My rants

If you are fake, unsure of yourself, or know you are going to not keep your account, please don't message me.

I'm so sick of being disappointed.

I'm not asking you to move mountains, I just want you to read my blog and chat with me. Is that too hard?

I'm more and more thinking that sex is not worth this drama. 

What happened. . .  An ex tried to enter my life. . . Sigh. I want to be friends, I should know better. 

I've  been lonely looking for decent friends.

one of my ex, I'm trying to be friends with, I knew against my better judgement . . . I talked with him hoping he wasn't still immature, and I would make a friend who gets some kink. 

No, he just wanted a fan club . . . Some random girl telling how great his pics are. Sighs. 

Then just today he dropped his account. . . in the middle of us communicating. No good bye. No I'm not interested. Just ghosted me. 

I'm done with the fakes. If you are not real and honest, then please lone me alone.

I'm currently vanilla chocolate chip ice cream. . .

I wish I was a funky flavor, but at this point in my life. . . I am NOT extreme. 

Currently my limit list seems to be longer than my kink list. 

I am just seeking friends and blog reader (followers). 

I have health issues in which I cannot physically enjoy sex. I enjoy oral sex on men, but it turns me on and makes me cranky because I cannot get release. Even today, I had a naughty dream where I was sucking a celebrity's cock in a car near a fast food place. It was hot being in the middle of day and people could see us. I was so good I got him to cum two times with my tongue and third time just talking about it. However it just made me flustered, in the dream and in real life, because I couldn't release. I can't physically enjoy an orgasm (without days of back and pelvic cramps) currently so I write about it. 

Three of my current projects, I wish to publish, are kinky erotica.I will post more about them when I get ready to publish. 

I'm not seeking a relationship unless you are asexual submissive and are seeking friends first. 

Please enjoy my blog. 

I'm more into the idea of guy "play" kitties than puppies. Puppies are OK, but I have a spiritual connection with cats. I like when they climb into your lap and snuggle. Nothing is more sexier animalistic than cat purring or kneading its paws in me. Why do more men rather be a dog than a cat?

Let me describe what goes on. .  . 

Its been a months since I've been talking to a decent guy. . . I'm thinking the few, that aren't taken, are hiding from being cheated on and hurt before. 

I keep getting message after message from guys let's fuck, bang, or I'll make you happy through pleasure. I used to love sex. However I have extreme female health issues in which sex hurts.

I want friendship and love. I want someone who understands me. 

So now when I get a message, which is far and few, I get excited. I get hopeful. I try to be cautious and not desperate, but I am lonely. I wait on the slow internet, and get antsy. Within the 45 seconds of loading, I envisioned a cute, decent guy into me, morning texts, making me laugh, and wanting me for me. 

I load up the message to find out the guy had either blocked me or deleted his account. Instant let down. Sigh. 

I know its fate keeping one less creep away, but if a account is delete or they blocked me, then get rid of the empty message, please. 

I started this morning with sketchy internet and empty message. Oh yay, I feel rejected by the internet. 

I am a natural dominant. . . but I will tell you what I like to do. . . I love to give oral more than receiving it. (Most guy think they know what they know they are doing down that maybe so for some girls who are super sensitive, I have certain spots and that is it. Again, I will not tell anyone those spots. They have to find they, if I let them. Receiving does not really please me as much as playing with submissive toy.)

I like to feel the guy gasp under me when I have ahold of his cock. I prefer oral over a hand job.

• I love to make him gasp, moan, and even more beg for me to do more.
• I love to have him beg and plead that I lick and suck his growing and throbbing cock. Yeah, that’s right I have the power. I have the control.
• I love to put entire semi soft clean cock in my mouth, and feel it grow, while I massage it with my thick, wet tongue.I love to feel the blood flow in his cocks veins as his member grows. It feels my mouth like an inflating sucker.
• I enjoy to lick up and down his shaft making it flitch in appreciation and pleasure.
• I enjoy when his cocks throbs in my mouth and his body quakes in anticipation.
• I like to lick the balls only if they are very clean.
• I like to play with the tip and taste the salty precum.
• I love the fact that I have the power to decide if he is allowed to cum or should I suck and stop and make him wait just that much longer. . . Has he been a good or a very bad boy? *Giggles*
• If he is clean, and a good boy, then I will take him deep and swallow his explosion. 

I've never had a guy not say “thank you.” (note: if you don’t say “ thank you,” then you don’t get another one.)

I will tie my guy down if he going to get handsy. I hate when a guy pushes my head down when I am sucking and then I choke. The next guy who does this. . . teeth will be used, this is not a threat . . . it is a warning.

I just realize that people maybe confused about my view on cross dressing. I personally do NOT care if a guy wears a dress or panties. That is their right of expression and good for them. So if he likes those nylons with that summer dress and those pumps, then good for him. (Please don’t have the facial hair with the dress, it confuses people. I know it confuses me.)

