My rants

Since, I posted my last blog, subs have been coming out of the woodwork messaging me. . . As if it is their last chance. . .

However they are just like most of the others. . . "What are you going to do to me? Are you going to tie me down? Humiliate me? Call me small? Tell me im your bitch?"

If you read my profile, my entire profile, which majority dies not. Then you know I am NOT into the following: humiliation, sissies, cross dressing, extreme fetishes , pain, lots of random poly sex. 

I am dominant female seeking a submissive boyfriend for a long term female led relationships possible marriage. I'm into chastity, control, and micromanagement. However this does not mean max control . . . I will not control your job, but you must have one. 

Why am I explaining this again when I'm taking a break. . . Sighs. 

I enjoy just decent conversations, but most guys think with the wrong head. They see dom, but not the lady behind the word. I just want a submissive guy I'm into to be into me too, but it's too much to ask. 

If a genie said I could have my ideal submissive or money and friend, at this point I would choose the second because my ideal sub doesn't exist. 

On an extra note: I will not meet you, if you do not show me current pic.

I just read this article and it opened my eyes. . . 

https://www.yourtango.com/2015262234/my-horoscope-told-me-ignore-my-love-life-and-i-listened

Now mind you I'm not an Aries (I'm a Sagittarius.) However I think it works for me. 

Last year, I got stood up more times than I had second dates. I grind against my ex and secretly compare when I read profiles, and I need to stop. 

I need to love myself and focus on my life, my hobbies  and my family. I want to blog and write more.

I had real, true love for 7 out of 8 years in my last relationship, and I am grateful for it. However I need to renew myself. I don't know if I am truly over the griving process. 

I kept pushing the ideal submissive boyfriend because I was lonely, but sexually I can't give what I feel any healthy relationship deserves. 

I know I need more friends, so if anyone wants to talk, I'm willing to chat. 

If I say "no."

It does not mean push harder.

If I say "no."

It does not mean I will change my mind. 

If I tell you, "we are not right for each other,"

Then move on and seek someone else. 

It does not mean tell me what you think I want. 

If I say "no."

You say "I'm sorry for wasting your time."

Or

"Good luck"

You do not say "You are lying."

Or 

"You know you want to humiliate and beat me."

If you read my profile,

Then you'll know I'm not like that. 

You'll see that I want a serving, loving, kind submissive into me. 

Not a perverted, horny, guilty submissive who just wants the painful bitter sex but not the connection who does not understand the word . . . NO!

This weekend has been frustrating. . .

I feel guys my age are repelled by me. . . Im not sure why. I feel like if I'm not saying that I want sex 24/7, then I might as well fall into a hole. 

I feel guys my father's age keep hitting on me, what the hell? It's so gross. I have a very complicated, and tricky relationship with my father and do not need another old, complicated man in my life. I'm also not attracted to the older type. 

Currently, with my family situation (taking care of mom), I'm just looking for chat and to get to know a decent human being, but I'm beginning to see that it's almost impossible to find that. 

I'm sick to death when a guy says he wants to talk, but then when it's not sex, he disappears. This even happens on nonsexual sites. 

If you are taken ( unhappily married or with a vannila bitchy girlfriend), please instantly pass me by. I'm only talking to single guys, I get attached easily. 

I know I am looking for a needle in a haystack. I get it. Note for sub: If you want a huge sex party then move on. I'm into chastity and do believe in release, but its not going to be a constant huge tied down sex fest with me. Im more into a relationship and I'm even considering giving up the FLR dream just to find a guy who loves me and wants to be with me. 

I feel so lonely, but guys just a set a hole or sub just sees a dream of a firm voice with rules. . . I'm way more than that. 

I used to love sex. If I can't stop the cramping, when I orgasm, then I would love it again. 

However in year 2013, I started to get horrible cramps during and after orgasm . . . Sometime they lasted up to three days, no meds helped. Sometimes a hot bath did help until I got out. 

So, I stopped having orgasms, why should the guy I'm with enjoy orgasms if I could not? So I pushed no sex, which made my sex-feen ex . . .who felt he "needed" sex like oxygen, very cranky and we fought a lot. This fueled my depression. 

About a year down the road, I felt bad, told him he could fuck thinking he was still going to love, cuddle, kiss and spoil me. . . I gave him rules, but he didn't listen to me or follow them. 

The only thing that would turn me on is when he begged for something. . . 

He cheated on me for my ex high school best friend, but that exploded in my face. 

