Online now
Online now

The Eroticist

I have written a blog on line for many years on my own site which can not be mentioned here. It is currently going through housekeeping with a new Theme, but it is still available for viewing. If you are interested please send me a message here.

As an introduction, I thought, over the next few days I might port over some of my earlier posts from my main. When I do get inspired to add a new one, I will probably post there and copy here. Please feel free to comment.
2 years ago. May 19, 2021 at 10:51 PM

I hope that what I am about to say here is totally unnecessary.  I want to be clear here. I am not saying that there are not great personal rewards in knowing you have deeply pleased your partner. That, in itself can be a profound reward. But I also believe that HOW you please him is intimately involved in who you are. Are you someone who truly wants to suffer at his violent or manipulative hand (emotional masochism, being brought to tears, etc.) Are you someone who, like that beautiful monologue in Gosford Park by Hellen Mirren, a perfect servant? "What gift do you think a good servant has that separates them from the others? Its the gift of anticipation. And I'm a good servant; I'm better than good, I'm the best; I'm the perfect servant. I know when they'll be hungry, and the food is ready. I know when they'll be tired, and the bed is turned down. I know it before they know it themselves."  Are you incredibly sexual, limber, and anxious to train your body to do anything necessary to physically please your partner? Are you rewarded by being thought inferior, less than, wanting to be verbally abused or caged by your Master? Would you make the most excellent Executive Assistant? Do you find yourself obsessed with the dirtiest most disgusting forms of excrement?

I believe that whatever the joys and perversions of your prospective partner, you will NOT be able to be a pleasing partner in a long term deeply bonded relationship unless his joys intimately fit within yours. NOR SHOULD YOU BE. We are talking about a relationship where the the experiences and pleasures within should be MUTUAL joys.  I have often talked to those on the right side who feel they should be all that their Master desires, and nothing more.  Well, a fine wish, but regrettably not possible.

I know I have spoken on this before, but it bares repeating.  I am a Sadist.  A relatively strong Sadist.  But I am not here to make anyone SUFFER.  That is for other Sadists.  What I want is to apply multiple forms of pain and know that it is exciting my partner.  That gives me overwhelming joy.  But to think that a woman who gets no joy or sexual excitement from pain can be a perfect slave for me, can take all the sadistic ministrations I can dish out and give me the pleasure I desire in her suffering is just NOT a truth.

For many years I had a partner who greatly enjoyed giving me service.  She often looked around my house and decided exactly what she should do.  She enjoyed sex with me, but primarily in the forms that she wanted.  Many times I might ask her to do something and she might find it degrading, or humiliating, or beneath her, perhaps just in the way I might have asked, when to me it was just asking her to do something that pleased me.  Though I had GREAT affection for her, she was not a good partner.

My point is in most cases you cannot make yourself into what someone else wants.  What you really have to do is find someone who can see and want what YOU ARE.  And THAT is made a lot easier when you know what that is, yourself.

My Dear{Trust} - "What you really have to do is find someone who can see and want what YOU ARE. And THAT is made a lot easier when you know what that is, yourself."
2 years ago
slaveMikayla​(sub female){MstrJ } - I have not heard you walk those spaces with regard to Your previous relationship. I'm proud of you. That is hard places. <3
I almost don't want to comment on the rest... but I'm going to. This is a place my heart and mind war, and You know this. You know this because You point it out quietly and wisely. Perhaps this was just one such quiet *point at it*.
What I do agree with: the two in a deeply bonded and committed dynamic have to mesh well with regards to hard needs and deeply seated wants. If either does not match well there, then it is ill fated, and short sighted.
However, there is something about a slave heart that makes me pause. I can not speak for anyone else, but for myself there are plenty of times when I have entered a negotiation or a relationship with NO interest in *insert activity here*. In one case it was even a deeply seated aversion. Still, over time and after depth of relationship was built I took the time to UNDERSTAND my partner's desires and needs. Once they were understood and accepted as a true and genuine NEED of my partner's then being who I am I have a sincere and GENUINE desire to meet those needs. Not just "for his sake" but because I truly deeply desire this. His desires are deeply ingrained in me. So this is where "give it the ol college try" comes in. In every case bar ONE which was not in a deeply bonded and committed relationship and those desires were something I not only *could* fulfill, but deeply sincerely desired to do so!
I'm going to go ahead and out myself here in a space I do not like to discuss. A really good example of this was in a moment of debrief with one ex deeply committed partner I asked "Is there anything you have never done that you deeply desire to do, that I do not yet know?" He said yes, and blushed, and told me that it was on my list of hard limits. I asked what it was. He said "ass to mouth" we had just been playing in spaces of that nature so I looked up at him without missing a beat and said "like this?" and proceeded to walk that space. No regrets. I think it was one of the most powerful moments he and I ever had. i barreled right on through that "i have NO desire to do this" space and have no regrets doing so. Instead, because it was so deeply bonding and so very impactful to us both it has BECOME something I personally of my own thoroughly enjoy. His fantasy, His desire, His pleasure, and the act of walking through that for his sake CREATED that in me.
This is where I believe a major difference between a slave heart and a submissive heart exists. I could be wrong.

If, in the end, the slave/submissive is ONLY doing something "for his sake" I absolutely agree.... you must be true to your own inner nature and only then will the match hold. If, however, you have the heart and soul that can learn to bend and grown and then accept those desires as your own.... He becomes a part of you as much as your own mind, your own breath... it is authentically you.

I'm all ears....
2 years ago
Arach - You be a good woman. I like reading you. Thank you.
2 years ago

You must be registered and signed in to comment

Register Sign in