Looking for help

Looking for help

Jambo • Mar 9, 2019

I’m looking for help I’m new to this and if I had to label myself I think eager and willing would best fit. I’m looking for a female sub to help me learn the ropes and to have fun online with. They get to kind of mold me into the dom i didn’t know I could become. If you have any other tips on the matter I’d love to hear it

evergrey​(sub female){Ashigeru} • Mar 9, 2019

Is it possible in your area for you to attend munches, classes, community events, or find a mentor with a solid reputation? I'd recommend all of these. Also, books! The Heart of Dominance by Anton Fulmen is my absolute favorite as a guidebook to health D/s.

Zaramia​(dom female) • Mar 9, 2019

Exactly this. I'm not sure you'll find many subs willing to take you in hand and turn you into the Dom you want to become. I could be just reacting to your verbiage, or my response could be just a result of my real life encounters lately. I know I am always looking at how you walk in, and either of us needs reformation or moulding, I'm pretty much out at that moment. The only thing I am doing with "Doms looking to be the Best.Dom.Ever", is frankly, topping them and turning them over to the mommies, Dommes, or the switches. (so yes, not topping from the bottom, just actually topping them - and if I can top you, you're probably not actually very dominant). There are a few other sites, where local events are listed regularly, and by area, like fetlife. You might want to join as many community sites as possible, and take everything in, just don't embrace and identify absolutely with what you think you "SHOULD" do or be, till you are sure that is actually how and who you are.
welcome to the dark side - there are only cookies if someone bakes them....

Miki​(masochist female) • Mar 9, 2019

I concur with the above 2. While there may be subs on here who would talk to you in an effort to help by relating their experiences, telling you what they would want in a D/s relationship and such, but other than that you're lining yourself for an adventure prominently featuring something akin to climbing up the slopes with skis on.

You're better off reading literature on the topic and imagining how you would act in any scenarios such literature may present.

You would do well to get to know and be friends with a dom who would then, as in the books, go over what works for him., As the "student" it would be up to you and your tastes/preferences what things to keep and what not to.

Except maybe in a switch, you'll have the devil's own time finding a sub who will 'show you the ropes" and all that. Most of the time they want you, as the dom (or top), to lead the situation. I'm not a "true" sub per se in that my submission is sexual only and once done I return to my everyday life in which one would be hard pressed to detect what I like to do and have done to me in the bedroom.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Mar 9, 2019

Welcome!!!
http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/p/boston-kink-resources.html?m=1

DrWakko • Mar 10, 2019

You are looking for online. I suggest the actors studio or any other acting classes. And since it’s online maybe a typing class to improve your keystrokes.

Re: Looking for help

just james​(dom male) • Mar 10, 2019

Dom is a Dominate, a leader, self assured. Confident. Black and white yes or no man with no in between. Not shy. From your words sounds like your a guy with the personality of a submissive. Sub teach a man to be a Dom? no.
It reflects in our charecter, our friends, job, how we talk, act, behave. Financial stability. Being secure in oneself completely and you are not. Takes a true Dom to teach another, as far as the lifestyle. If are just about a title and roleplay? knock yourself out. Have fun.

LordofPain56 • Mar 10, 2019

If you are a Dom, then BE the Dom you are. Why try to become something else based upon another persons individual taste. You will only attract those who have the same needs/desires as she. Right? To thine own self be true!

Re: Looking for help

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Mar 10, 2019

Not shy? My personality with people I dont know has nothing to do with my ability to Dominate my husband.

Dom/mes can be shy. Shy=/=submissive or vanilla.

Just want to clear that up because thinking you cant be Dominant because you're shy can be hurtful. It may make the initial conversations a little harder, but that just means you'll weed out more people who arent right for you. The right ones will be patient as you learn to trust them, and they you.

That said... Everyone else kinda gave you the advice you need already. Asking a sub to teach is sometimes a bad thing... it could happen, but most wont enjoy that. My love is helping me learn, but not teaching me - I come to him if I have any questions that need a more personal clearing up but I do my own work before anything else, and mostly I learn on my own. He is definitely not a teacher.

Perhaps try reading, "Leading and Supportive Love" by Chris M. Lyon first. It explains the sides well and will help you understand Dominant and submissive. It's how both my love, and then I, came to realize who we were.

If you do end up identifying as Dominant, try reading, "The Loving Dominant" or "The Heart of Dominance" (cant remember authors... sorry). I havent finished the latter but the former helped clear up a few things and reinstill some I already knew. The patter was highly suggested to me, so I'm going to assume it's a good read.

Do a ton of research. Ask other Dom/mes (My inbox is always open if you have questions). Perhaps ask a sub if you need their view on something, but dont rely on them to teach you. Its better imo to learn from someone who is on your side of things.

evergrey​(sub female){Ashigeru} • Mar 11, 2019

In other words, it's really hard for a submissive to FEEL submissive towards someone she is having to train.

You're wanting to take on the role and get the partner you want without doing the work. Maybe you don't realize this, but it just doesn't work that way. You have to put in the time and effort to learn. It isn't going to work, otherwise.