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My rants

Random thoughts on my head, my main blog is connected to my profile.
5 years ago. October 21, 2018 at 10:29 AM

I was into a guy. . .(It's been the strongest connection to someone since my ex. . .now it feels like it was a huge, long teasing bitter dream.)

Tuesday, all day, I talked to this guy who I felt our ideas worked out. . .he could have finished my sentences. He was submissive who was in a long relationship  similar to the relationship I was in.

We were texting (yes, I was stupid and infatuated, so much I went against my guts and texted on my broken phone. I didn't even have his damn picture. I was so stupid, but was that giddy, excited feeling. . .God, I miss it.) I fought my sleep to text him. (With, my sleep issues that is really saying something.)

He said he wanted a dominant like me. .  . He wanted the relationship thing. (I was very grateful, after 3 years of dating, being blown off, catfished, and finding a lot of guys just wanting kinky sex without any meaning, to find someone who was an experience submissive who wanted a long term female led relationship, I was excited. Was that wrong?)

He said he even told family. He sounded liked he was so excited, so what beep happened?

(I even ask him if he had any dealbreakers, and he said no.)

I go to bed so bouncy, excited. I wake up to crickets. 

Then Wednesday came around and No text. . .

I gave him the benefit if the doubt,  maybe he was busy with family or work. 

Thursday nada. 

Friday, he was on the site we first met. I messaged him, no reply back. Then he blocked me. 

 

All I have to say I don't care if you are dominant, submissive, top, bottom, or just vanilla, at least have some manners and send a message saying why you think it will not work. Give both sides closure. 

 

5 years ago. October 21, 2018 at 9:59 AM

What are my hobbies? Writing, blogging, cooking, baking, cats, YouTube, Netflix, movies, music, and shopping. 

What is my ideal way to spend a Sunday? Football on the tv, And playing my brothers dice FF RPG or playing card games. . .with a full food spread. . .  Wings, pizza, sub sandwich, fried chicken and fresh veggie pizza, machines, chili etc (leftover for lunches)

What do I enjoy more than sex? writing, shopping, and cooking.

What do I hate? Cleaning, men who pretend to sub to get to not think or they think kinky sex, and working 9 to 5(I prefer working the later shift, if I have to, not a morning person). 

Best time for me? 2pm to 2am

Do I want kids? No, I want cats, fur babies

Why do I like cats? They help my anxiety. I love their independence, and I feel wanted when a cat comes to me.

Cats or dogs? Cats, duh. I like certain types of dogs. . . Beagles, husky, keeshond and corgi. 

What is most important to me in a relationship? Trust, open communication, and do not push me into things I'm not comfortable doing. Remember I am in control, and just because I do not agree with you does not mean you were not heard.

5 years ago. October 17, 2018 at 10:44 AM

I have posted stories and such on here (and my main blog behindthemistress.tumblr.com )

I just want to point out just, because I write a kinky erotic . . . . In a twisted fetish, does NOT mean I am that I am extremely kinky or sexual in person. (Look on my profile, I have a huge limit list.)

I've noticed that my muses have gotten more sadistic and darker lately (it could be displayed anger.) This is NOT me in real life. 

I'm glad you enjoy my erotica, but I'm just saying it's my imaginary world, not me. 

I will probably mellow out once I get back to writing my vampire series and ghost stories.

5 years ago. October 16, 2018 at 7:01 AM

I have been dealing with a lot of clueless submissives (those who think they are or want to be "my" slave), and even doms who want to be submissive. 

I am NOT a normal dominant, and I am not a dominatrix

 

You seem to have wrong idea of what I need and want. 

 

So I guess I need to teach you. (Please stop thinking you instantly know me, you CANNOT please me with pain or sex.)

I thought I pretty explanatory in my profile, but I guess I have to repeat myself. Sigh. 

 

First of all, are you interested in me?

What are my hobbies?

