A lot has been said about having a slave's heart and what that means. i am not here to debate that argument that has gone on for years. i am just wanting to express what i feel my heart is.
My Master is my world. i was made to serve him. i need to serve him like i need to breath. My dedication runs deep. To be honest i struggle with this at times as we all do because it is such a dichotomy for what i have been conditioned to do. As i have come to accept it i see less and less of the dichotomy. i realize that as i serve i become better at all other aspects of my life.
Commitment and Connection this is the very key to my heart. without the commitment to the relationship, there will be no connection. And for you to control my heart i have to have that connection. A very important factor for me in my relationships is knowing that my Dom can control me. I need that to feel secure and connected. I was told earlier in the week
If we click and have that magic between us, you will be under my control. It will come naturally for both of us.
I hadn't really ever thought about it that way but it is so true. When you have that connection it becomes so much easier. This was one of the lessons that one of my prior Doms taught me. It was all about the connection. Had to have that first.
The lifestyle is a thread of my being - as i started to realize and accept this i became more authentic in everything in my life. Acknowledging and accepting my dark side is one of the biggest self-acceptance exercises i have undertaken. It has taught me so much.
i open myself up and am vulnerable This was a big one. A lot of questioning went into this one. Was i really able to do this? Could i take the chance of being hurt knowing that when i did this i opened myself up? The answer is FUCK YEAH. Now having spent more than one time on the kitchen floor with ice cream and a spoon balling my eyes out (all the women will get this), I know what its like to be hurt. But what i have found on my journey is that each time this happens - i have learned so much. About what i want and what i don't want. And to feel that deeply even when it hurts is much much better than not feeling at all. And each time it has lead me to a better stronger relationship the next time.
Sex as a tool - this one took a while for me to get. To understand that this was just like an exercise program, that i really like to do. LOL. Yes i want to fulfill my fantasies and test my boundaries but am i doing that just for the thrill ( and yes sometimes i am) or to find out more about me and who i truly am. Now don;t get me wrong, i am all for finding that out through sex. but it makes it a much deeper experience.
This is my core - this is who I am - this has taken a lifetime to understand and accept - and i am not done yet by any stretch of the imagination. There is still so much to learn and so much to experience in this journey.
