Why I ghost

Why I ghost

MasterBear​(other butch) • Feb 26, 2020

This morning I blocked a person on Instagram.

I realized that they will consider this ghosting.
When from my side I considered it being done with someone who showed no respect for my boundries.

I also blocked someone whose language in their posts I found highly offensive.

I will block people on fetlife who have certain friends- because that shows a trend for me. I look at it like this -- if you are a friend to Hitler, chances are we wont mesh.


I don't try to explain myself because- quite frankly it's a waste of my energy, effort, and time.


I know there are conversations here that are about being ghosted.

My question is why would you ghost?

Sammilynn​(sub female){Robin Silv} • Feb 26, 2020

Someone not respecting me. I dont like when the first message people send me are possessive and calling me slut ect. Or they completely ignore/skip reading my profile.

xwillowx{Not lookin} • Feb 26, 2020

Is it ghosting if its the first message that exists between you two, from the other party, and you never respond? Would that be ghosting in your eyes? In my eyes, its not, and there have been many I haven't responded to because of one reason or another.

I can't be all high and mighty and say I've never ghosted (while in an ongoing convo) but it's super rare that I do. I would do so also if I felt disrespected at the level the conversation was at. Or if dude just went wayyyyyyyyyyy into left field. (as in condoning illegal behavior etc)

NCarraway​(dom male) • Feb 26, 2020

For early conversations ... which is where mostly this topic comes up...

In my eyes it is perfectly legitimate to stop talking to someone who has crossed the line or is harassing you. Similarly, no-one is required to explain why they don't want to continue the conversation. Its sometimes a nice thing to do if it brings conversations to a close but no-one is ever 'owed' an explanation. Some, women especially, are sensitive to implied needy behaviour that can sometimes come across as threatening. I think in situations where they feel uncomfortable dealing with the situation head on they should certainly just decide to not respond/block.

This idea that because someone starts a conversation with you that you are obliged to continue it or explain why you don't want to is just plain fucking crazy.

For the situation where you have an ongoing relationship with someone ...

This obviously a tougher situation for all those involved. Its less common but it does happen. It is a lesson for us all to remember that if we only have a single route to someone (say the cage) then the link is tenuous and could be broken accidentally or purposefully at any time. If you have an ongoing relationship with someone I would expect contact on multiple platforms including telephone and possibly real-life. If you are talking to someone for a length of time and they don't want you in other parts of their life (for example on the telephone, whatsapp etc) then that is a big red flag that they could be hiding things.

Carraway

Tanaquil • Feb 26, 2020

Carroway, you nailed it - there is a BIG difference between someone dropping a casual conversation and a friend cutting off contact.

I've stopped responding to people because they offended me, bored me, overwhelmed me, because I couldn't find the energy to reply in a timely manner. I've even ghosted after a couple first dates, which I will admit was sheer cowardice. But any time I've ended an actual relationship with someone, romantic or platonic, they knew why.

Boo!

Max Heathen​(other male) • Feb 26, 2020

I ghost after I tell them I don't think we mesh or not intersted and they proceed to expect me to explain myself. To me, I don't owe anybody an explination after saying we dont' mesh or I'm not interested. I've held conversations for weeks just to find that what they started out with isn't who they really are. Just because others don't own thier own shit doesn't mean I have to justify so there it is in a nutshell. Ghosting happens to me, I really don't pay it much mind but thats me. Such things don't bother my ego any.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Feb 27, 2020

I tend to always answer everything I receive as long as its polite or genuine but if I feel like I'm banging my head on a wall and not being heard. I'll stop replying eventually and ghost (if the content is wash , rinse, repeat in nature) but I tend to not block. If they are on my friends list, I will remove them....I really don't care if they see what I'm up too enough to block. I like to think some people are capable of change or maybe grow in belief or practice. Granted some will remain asshats no matter what they do!

I have noticed a lot of sites with friends list, some will add you and then never contact you. I have a bad habit of not pruning my friends lists when that happens. Master Bear has just made me think after writing "I will block people on fetlife who have certain friends- because that shows a trend for me. I look at it like this -- if you are a friend to Hitler, chances are we wont mesh"

thats not a good habit...as people like MasterBear that admire, I might end up loosing because some idiot I never bothered to follow up on might have a totally different ethos to myself and my actual REAL interacting friendship base.

LitAngel​(sub female) • Feb 27, 2020

If your second message to me consist of a list of things/rules/protocols and stuff like that explaining to me like if we are already in a relationship im not answering back im sorry...is that ghosting?

Devotedsub​(sub female){His} • Feb 27, 2020

In some situations... People just ask to be ghosted, lol. If you are rude and disrespectful.... Why should an individual continue a conversation with you? Now, as people have mentioned above... If you have been talking for some time even in the least bit regularly and you just drop off (unless there is some emergency situation), ghosting is quite rude and can be hurtful.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Feb 27, 2020

@litAngel


You may not think it is.

But they might.