My rants

Actually its who I want in 2018

1. Someone local
2. Between ages of 25 and 39
3. Submissive boyfriend 
4. Must have hair on their head
5. Want at least a flr level 3
6. Intelligent
7. Reliable
8. Honest
9. Extra generous
10. Devoted to me
11. Hope
12. Ambitious and active
13. Into sports and other hobbies

1. Life is short. 
2. I do not trust myself drunk.
3. Vanilla Sex is fun, but I love kinky sex! (Save vanilla for my coffee.)

When comes to finding a true kinky person for me

• maybe 1 out of 3 are not fake.
• Maybe 1 out of 5 people get the same kinks and desires as me
• so that make 1 out every 15 people I talk to are even on the same level as I am. 

I hope I can find the right submissive boyfriend in 2018. 

I'm having a personal sexual block. I met a guy last October but it went passionate one lonely night. He read my profile and knew I needed to have a certain life style, and he agreed at first and then after the first date said he wasn't into it. I should have walked away or just be innocent friends, but loneliness caved in. Now I am sexually blocked.

* I do not feel clean enough.
* I do not feel pretty enough.
* I do not feel thin enough.
* I do not feel sexy anymore.
* I feel I am losing my dominance.
* i feel I am losing myself.

This is why I have an age limit and I do not want, cannot, have a vanilla relationship.

My sexuality is not being explored correctly. I am second guessing myself and it is not right. I need someone to accept me for who I am as I am.

He said the other day that he doesn't need sex and even masturbated in the bedroom while I slept on the couch, so what the hell? 

I'm so confused.

Fuck, this I need to just keep him as an innocent friend to talk about football, shopping, and movies. Then seek a local sexual beta that I can put on chastity until they get me to orgasm 25 times. I should write about it. 

Do not have a sexual, constantly horny woman in one room and masturbate in the other . . . it makes no sense. Sexually frustrated. 

I need way more than vanilla sex. This isn't doing much and only two positions and he can't handle either. Grrrr. I think I am more sexually frustrated with him than writing alone. 

He has me to sexual frustrated that I haven't written erotica since we met in the end of October. 

But he keeps buying me stuff . .  . claiming that is what friends would do. I refuse to use someone for stuff and want to be friends to talk to but we need to stop the sex. 

My loneliness is making meh sex into the idea that it could be good with the lights turn out and fantasize harder. Sigh. 

Note: this was to be posted DEC 14th (13th is my bday)

Some birthday . . . sigh. 

I didn't orgasm. Guys its not enough for you slid in the pussy, you have to find the g spot too. I was so frustrated when he came and I didn't, that I couldn't masturbate. I also hate masturbating when I have someone I should be able to play with all of the time.

By the time, he finished, he yawned and fell asleep just moments later. . . sexually selfish jerk.

I miss the idea of my sexual beta. They would have bought toys and made me orgasm over and over until I couldn't think. Lol. 

When did I agree to a vanilla sexual thing with a older friend who doesn't even do it once a week? Why did I do it?

I keep dreaming of wanting to give blow jobs and getting denied. What right minded man would deny a blow job?

I never had a complaint, but the last guy I was with said he didn't like them. I think it's getting to me. Why do I keep finding the crazy guys? 

Here's a secret . . . I actually enjoy giving a blow job as long as the guy is clean and doesn't push my head on his cock (9 times out 10, I choke. If I choke, I stop.)

Why do I feel I need him in my life? 

1. He is not a sub (or a very good one).
2. He is not sexually in me at all. 
3. He complains about complaining (Yes, that much.)
4. I feel negative around him, like he is beyond my help. I feel lonely for the both of us.
5. He isn't into me romantically. 

Yet something is keeping me holding on. . . Damn it, attractive God, sexy fates, please send someone in both our lives that turn us on. I'm sad, depression, and feel the cob webs growing in my prime pussy. 

I posted what I wanted on the ad. I thought I was very specific. Here is the ad. . .

What I am 34. Seeking men closer to my age.
I'm a dominant sensual mistress who loves control.
I am a writer, cook, and organizer.
I love to cook, write, bake, cuddle, "play," cats, Watch movies, listen to music

I'm seeking someone
Submissive, but who I still have intellect connection with.
I want someone I can do activities with, date, cuddle, and have a good time.

I want a long term female led relationship at least level 3.

Please no taken men or men with kids.

So how did I find a sexless, vanilla guy over ten years older who just wants to be friends?

This is more a general rant. . . Why is it when I want a relationship, they want to do be friends, and now I'm ok as friends, he wants more? Sigh. 

I don't know if he bipolar or is just lonely. Whatever. 

Next year I'm getting myself a real submissive.