What is my ideal way to spend a Sunday?

What do I enjoy more than sex?

Do I want kids?

Why do I like cats? 

What is most important to me in a relationship ?

I am an open book, please ask me question (about me not my dominance,  I have my dominance info in my blog http://behindthemistress.tumblr.com )

 

Please compliment and encourage me. (No bad hit on lines unless they are funny.)

"You're pretty."

"I'm thinking about you."

"I hope you are having a nice day."

Making me feel good about myself is a step forward to a happy or content me.

A happy dominant means a possible good time for you.

 

 

 

 

5 years ago. October 8, 2018 at 7:43 AM

I try not to be sadistic, I hate pain. I have anger issues and the best way for me to get them out is my writing. It's why I normal write paranormal or horror. 

The current thing that is pissing me off  is all of the married and taken men hitting on me. If you had a fetish and didn't communicate them deal with your so-called-love-your-life . It's wrong to cheat on your wife because she's not into sex or fetishes. Women have more issues with body and sex as they get older, and throwing you Dick and saying "me horny," is not a turn on for 95% women out there. Research and communicate with your spouse. (I'm not lucky to have love and commitment in my life.) 

 

Warning this is very sadistic. . . (Even my muses got pissed)

 "It's Permanent"

 

"Do you have any regret or feel sorry for what you did?" The male judge asked the defendant. 

"I'm a very jealous person. I told him I was jealous." She spoke the truth. 

"Please answer the question, ma'am." The judge huffed, irked. 

"NO. HELL NO!" She was loud in her rude answer. 

"I am worried for asking this, but is there anything else you need to say before I give my verdict?" He was not sure what she was going to say. 

She took a deep breath and calmed down. 

"I never got to tell my story--none of my words were heard. Sure, I did act out of pure rage, hatred, and heartache." She paused. 

"Your Honor, we were together just under five years. . . 60  months. That is 60 times in which my cycle happened . . .during my cycle he would disappear for three to five days at a time. As if he didn't think I would noticed. I noticed. Damn it, I NOTICED!" She swallowed her tears hard. 

"I noticed how there was always ice cream or chocolate, but he was never there to rub my feet. And I noticed days later, he would show up with flowers and was always in a better and encouraging mood." She took another deep breath. 

"I needed him being encouraging then, not days later, or flowers or the twenty pounds I gained from the sweets. " she growled holding her belly.

"One time yes, during my bad time, he said he was going fishing with his brother. The dumbass forgot to lock his office and forgot to take his cherished computer. It took me three guesses to get his password. It wasn't me but his damn dead dog!" She barked. 

"Your honor, she's babbling," the office looked at his watch as if in a rush. 

"It's not 5 o'clock, you're not off, so let her story be heard."

"I looked at his computer history. I saw sites for dominatrix, leather whores, bondage videos and I realized he wanted to be a leather bondage bitch. " She rolled her eyes.

"If it was just porn, I would have blown it off, maybe even tried a decent roleplay. He never asked how open I was." She sighed realizing how they had never really communicated about the bedroom.

"It was the sexual dating sites and pop up he was getting from girls who he encounters with. . .'had fun last month, let's do it again.' Or 'my naughty sex toy has seen his Domme Missy, in months. I miss you.' I wasn't just pissed , I was embarrassed that it too me five  years to get it." she growled in her last breath.  

"He had e-mails from a penpal that consisted of very exploit stories of being tied and spanked because he was a 'bad boy.' " she squealed her sadden pain was turning to instant rage. 

"So he wanted to be a bad boy, I will make him a bad boy.i got a notebook and wrote all of the kinks he really wanted." she sighed.

"I rewrote to all of the girls that gave him messages and said that he has a permanent dominatrix now. Their skills were no longer needed." She laughed. 

"I took his emergency credit card with $2,500 limit, and went on a very naughty shopping spree." Her simple laugh turned sadistic within the second. 

