“What is it? Why am I so dissatisfied? My life is pretty good by what everyone tells me, so why am I so unhappy?”
Does this sound familiar? I am making a huge leap here, but that certainly is where I came from. Well, folks, I am here to tell you that inside, whether or not we acknowledge them, there are flitting little thoughts about things we want to experience that drive us hard, no matter how hidden we may think they are.
The problem is that in MOST cases, the people who are telling you your life is good are ALSO commenting on those flitting little thoughts, those images that we have privately when we think of physical pleasure (even though many of them came to visit us FAR before we began to touch ourselves), The comments come rushing. “Hey, THAT f***ing S**t is WRONG.” “It is against God’s Law.” “What would your parents think?” “If you love her, why do you want to hurt her?” “Even if they say they want it, it hurts your loved one.”
We look at ourselves from the outside in the position of some societal parent in the courtroom of an angry god. The prosecutor comes at us, the accused, in front of a jury made up of our parents, Sunday school teachers and maiden aunts, all looking at us over their glasses with scorn and contempt. “If THIS is what you LIKE, if THIS becomes acceptable then…” Oh I don’t know, society in general will fall into the abyss of war and damnation and no one will ever eat ice cream again.
Well, grow up, kids. If those little flitting thoughts (images of Tinkerbell float by) are STILL THERE, then it is time that you acknowledge that they are part of you, part of what makes you who you are, and absolutely time that you come to terms with it and begin to LIKE who you are.
Now before you go jumping off the cliff into personal anarchy and uncaring concentration on narcissistic pleasure, what you want is going to be far more pleasurable if your partner wants it too. If that is not a care of yours, I advise you strongly to seek therapy.
It is time, I think, to explore ourselves. To look honestly at who we are and accept what we want. We should enter onto the path to get those things that we have consistently thought about. (Oooo, Tinkerbell is suddenly showing teeth and some cleavage.) We are NOT going to get it if we cannot be ok with it. Guilt is a killer, guys. Think of it, there have been moments, hopefully in each of our lives when someone said, “OH, yea, me TOO!” What a release. Well, say it to yourselves. Be OK with who you are. Ask for what you want. No other way to get it. Wake up and smell the pixie dust.
I think it is important to emphasize that this is particularly important for submissives. While many of the "voices" I spoke of were directed at sadistic old me, the ability of a masochistic submissive to clearly communicate HER (or HIS) Sexual, Physical, Behavioral and Emotional desires is of paramount importance. How else can negotiation go on. You may wish eventually to do nothing but satisfy your Master's desires, but until that negotiation is completed, you must clearly communicate YOUR position.