i have been asked many times why did I want to become a slave. How could i want to do that?
And to be honest i struggled with it as well. My entire career has been spent working in male dominated industries - having to prove myself time after time. Having to work harder to get anywhere near the same recognition being pissed off when someone asked me to serve. Somewhere in that Journey though i lost myself.
What i have found in becoming a slave is that through the process you strip all that away. You strip away the facades. You strip away the pretenses. There is no room for any of that. You give up control - one of the hardest things for me to do. To say to someone else you take this. i am always the one who feels i should take control - not give it up. Although i am longing for someone to do this.
The beauty of becoming a slave and the dichotomy is that you actually are given freedom. Freedom to just be you. Freedom to just feel. Freedom to examine every desire you ever had without judgment. Freedom to experience the deep desire you have to serve and please without being diminished in the process. Freedom to not have to control. Freedom to know there is one Master that you serve.
The flip side of that coin is that you have to be willing to be totally open and vulnerable. And that means you open yourself up to being hurt. And hurt badly, because there is nothing worse than totally giving yourself to someone who tosses you to the curb. It crushes you but you learn. Is the pain worth it - Fuck Yeah. It like light and darkness, you can't have one without the other.
Becoming a slave is very similar to the caterpillar becoming the butterfly, you enter into not knowing exactly what will happen and how it will happen. And a lot of times is just a real gooey painful mess. But if you endure you will become the beautiful true authentic self you were meant to be.