"All of the things I bought . . .hmmmm. . . A leather outfit for me, matching whip and flog. Electric machine, butt plugs, all kinds of lubes, red satin sheet, a leather harass, metal cock rings, and a vibratoring for myself. I displayed all of the toys on the bed after I put the satin sheets on. I used the vibrator and made myself cum at least 20 time during that set up. In fact, I was completely naked with the huge vibrator in me while set up the harass. It never fell out that how tight if pussy that asshole was losing. There are pictures with my records." She smiled, giggled,  and bit her lip in a flirty tease. The office fingered the the photo album with her records.

"Bring that here, and please in a profesional way finish your story." The judge swallowed seeing the picture of her in a leather outfit. 

"Fine." She huffed.

"By the time the room was set up, I had enough time to cry in the shower. . .  And get my outfit on. The jerk lied, desserted, and cheated on me. . . . So he deserves not to enjoy such things again!"

"I greet him with a path of old chocolates that went to the bedroom. May he think of great misfortune with chocolate," she giggled saying the last part under her breath. 

"Please ma'am get on with it," the judge was griwing inpatient . 

"Your Honor, I was on trial for almost a week, and I have less than hour to tell my story? What if your wife was cheating on you, that she tucked several men telling that basically you weren't goid enough to please her?" He sighed at her reply.

"Fine, please go on."

"He got to the bedroom and was greeted by a flick of my flogger. I demanded that he strip off all his clothes and he did as he was told. He thought I was just being fun and kinky. . . I was giving him an opportunity to come clean."

"I put him in a harass with his arms and legs spread  a part. . . He was only half hard so I took pictures. . . And posted them on my account I made from the previous that he was on. I wanted to show those sluts what a real dominatrix would do. He was so pathetic trying not to let his face be show in case of work. I'm sure work knew he had cheated, so may they knew the time he got caught. There was ironic thing that his body was an x and he was my ex. That was just a fun stupid fact." She smiled.

"I turned on the camera, and let others watch." She didn't tell them about her secret acvount in which she got donations from the video. 

"The safety word is fuck-me-harder. It has to be said in a girly, whiny, bitchy voice. I demostrated in his ear and laughed." She paused.

"I let out his arms and cuffed them behind his back. Then I hung the cuffed arms on another rig from the ceilling so he was bent over. He could see the toys on the bed through his legs. He watched me get the wooden paddle with a hole in. I told him 'the store clerk told me the hole in the paddle is for two reasons, so more air goes through and it stings even more and so it doesn't crack.' I will admit when he flinched as it smacked my hand lightly, I laughed." She was just being honest.

"The first few specks were light, but twelve his ass was hot, by twenty I bet you he couldn't sit down, three hours and thirty smacks later, his eyes were tearing and as red as his ass. I will give him credit he did say fuck, but I never heard the entire safety word."

"I didn't think I would like that but, your Honor, giving him justice with each harsh, hard slap on his red red hot stinging ass still makes me soak'n wet." She flirtly hissed.

"Then I grabbed the cold lube anspd smacked and smothered it over his burning ass and then grabbed the biggest butt plug that was there, it was twice the size my fist. It was probably made in Germany. I put hot cinnamon lube on the butt plug and i shooved it up the ass. Normally, I would have played with his ass, stretch it out, and made it enjoyable. However I was pissed and heartbroken."

"He got out the words 'oh, fuck, me.' However not the safety word. I un rigged his hands and hung him back into the x position. This showed his 6 inched pride and joy that he told others was 8 inches. So lied to others not just me." She sighed. 

"I saw his cick throbbing, was he really getting off by this? I would have spit on his cock, but that thing didn't deserve my DNA. I put on a thick black rubber glove and stroked icey hot on it, he squealed as I blew on it, the air made his body shakes against the harass. 'Oh god, damn. Shit' i put on the medium set of metal cock ring locking in his throbbing stinging cock. Yes I said medium, because he's just average." She laughed.