Then he fell for a money greedy psycho bitch, and wouldn't even hold my hand at the doctor. 

However I've gone over a year without cumming. Even now it's been since February since I last came.

I understand the male human body needs release. . . My sub will release once a once automatically, unless they break my rules and maybe I'll ruin their orgasm. 

There are ways to earn more . . . 

I do enjoy a good begging session and sucking up can help too. 

So chastity to me in a way of showing respect and devotion.

I'm sorry for being more snippy or moody for those who have written to me in the last week.

My mom is in the hospital, her hernias (Yes more than one,) are giving her problems. The doctors are leaving us more frustrated than helping. . . Grrrr. 

Then with her other health issues, the doctors want her on a diet in which she volunteered me to have. . . Not happy. I enjoy food, don't take it away from me. 

I am also fighting my dark, depressed thoughts. I just hope I'm strong enough to get through this. . .

My sleep issues and health issues have been bubbling to the surface and I am trying my best to focus on my mom to get her well. (I can't get sick at the same time as my brother with heart and leg issues can't take care of us both.) 

Please notice that I am close to my family, and yes they know I am a controlling dominant. They even have me control the household. 

Right now, I need a supportive submissive, not guys asking which cage they should use, my favorite sexual position, or if they can cum. . . 

As I keep saying, I'm more into the female led relationship, more into controlling and management aspect of the relationship, than just the sex. (If you are horny or just seeking sex, please seek another dominant woman.)

A submissive boyfriend would ask about me, please feel free to ask questions. 

Cluster of rants

1. There is a difference in slaves and submissive. 

Slave has no rights or very limited rights. . . They are to do what they are told to do by their master. Very few questions asked. 

Submissive still has a mind of their own but wants to please their dominant. They still have hopes and dreams, but they are trying to support my happiness and dreams first. 

I do not feel these words are interchangeable.

I'm not just seeking bedroom submissive. You will not make me happy with an orgasm. This is why I want a submissive boyfriend for a long term female led relationships possible marriage in chastity. If you are good and please me then you have chances for release. 

I'm not into humiliation or sissies or CD or pain. 

I'm into controlling my submissive boyfriend with chastity and micromanagement. 

2. I need local and physical. 

I cannot do a long distance online relationship, I tried with a guy for a year and I was left bitter and blocked.

I cannot travel due health: I do not drive and I cannot host. I do not live alone.

I am not alone ever with my live in situation, so no naughty videos, no naughty pics unless I ask. 

3. I'm sick of seeking dick pictures.

If you want to talk to me, I rather see your face and chest. 

It's like 3 date to sex. 

3 pictures to naughtiness. 

Face. 

Chest. 

Naughty. 

Confession: I think I'll never enjoy sex again. 

However it got worst once I found out sex hurt. . . .I get extreme cramps during and after my orgasms, I think I have endometriosis. I am getting tests for it.

Confession: I'm not sure if I'm over my dead ex. 

I was female led relationship for 8 years. My submissive boyfriend had no idea how to handle my crying spells, and he hated how I couldn't have much more sex.
My ex found others for attention and sex. He fell away from me and more into someone else, which I was sick, depressed, and heartbroken.
However a year after we broke up, he got a liver transplant.
My ex's mother asked me to help him, and I was getting ignored with my father's side of the family. So I helped him with meds and meals. I helped him for six weeks, and he died of an agressuve cancer they during surgery.

Confession: I think my depression killed my sexual appetite.

Once he died, I lost all the friends I thought I had. I've been to two therapists, meds but nothing helps.

Now my depression and pain push my sex drive away and its hard for me to find someone new.

Any suggestions for me? 

I was in a flr for 8 years. I feel I need to make this clear . , .

I need a physical relationship with submissive boyfriend (No slaves, no betas). I want someone I can control, who makes me laugh and I can cuddle with. I love massages. 

I miss the dating and physical connection and micromanagement more than the demanding sex.

I am dominant, monogamous, demisexual, saphiosexual, and grey sexual. I need a single, smart, submissive guy between ages 25 to 39, who is mine and mine only. (No culkolds.)

I'm into chastity, control, cuddling, and micromanagement. 

I will not budge on this stuff. I need local or someone who drive and find a place. I cannot drive and cannot host. 

I'm flustered. I keep getting offers from men over and under my age limit. 

If you are under 25 over 45 please seeking someone else.  I will not change my mind, and i will not train you for someone else. Every dom is different and will train in their own way.  

Where are the submissive men my age?