safety in the trees and bushes. Safety in the embrace of darkness while I watched the world go by. Normally, the creatures that came would stop briefly, but carry on in due time. This one though, she had been returning here day after day. Sometimes she would get closer to me, sometimes she would be farther away, but she always lingered a bit longer every time. It wasn't long before I heard her speak.
"Who are you?" She cooed, looking here and there.
"What are you doing?" I replied
"You do not belong here, little one"
"I go where I please, and right now, there is a pleasant smell here"
She breathed in, nose still twitching, ears spinning to and fro.
"What are you?"
"I am a cute little Bunny Rabbit, just like you."
"I am a Rabbit?"
"Of course you are, what else could you be?"
She turned to face where I hid in the shadows. Our conversation had helped her pinpoint my location. It did not feel right, the words she was saying. Who was I to say, for I have never looked at myself before. She sat down in front of my shadow, peering deeply into the bushes, nose twitching and smile wide. It was a pleasant feeling, to have someone to talk to. Here was someone who saw me, I had so many questions.
"Do I have long ears like you?"
"Of course you do"
"Do I have a fluffy tail like yours?"
"Of course you do"
"Does my nose twitch and sniff at everything like yours?"
"Of course it does"
"Do I have large teeth like yours for eating?"
"Of course you do"
"I am a rabbit?"
"Of course you are"
A rabbit then, a bunny. That must be what I am. Here was a rabbit sitting before me. I could learn everything that rabbits do, and maybe that would let me join the creatures who run around the forest. Every other creature had run from me, perhaps they did not know what a bunny was. Perhaps I wasn't behaving like the other rabbits, and that's why they ran from me. If I could learn how to be a rabbit, then the world would accept me.
"What do rabbits do?"
"We eat, and play, and fuck"
"What do you eat?"
"The grass, the leaves, the things that grow"
"I don't eat those"
"Of course you do, you are a rabbit"
"What do you play?"
"We play hide and run and dance all day"
"I don't play that way"
"Of course you do, you are a rabbit"
"How do you fuck?"
"Whenever and however we want, with whoever we want"
"I don't like that idea"
"Of course you do, you are a rabbit"
I must be a very bad rabbit. None of these things seemed to be very pleasant ideas. I eat meat, gnaw bones, not the grass and leaves of the world. I live off the life of others, taking what they have as life and adding it to my own. I do not sustain myself on the green that has no means to defend itself. The hunt, the chase, the rush. The act of having my prey fully submit to my power, to accept that they are there to sustain me and make me stronger. The plants and leaves cannot do that. They stand there, waiting for any creature to come and collect them. There is no fight, there is no passion, there is no thrill. This didn't seem like me. But I am a rabbit, I must learn to want these things.
I must be a very bad rabbit. None of these things seemed to be very pleasant ideas. I play by chasing, by fighting, by pitting my will and endurance against another. I hone my body through rigor and training. I hone my mind through learning and testing. I prowl through the bushes and learn the secrets of the world. I do not dance in the light for the joy, but revel in the mystery of the night. I sing into the night, not dance through the day. There is no joy in this play without challenge, in the flight through life on the thrill of the moment. This didn't seem like me. But I am a rabbit, I must learn to want these things.
I must be a very bad rabbit. None of these things seemed to be very pleasant ideas. Untested in love, but love is what I desire. The idea of a mate, my own and mine forever. To go through life and raise a pack with one soul by my side. This bondage of destinies, of a unity against the world, to make someone stronger in ways they never knew. To be someone's strength, just one, for all of time. There is no joy of rampant fucking to be had with the world. To enjoy life through many mating and raw couplings. To ensure the beauty of love through the conquest of numbers. This didn't seem like me. But I am a rabbit, I must learn to want these things.
"I do not like this food you bring"
"Eat it, you're a rabbit, it's what we do"
"I do not like these games you play"
"Do it, you're a rabbit, it's what we do"
"I do not want this love you give"
"Take it, you're a rabbit, it's what we do"
"I do not want to make love with you"
"Try it, you'll love it, it's what we do"
"I do not want to have sex with you"
"Try it, you'll love it, it's what we do"
"I do not want to fuck with you"
"Try it, you'll love it, it's what we do"
"No"
"Yes"
"No"
"Yes"
"I told you, you loved it"
".....No"
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One of the hardest things to come to terms with in this society is how much we try to be what people say we are. Especially at a young age, when we don't have the time to discover who we truly are, we look to those with experience to show us the path. We ask the wrong questions because we don't even know what the right ones are. We can't really blame the world for giving us the "wrong" answers, when their answers are correct according to their beliefs. The world says what you are so much, it's hard to accept that you might be something else. I admit, I don't have it nearly as bad as some people in the world, because I have been able to turn my life inward and find out more about who and what I am. I am not a bunny, I am a wolf. I was taught to be a rabbit, to accept the ways of the world of conformity because I didn't take time to look at myself. I no longer blame this particular bunny of my past for what happened, for I understand better that, she saw me the way she saw her world, and her world was that of a rabbit. She had been taught that all men must want sex, and that as long as she wanted it, that was the only consent that was required. She was taught how to please a man, and how to make sure he "finished" as a way to determine that he really did give consent. She felt she was more experienced in the ways of the world, and tried to force that experience onto those around her.
If there is one thing this community has taught me, and lives in almost every form of interaction, is the idea of consent. There are many things/practices/acts that this community performs that many others would find demeaning, immoral, and "not rabbit-like". But the main difference is, this community establishes consent and understands it as a fluid dynamic. That which is "ok" is not "always ok". That which is "wrong" is not "always wrong". That is not determined by fact of the act, but by the interaction between the parties involved. Consent should not be coerced. Someone should not feel guilty for thinking differently. Above all, in the process of self discovery, I believe this community takes the necessary risks, and acknowledges those risks with each other. Thank you for teaching this rabbit that, he's not a rabbit, he is a wolf, and that is ok. The people who enter your world should not have power over you so quickly, for even with all their vast experiences, they have never set foot into your world or lived in it longer than you. You should have authority of that, and once that other party member has learned what your world is, then you have the right to let power go *if* that is what you want.
The very first question "Who are you?", if you are struggling to answer that, then people will see they can take advantage of you, and write you the way they want you to be. Maybe that is what some people want, but I find it dangerous and not what I desire.
Second story musings ~ Thank you for your eyes
ShirooKuma