I took off my glove, grabbed the whip and asked him. . . 'So you have been a very bad boy.' He thought I was simply playing and replied  'yes I was a very bad boy,' he practical giggled in his answer. I whipped his cock once hitting his skin. He groaned teary-eyed." The several men in the also groaned as if they knew the stinging pain.

"I asked ' Damnit, bitch, Why were you a bad boy?' I gave him three seconds to respond, and lifted the whip, I grabbed his hair and screamed 'Why, bitch? Are you a bad boy?' He stuttered 'I-I didn't catch any fish.' I knew he was in a lie, so I whipped his cock again hitting against his metal ring the stinging vibrated through his cock and hanging balls. I grabbed some clamps with weights about 5 pounds each and clipped each on to his balls. 'Oh god, fuck.' He whimpers as I let the weights fall." The men all motion as if to hold their lower halves. 

"I then played the answering machine 'hey bro, it's mac, sorry I can't make it fishing, but you and little lady should enjoy the cabin. Maybe we can hang out next month.' I swear, I heard him say 'Oh shit.' I huffed. 'What else have you lied about?' I was losing patience. 'I am giving ten seconds to be honest with me.' His next words were 'honest with what?' I could not believe he had said that." She bit her lip and swallowed her angry tears. 

"I put the ball gag on his mouth, and whispered 'your computer doesn't lie and bill4812 is not a good password for everything.' I remember his eyes got big. 'I read your list of kinky interests. . . Electric shock, sounds like fun. Did other doms, kitty, baby, sweetie, rose or missy do this? Did you exchange shocking stories with your pen pal, penny?' I put the clean rubber  gloves on and whispered 'i supposed, they never used real names to keep the fantasy,  but did you Missy almost had a pregnancy scare?' I paused for dramatic effect. 'It's ok she was just late.' He didn't give a facial reaction until I put the clamps from the electrical box to his metal rings." She stopped took a breath.

"It's funny too electricity and cock, smells like a hot dog on the grill."

"I think we're done." The judge was truly disturbed. 

"I could have done worst. I've heard stories of woman who cut it off and feed it too dogs or their husband. I mean i could have diced his cock in a million pieces. My heart was broken in a million piece  and barely felt I made justice."

"Do you have a therapist yet?" The judge asked.

"Yes, we are trying to my anger into art and writing."

"I think you need more therapist session, but no patrole. My decision has been made."

 

 

5 years ago. October 5, 2018 at 12:33 AM

 

 I am  an affection dominant

I need a cuddly submissive boyfriend 

I want him to spoil me

I need balance

I want him to give attention and space

I need someone into the real me (true interest and desire)

I want to control majority of his life (if not all of it)

I need to feel that control.

I want him locked up (needing my touch for release)

I need a committed relationship 

I want compliment, pampering, and encouragement

I need to know their is a submissive boyfriend into me

I want to marry my future submissive boyfriend 

I need him to want me. 

I want chastity (until mynpainful orgasms go away)

I need to micromanage our life

I want him to plead and beg

I need to have several cats. 

I want a single guy with no kids (and nonsmoker, not bald, and close to my age.)

I need him to have open communication.

I want him to try to understand me (always learning and hopefully a reader)

I need to know this can come true. 

6 years ago. September 25, 2018 at 7:53 AM

<p>I had to explain this story several times.  . . So it easier to just post. I am really. I am picky. I am demi-sexual. I have to have an attraction and connection to any guy I sleep  with. (Do not push me or repeat a request over and over again. This is very irksome, and I will not connect with someone like that. I want someone who submit to not argue with what I want.)

