Brats

Brats

NaughtyEm​(sub female){Under cons} • May 26, 2020

Are Doms intimidated by a sub being a brat at times?

Is this why I’m struggling to find the right Dom and/or trainer?

Should I change myself if this is the case?

MatureDom • May 26, 2020

Nobody should change who they are, unless it's for the better. Being a former Dom to a brat can be difficult as they are constantly challenging you, pushing your buttons. It's not intimidation but more of the personalities blending and being a fit for each other. Not every Dom should be with a sub who is a brat, we have to decide what we want how to work with them.

I am learning that it's about educating yourself as Dom, to understand your role and who your sub is, learn how to handle all situation, most important, learn what type of Dom I am and what type of sub I would have the best relationship with that will work for all.

Educate, Educate, Educate... Just my two cents, hope it helps.

NaughtyEm​(sub female){Under cons} • May 26, 2020

Thanks MatureDom

I wouldn’t say I’m a brat at all times but there are some times when I feel like I just don’t want to. It’s more that I like the punishment than anything

InexperiencedBrat​(sub female) • May 26, 2020

I struggle with the same thing. Even outside of the bedroom, I have a very teasing and bratty personality. Pushing buttons is fun for me, but many doms want someone completely submissive, not someone that challenges them and has to be dominated into it. I don't think you should change yourself, I know I wouldn't have the same fun if I lost my brattiness. You shouldn't stop doing what turns you on to turn someone else on, but rather find someone that is turned on by the same things that you are.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 26, 2020

Welcome!

In the short time i have been here, i have discovered a core group of wonderful and thoughtful people. i don't have a great deal of experience or BDSM cultural knowledge, but i've been a student of relationship most of my life. i don't want to present myself as an authority, but share observation?

Labels like "Dom, sub, brat, etc.," have meaning of course, but they trigger different emotional response and have different cognitive meaning to everyone. The people i want to hang with are the ones who are in a constant state of learning vs having all the answers. That's a tricky statement, it doesn't mean that some people don't something another doesn't, it's just an eyes and ears always open attitude because life is fluid and ever changing, even thought some points may be more static, they are still affected by the flow around them. my belief is trying to be too static in a fluid place ("life is fluid") means that we can miss things we might otherwise see if we are moving with the flow.

All that to say, i think there are different Doms, subs and brats. Some identifying as Dom might take the tact of mindlessly beating the brat out of you, using force and calling it training. Another identifying as a Dom might believe a "brat" is someone who is afraid and untrusting. That the constant challenge from the brat is to test the Doms love and commitment because they are afraid and do not trust it is real. i think that is not so much "intimidating," but can be exhausting to have your love and commitment continually questioned, a 'lessor' person may start to doubt their self. The challenge (as i see it) to the Dom is to garner the brats trust, extinguishing the fear. The brats challenge is to extend trust and allow the fear to be extinguished?

LostGirl Aria​(sub female){♡G.W.N.♡} • May 26, 2020

Absolutely should NOT change who you are or that of your preferences just to please someone else. Inside or outside of any type of dynamic (my opinion) I'm a brat myself, but I know when to let my brattiness out... If that makes sense.

But, there are plenty of Dom's who like the challenge a brat brings. Again though, you have to know when to "antagonize" him to get the reaction you're looking for. If he's had a long, stressful day.. He might not be up for little games. Instead, he may want his submissive to just be there for him.

Basically, what I'm saying is... Don't change who you are or what you like just in effort to please another. Promise you, neither of you would be truly happy (as long as he's not a jerk & actually cares about you & your needs as well as wants)
I wish you the best on your journey!

🌺LostGirl🌺

MatureDom • May 26, 2020

I could not agree more with you. It's about compatibility, having the right connection is first and foremost. If you have that, then educating yourself and even explsoring with others is crucial in realizing who and what you are and what you seek.

xxxalexxx​(sub female) • May 26, 2020

i 100% a brat and i can say that, from experience, there are just some that cant handle brats and that's okay. its good to remember that there are also Doms who can very much handle brats, you may seem them sometimes labeled as brat-tamers. being a brat is perfectly fine and completely valid and you shouldn't change that about you. I've come to find that as a brat (and a little) i desire to be put in my place so i push buttons till they have to dominate and in some way the submission is earned a bit more.
keep hope girly <

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • May 26, 2020

I can't speak for anyone else, but I've never been intimidated by brattiness. It's a give and take. It's playful. Honestly, Ii think a non-bratty sub is kinda boring.

I think a lot of Doms that are turned off by it are expecting more of a servant than a partner. They want it to be like a vanilla relationship, but easy because "Oh, she's supposed to do everything I say? Awesome!" Again, can't speak for anyone else, but that's the tendency I've observed, especially in Doms new to the lifestyle.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • May 26, 2020

Azz is spot on there about new/inexperienced doms.

I'm not intimidated by a brat, (hell, take a Those look at the collar tag). I like the fact that she "pushes back" a bit. Ya, there are times when I've just had enough stress, and don't want to put up with any crap from anyone, let alone my girl. And, that's the best part. She can "read" that in me and lets her submissive side out more. She can also tell when I can handle her brat, and she lets *THAT* out more. In either case, it's not about being intimidated. It's about managing stress for us.

SirsBabyDoll has an excellent series in her blog entitled "The Art of the Brat", (or something like that). The articles are *definitely* a good read, no matter what side of the D/s slash you are on.

I also invite you to read my early blog articles "Responsibility", "Commitment", and "The Journey". "Some Definitions" may also be helpful. These blogs may helpful for any kind of D/s arrangement, brat or no.

--Rich

PS: Never change yourself for the sake of someone you don't even know, you'll only end up resenting that, or worse, *thinking* that you've changed, but basically lying to yourself. This is NEVER a good idea. Change yourself because it's in YOUR best interests -- because YOU want do it for YOURSELF.

Heck never change yourself for someone else's sake either. Even the most submissive of subs doesn't do that. The sub doesn't change because the dom or even master tells her to. She does it because she recognizes that its ultimately in her own best interests. To quote Morpheus: "[the dom] can only show you the door. You have to walk through it [or not]."