More than One

Devil's damsel​(sub female){HandsomeDe} • Dec 9, 2018

I personally have a number of Doms that I talk to on a regular basis. They all bring something unique to the table. They have uncovered facets about myself that are handled in different ways. Each one of them has helped me to explore these different parts of myself.

That being said, while I will do tasks for some of them, none of them own me. I do not belong specifically, nor have I completely given my submission to any of them. If and when I do this, depending on what that ONE says, communications with the others will be pulled back to a respectful distance.

As of right now dd is a free sub, and I can speak with whomever I wish. However, once my submission is given, well, in my eyes that ties and binds me to that ONE. I don’t know how I would be able to balance having two or more actual Doms. What if one says “orgasm denial, orgasm denial, orgasm denial”, and the other says “orgasm daily, orgasm daily, orgasm daily”? Who do you choose to obey? And that’s just a drop in the bucket considering the amount of conflict that could arise there. That’s too much work for me lol.

The most important thing is honesty. A sub shouldn’t have “secret” Doms, or side Doms...the same way the Dom shouldn’t have secret, or side subs. All parties need to talk it out and be in agreement. Poly is not for everyone, trust me. For some it works just fine, for others it just plain hurts.

Re: More than One

Daddy Zo​(dom male){Goodgirly} • Dec 21, 2018

[quote="Fate"]I’ve been hesitant to ask this question because I feel like I’m going to get harsh responses from those who misunderstand my intent behind the query. So, please, don’t hear what I am not saying. I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. No hidden agenda.

I’m not at all being rebellious here or in any way trying to evoke a scorned sub uprising. Lol. I’m just very new and thus unaware of some of the rationales behind certain rules (albeit unspoken ) surrounding the lifestyle.

And actually, rules is not the right word, but I’m concussed right now and cannot think of the proper one. Bents, maybe?

Anyway, my question is this:


~*~*~*~Why is it okay for Doms to have more than one sub, but not okay for subs to have more than one Dom?~*~*~*~


This is an honest question.

Am I misunderstanding that the above seems to be true/the case?

I’m genuinely curious. I’m not being obstinate at all against the way things work. I just really want and, because double-standards are a huge 50caliber negative trigger for me, I really need to know legitimate answers to this question. No vitriol please.

Thoughts?

Yes for one the role Dom can be played by Male or female. So gender is completely out . I also think that for a Sub to give her/him self to more than one would create an issue between Doms should they both require the same block of time . Serving one Dom should be more than enough but Doms liked to be served by more than one sub . Just as there can only be one King . And when there are more than one, WAR breaks out. So I think it is along the same lines . And keep in mind. In our beautiful BDSM world all things are negotiable and agreed on before we start or should be . As long as we are all on the same page we can all find the right Dom or sub and enjoy our wanted roles .

DBH • Dec 21, 2018

I think like any relationship it’s communicating and intention. I’ve had partners where I was not the only Dom. As long as we were reasonably aligned it wasn’t an issue and where the rare issue came up we as the Doms talked it over and made decisions. Also you there’s nothing saying you can’t sub for one and only bottom for others. As long as all agreeand are fed by the relationship structure they choose you can make it what ever you want. There is no “ one true way” and be very wary of anyone who insists there is. My .02.

SirHanz​(dom male){Minx} • Dec 22, 2018

One aspect I have not seen in this thread yet is that being dominant often brings out feelings of possessiveness. If a sub submits to another dom it diminishes the control of the first. I can't think of any dom that wants that.

Tnjoker​(dom male){My Harley} • Dec 22, 2018

Well I am just going to throw this out there because that is what I do. But how does online/rl play in to this? Or does it even matter? I'm just asking. As far as the responses that have been given, there has been a lot of different insights given and all very informative.

Her me Her

Elcid1323​(neither male) • Dec 26, 2018

This is something I have been wanting to get into :meaning two dominant women, as I am a submissive guy and I am very new to the scene. I've known about it but have not thrown myself into the mix, but I'm at that point where I am seeking and learning. this is one experience I want to do. In my case I prefer a closed Triad relationship where both women run the show.

More than one person

Dartman25​(switch male){?} • Dec 27, 2018

notavanilla • Jan 29, 2020

More than one here is being expressed by 1 plus 1 more, well that equals 2. However in mathematics more than one could mean infinity. You could go to an orgy and stay which would be more than one plus one.
Now if we are only talking about 2 people and the addition of another person within the relationship core 2 then that is one thing. If we are talking about a second relationship that maintains the first relationship then that is something else completely, unless the first dom knows about the addition of a second dom and his personal 1 + 1 relationship with his current sub.. If not it is 2, 1 + 1 relationships. This last option will/will not reveal the creation of a 2, 1 + 1 by the sub. The sub would have to decide to take a second relationship in addition to the first.
Under most circumstances the first dom would at some point figure out the 2, 1 + 1. In fact it should not take too long for them both to figure out that there is someone else involved with this sub. unless one of more of them is absent at least part of the time.

Now if a sub wants to have a full time relationship but has a part time sub.. Then what?
Does the dom have any kind of right to condemn the sub if that sub wants full time but the dom only goes 50% or less?

a few thoughts

notavanilla

yesyes​(sub female) • Jan 29, 2020

There are no rules like that, spoken or unspoken. You do your dynamic however you want to, as long as it makes you happy.

There are different kinds of doms, too, and some that like to top but aren't necessarily doms full-time. Same for subs, different types/roles. And some who like to bottom but may not identify as sub.

Dunimos​(dom male) • Jan 31, 2020

It comes down to natural order... or chain of command dynamics I think.
A leader can and often does lead many, a follower can or perhaps better said must follow one.
Attempting to follow more than one leader would cause tremendous stress and tension on the submissive and would not be healthy in many cases... again, my thought only and by no means the end all be all.

Thanks