I was with a guy for 8 years. He was a submissive and got me into bondage and how to be a findom. I controlled his paid check, paid the bills, and budgeted his games and such. I decided when we had sex most of the time unless he find my weak spots and encouraged me. 
He would get me gifts, take me shopping, and take me out even on a tight budget. I spoiled him with sex toys, and I was really good at cooking and baking. </p>

Then he wanted to try be dom, and let him, but he wasn’t confident in it. I’m also a natural dominant so it was hard for me to submit. (I will not submit again, I know what I am. I know what I want… I am a dominant sensual mistress who loves control. I want a submissive that I click with and worships and spoils me.)

I said let’s try an open relationship after I had some hormone issues. However the rule was it could not be in the building that I was in. I didnt want to know about, but then i walked in on him and my best friend high school. I got drunk and tried to give him threesome with her to be the awesome girlfriend, but I felt like I was left out. I told him after that no more open relationship, I couldn’t handle it. 

He started to chat with people online, I was still giving him oral, anal, even cuddles. My pussy would hurt with regular sex, I felt like he was ripping my skin. After while he would ignore, live me at home a lone for weeks while he was having an online affair. He rather be on his computer than with me. He wouldn’t go to the doctor with me to get fix so I can have normal sex again. 

He confessed feeling with her two before I broke up with him. My heart was shattered and I had to live family again, I went from  freedom, to Cinderella. It was over a year later, he had just a liver transplant and the he left me for said he wouldn’t make it.  She was a scammer artist, trying to get money from him. His mother and brother saw this and call me a half of dozen times to come and help take of him.  I went against my stepmother suggestions and helped him. It was an emotional Rollercoaster of six weeks. I gave up, my birthday, December 13th, Christmas, and new years to be with him in the hospital. His transplant went well, but he got an aggressive cancer and died in January of this year. 

I haven’t dated (pass two dates), or enjoyed myself. I haven’t had decent orgasm or enjoyed a good cuddle. I want to find someone that I click with… I want a sub, who is at least half as devoted as I am. I want to be worshipped and spoiled. I am a good person, damn it, and deserve a good sub. 

6 years ago. September 25, 2018 at 7:36 AM

Tom and I have physically known each other 11 years today. We had been together 8 of those years. I have physically known Tom for 11 years. 

Today, September 25, 2007, is the anniversary of the day we first met. We had chatted and emailed on the internet (myspace) three months first. 

Tom was genuinely interested in me. (No hidden agenda. Just true interest, it helped that I responded to his personal ad on MySpace. That is not something I have truly found in anyone else . . . I've found a few interested, but it's from a similar hobby or writing, which is good, but it's just one aspect of me. Then I get those who are submissive and desperate and just looking for anybody to serve. He proved to me that I am not just anybody. I want someone  to get to know me as an unique female, demi, gray, dominant and complicated (unsexual) human being. You need to get to know me, before in will show any of kink.)

The thing was I was NOT used to the constant attention as Tom was a natural submissive. He wanted to wine me, dine me, pamper me, spoil me like a queen. (I grew up the oldest, I was taking care of everyone else, I had no idea how to accept it.)

"How are you?"

"How can I help you?"

"What can do for you?"

"I got these for you. Do you like them?" (He had given me roses, they were beautiful. To be honest, flowers die, I get more excited over notebooks, bic pens, kittens, foods. If you do flowers I like lilacs and carnations. My mom is allergic to roses, and I have family visit a lot.)

I was not used to any of this, so affectionate, so cuddly, so into me, he loved attention as much as love giving it to me. It was a very overwhelming at first (but now I miss it.)

Overtime, I learned to like the cuddling  and affection,  (I loved when he got excited over something, like reading together, watching anime, videogames or dice role play games.) I liked the feeling of being secure (safe), and that I was trusting and comfortable so I could be myself. However between the female health issues and depression. It was harder for me to enjoy or be myself and even harder for him to enjoy me. 

I was in pelvic pain: it would start as cramps, so bad my thighs and back would feel it too. My moods were all over and after years of this . . . I know I worn him down. 

