As a Submissive who was truly fed up of meeting Men who claimed to be a Dominant, but had no clue what the word even meant, I had 2 choices (please let me be clear, I wasn't trawling bars & clubs)
1 ~ Feel empty & unsatisfied for all time to come.
2 ~ Do something about it.
I came across The Cage completely by accident. I don't remember what I typed into my Private Search Engine. This was at the top of the list though. I thought about the best way to write my profile, what did I really want? I had zero expectations. I wrote what I felt, what was missing in my life. It has since been tweaked here & there with each experience good & bad I have come across, the core of it has not changed however. I spent a few hours finding my way around, I was surprised at some of the messages I got almost immediately. The very first message I received was a friendly welcome message from someone who took the time to tell me about this site. I really must message him as I owe him alot, he's always been there as a sounding board but due to my first "real" experience, I had to take my Profile down. Mr.E, I popped into the chat by acciddnt & your messaged me & titled it "Come back" Now, remember I am new & green & not sure what to expect. I had a few messages, no~one grabbed my attention from the start. It was a few days in & I received a message from an Older Man, experienced, who from the first message was more Dominant in attitude that I'd ever known any Man to be. I was like putty in his hands. A blank canvas to mould & shape how he saw fit. This wasn't what I got. The things I experienced with him were so very much on the opposite ends of the Spectrum. He was a true Dom, he learnt quickly how to get the best from me, how to draw out my desires & how to best execute them which blew my mind. He intrigued me, he satisfied me in both intelligence & long conversations to my Submissive ways & needs. I remember thinking
"How lucky am I to have found this great man so early in the process"
Things are never that easy though are they? No~one (or very few) has success right away in any area of life. This Man kept me on my toes. He could play my like a fiddle. I fell hard & fast for him (or so I thought, remember green & naive) He was everything I wasn't looking for. I would love to put up some messages on here which we exchanged, but I am not one for blowing someone's cover or naming & shaming. Unlike him who told me in one message he would ruin me on this Site & humiliate me. Why wouldn't I believe him? He's Dominant with over 30 + years of experience, has been a member for over 2 years, I took him at his word.
Where did it start going so wrong? Well, he would mock me, put me down, be very cross if I reactivated my profile to talk with people who were just contacts I liked, who gave me good advice, who were friendly. So I took my profile down. Then he would block all communication with me, just like that, a click of the fingers. I would then think well, move on he obviously wasn't for me. Then, you guessed it, he would see my Profile, chastise me, make me feel worthless & have my body come alive again all in the same day. It was confusing but this pattern went on for a while. It was emotionally abusive, I see that now, not then, it made me feel like scum, no correction, HE made me feel like scum. He was so good at it too. I'd feel flat as a pancake then he'd swoop in spend an hour talking with me about all the common interests that we had, always finished by a Sexual Explosion that would have me back on cloud nine. So do you see the dilemma? Hot, cold, on & off, up & down but he knew how to get the best reaction out of my body, it was explosive, more pleasure than I ever felt possible of having. I needed him, my body was addicted to him, but all he did was emotionally abuse me in the worst possible way & I'm not ashamed to say that I felt like a 15 year old going through her first real break up. He took my deepest fantasies & swapped them with another Submissive, a Submissive who he constantly critisized to me, a previous experience. He told her my thoughts, my feelings that I had NEVER told anyone but him. The shame was horrendous, the goading messages telling me how she had cum explosively to stories he told her about me. I felt dirty, I felt worthless, I felt it was all on me because this man was older, experienced & told me regularly I was nothing, no~one else would ever want me. I believed him, he had me wrapped around his little finger & I'm ashamed to say I believed every single word. One comment he made over & over again was the following
"You make a rubbish Submissive an even worse slave & until you shut your mouth no~one will ever want you, but you're trainable, beg me Slave"
I'm all in for being degraded during a sexual dynamic but NOT in every day life. I have each & every abusive message in my head & screen shot. On top of that shame, I didn't want anyone else, it had to be him or no~one. I know you're reading this thinking
"How could you be so stupid?"
Why wouldn't I be? It was my very first, real, authentic experience with a Dominant who I had craved for 20 + years. I cried, I felt worthless, I'd failed him. Right? Yes, that was the feeling I had, I FAILED HIM. Every word he called me stuck, every put down on my looks stuck, everytime he blocked communication stuck, everytime he swooped back in & put me on cloud nine & all the other things fell away, stuck.
So there was only one thing left to do, deactivate my account, I'd found thd best I was ever going to have in my life hadn't I? So the search was over. I logged in late one night & no way at all am I exaggerating here, I didn't look at my messages or notifications, I was just seconds, literally seconds away from deleting my account when the most unexpected thing happened, I got a message from someone who was about to turn my life upside down, in & out. I don't know why I replied but I did & how things changed, how very different did I now see the World of BDSM & a heart full of everything I didn't know I needed or wanted................ To be continued