I am glad a guy can enjoy his feminisms in a fun little number. . . However I will Not be turned on by it! It is not really whether a female or males wears a dress, heels, nylons, leather suits, and some costumes, the idea of fashion just simply turns me off. (I prefer a guy in only boxers. He cleans in boxers, cooks in boxers, massages me n boxers, serve me in boxers.)

I was disappointed in an ex who really shocked me over becoming a female. He got started as a cross dresser but did not tell me any of this until after I had sex with him. I was new to dating and sex, and I had believed I had broke him. I know it sounds crazy, but we had a date, and a second time we hung out things got flirty, and loose fast. . . then no three day call rule, he calls me the next day and tells me he wants to be a girl. . . .what *beep* was I supposed to think?

I was being too aggressive over those who enjoy being out of the dressing box so to speak. I’m sorry.

I also feel a bit hypocritical, because I wear guys clothes.
• I don’t mean fashion or suits, but I’m a bbw and a xxxl in guys fit better.
• My feet are wide and blow female shoes within 6 months of buying them. I can keep a pair of guys shoes for over a year. I refuse to wear heels.
• I think male sweatpants are better and more comfy than female sweatpants.

I dress for comfort . . . not style. Clothes and make up do not make me feel sexy, so maybe I just truly do not understand why others do it. (Especially when clothes just get ripped off and make up gets smeared during sex.)

I am seeking just friend within my own age (25 to 45). I just want to find people my age with similar interests (anything but sex at the moment.)

Interests: writing, blogging, reading, card games, video games, cooking and baking, movies, coloring, making photo albums, walking, board games, watching TV, and cats. 

This what I don't want, and I keep feeling like I keep getting them. (If I say don't want it, then I DO NOT want it.)

• I don't want men old enough to be my father or young enough to be my son.
• I don't want married men.
• I don't want men from forgien countries. (Note: Not everyone in America is rich or can easily find a job. I will not married some random guy for a visa, it is illegal. however if you are from Europe and want to just chat, then I will talk, but I cannot host or afford to visit.)

Please read my entire profile and blog, learn about me, and then see if you really want to get to know me and you're what I'm seeking, then find me. 

Two words describe my life: tease and unfair. 

I guess I'm the heroine who is just supposed to keep pushing. . . but I am slowly losing my hope and I'm still picking up the shattered pieces of my heart. 

Unfair, my ex ignored all the rules, cheated on me, and still got to travel and fuck the money sucking whore before having me lose my father's side family so he could go home for like three weeks and then died of cancer. . . meanwhile I live on in motel . . . I took care of dying ex and treated him with total respect, I do NOT deserve to live in a prision-like motel. . . damn bitch land-lady gives us unwritten rule after damn rule. We pay weekly for our room, and we are not hurting anyone. . . leave us alone! Worst part between my anemia and apnea, I can't sleep, focus or work. I was told not to drive or work by two doctors. I also have depression, anxiety, and PTSD. My mom is about to have a huge hernia surgery next month so she can't work either. Sighs. When are we going to get a break?

Tease. . . I get close to someone or a creature like our stray cat. . . I was told not to feed the cat and shoo it away, it kills my soul a little every time I hear the cat meow and I can't take care of it. 

I make a new online friend who confesses their feelings to me, but when I need to vent they have to go. 

I find someone who gets me, but they are dominant too. . .its why they get me. Sighs. (Can't a submissive get me and like me that I'm interested in too?)

I given in to a sub guy who thinks he is interested in the idea of me, but it does not last past the first date. 

I find an apartment within our price range, but you must give a blood test, a 1000 plus down, and pets are way extra. By the time I get there, it taken. .  

Why can't I get a break?

I keep getting taunted by my dreams. . . 

Kissing random guys because they think I'm nice or cute. Which is not me. . . I have to have meaning in my relationships.

Yesterday. . . 

I had a dream in which I was dating a guy, but he was easily distracted and picky.

We were on our third date, which most people know what it means. . . however he avoided the situation, but I really wanted to suck his cock. (I secretly wanted to know what he taste like and make him squirm with my lips and tongue.)

He had to supposedly help his brother, and then he ended up missing. . . 

Sigh. What does it mean?

I haven't gotten off since February. 

I haven't been turned on since March. 

I haven't been sexual impressed or motivated since my birthday (December). 

I am demisexual and monogamous and sapiosexual. I need a single guy intelligent who is loyal and really into me. 

I say the word dominant and the online submissive get desperate and crazed. 

Just because I am a dominant woman who enjoys control does NOT mean I will pick just any submissive who messages me. 

I want a submissive boyfriend for a long term female led relationships possible marriage who is geninuely interested in me. 

There are just submissive who just want to be tied on the bed and be sexually tortured.  I am NOT into the extreme sexual teasing. 

I was seeking more of a relationship not sex. Even now I'm just so turned off by everything. So many submissives are caught on the terms not the people. I'm on break.