It started when we couldn't keep each other hands off each other, and by the time it ended he needed time away from me. (I feel sometimes it's Karma from the times, I wanted the computer writing instead of cuddling or just my own time . . . He was disabled so, he was home all of the time, and it really got on my nerves at times. I did learn I need balance.) I felt my emotions and pain and the lack of sex we weren't having, caused him to seek positive and kinky attention else where. 

We broke up in September 2015 when I knew he was in live with someone else, and he needed his own time to chat with her when he was supposed  be supporting me at my doctor appointment. I never felt more alone in my life. (I was being the good sport and helped take care of him from December 2016 to January 2017. . . He had a liver transplant in August 2016 and his mother called me to help. He died in January of an aggressive cancer, he had it a few week, so I'm glad he didn't suffer much, but I lost my father's side of the family taking care of him. So I guess I suffered for the both of us.) 

However he ruined me for "normal" or vanilla dating. 

I cannot go back to vanilla because I like bondage if I can ever enjoy sex again. 

I like being pampered, spoiled,  and served to. 

I will not just screw a random guy. I want caring for me, I need a connection. 

I love when a guy cleans, make beds, do laundry, and guys who do the dishes is hot. 

I have to be in control . . . Menu, budget, bills, dates, allowance. Chores and errands are done before his freetime.

I enjoy having him ask or better beg for things allowance, treats, video games, to go out with his friends etc.

I want him to want to kiss, cuddle and massage me, especially before bed.

I want him to have his own passions, something that makes him excited. 

I love texts, messages, and notes to show he cares. 

I do appreciate submission, but I also want romance and genuine intrigue in me. 

Most of all I need to feel safe, in control, and connected with him. 

Like I said he was a romantic passionate submissive boyfriend and has ruined me for most.

6 years ago. September 8, 2018 at 6:22 PM

Rant 53

I'm not into "online fun," and I've mentioned this before. I am currently turned off, and I have not found the right guy to turn me on. 

I love a good conversation, but words don't turn me on. I'm sick if guys just thinking their dick.  (Yes, I miss giving blow jobs, its for that guy that I am in a monogamous  relationship with and care about and that he cares about me.) 

Online is just a tease and I do not do cam to cam. 

 

Rant 54

I do not want someone with kids. . .once you are a parent your kids should be number one always. (Even If you don't life together.)

Please do not tell me that you'll spoil mem but secretly leave your kids hanging.  

I'm not mean to be mom or a step mom, and I do not want to be. 

It's not your fault or your kids fault, but I'm going down a path with no kids in it. 

If you have kids (I dont care if they don't life with you are newborn or are full grown.), please seek someone else. 

 

Rant 55

I think rather win the lottery and travel than get hurt again. I am demi-sexual so I need an emotional connection and commitment for sex, and I'm not ready for both. Even my muses have not been into erotica for months.  

My ex and I broke up 3 years ago , and I was not completely over him when he died Jan 2017. I still compare others to him. We were together 8 years and engaged twice. We even had a wedding ate determined out at one point. (I was told as long as I was comparing, that I am not mentally ready to move on. I'm not sure when that is and until then I'm just seeking friends, preferably around my age.) 

I'm going to take some time and heal myself. 

 

Final Note: I think I'm going to take a break on sites and blogs like these. If we are messaging on here, please ask for my email. 

6 years ago. September 7, 2018 at 2:53 PM

I'm seeking of both genders. Please be closer to my age of 35. . . Age limit 25 to 45. 

I do want those in 50s or higher as they instantly start to parent me. I have three parents, I do not need more.

When I get those in their late teens/early 20s it's usually just partying or sex or both. I dont do drugs. I do not smoke or drink. I'm not seeking sex at this point.

If you are a male please be single, because I am demisexual and if I attached I dont want to be rejected because you have someone else. 

I'm not seeking slave friends. . .

In fact, if my doctors can't help my pain, I may give up sexual dominance all together  and just stick cuddling and micromanagement.