Is it hard for some to connect this way(online)?

Is it hard for some to connect this way(online)?

BabyTgirl​(sub female){Not lookin} • Jun 26, 2020

Hi! I was wondering if anyone gets nervous about online connections? I know the simplest way to my problem would be just go to clubs and meet ups, sad thing is there are never any in my state or area that I know of.

I think my struggle is a combination of a few things: the first being anxiety. It can be nerve wracking talking to people over the internet. Sure for some being behind a screen is comforting, but for some of us it leaves us nervous of being taken advantage of.

Another is my need to observe. I'm sure those who are in relationships online know how hard it can be to determine someone attitude and emotions over text. And alot of people dont have any pictures of themselves on their profiles (mine included, just until I get more comfortable) so being able to determine whether someone is genuine or not is difficult. That can be scary.

But it's not all bad. I've enjoyed chatting with people and making friends! As well as finding people willing to answer all my questions. I think websites like these are an amazing opportunity for first timers. But they also give predators something to hide behind.

Anyone else feel this way sometime?

Melrick​(dom male) • Jun 26, 2020

I can definitely sympathise. For me, the anonymity online doesn't help at all; it hinders, considerably. I'm lousy at meeting people in real life as well. I don't drink or like parties, so pubs and clubs are out for me. I think for me a significant part of the online anxiety is a fear of coming across poorly, of giving the wrong impression of myself, of appearing to be a boring individual. So I come to the conclusion in advance that it wouldn't be worth my while to try.

I certainly don't have a solution to the issue, but I can definitely sympathise.

FloraDragon​(dom male){Roaming Wi} • Jun 26, 2020

I joined this sight with no expectations, I started speaking like you with a number of submissives who liked my profile - I never made the first approach to anyone, knowing the proliferation of instaDoms/predators. I can understand now the limitations of online relationships. I have been lucky I have met a wonderful person not more than 5 hours from where I live and we now hare planned our first meet, however we have both realised the issues of long distance D/s dynamics are so difficult to maintain online.

Our story is very simple we chatted for a while on here sending 1 or 2 messages exploring each other learning about each other, we did set each other tasks to explore what we both wanted and our opinions of aspects of a D/s relationships, both of us had specific online names that had meanings to us. We agreed that when we found the meaning then we would exchange real names. After a while he messages became more often so we moved to Whats app and only then when we felt comfortable we exchanged a picture of each other. All thought this we have played through whats app and explored the dynamic but really it is not 'real' and really needs real life. We found this very slow build up allowed us to lay a lot of foundation building blocks building up levels of trust, care support and knowledge in our relationship. We both never thought that the worlds events would affect us this way in a positive way.

You are right communication over messages/text have limitations, you miss the social nuances, the non verbal communications and there does come a point where you need to meet in public and safe neutral territory.

I thought I would share my submissives and my journey so far, we have chosen a date when we shall meet and then only them we shall disclose to others who we are in a relationship with - we want to own in and keep it in our control, (it's also fun to listen to the chat).

All I can say is patience - be true to yourself and talk to experienced Dom/Dommes/submissives about the lifestyle. Don't rush in I have seen people hurt.

Bunnie • Jun 26, 2020

That’s exactly how I felt when I first arrived here too. Having not spent any time on the internet at all, this was my first experience beyond FB. It’s definitely daunting to try to navigate it in a way that feels safe.

My advice is to learn to listen to and trust your gut. If it feels wrong for you, then it is... regardless of what anyone says. Go at the pace that is comfortable for you, because it’s about your journey! Good luck

PawPawGirl​(sub female){Azzabackam} • Jun 26, 2020

the biggest issue I had was meeting people (Doms) who were honest and authentic. I met a lot who knew all the right words but when push came to shove just weren't who they presented themselves to be, but isn't that like that everywhere?

The best thing I ever did was start reading and writing blogs, reading posts from the forum. I was able to better identify the real deal from the posers. Maybe posers is too strong, maybe players is a better word for them. Maybe it is just because so many are coming into this lifestyle without knowing what it really is all about.

When it comes to online... when we find that person that is authentic, I think the connection can be even stronger if we focus on who we are, where we are, and what we want/need before jumping into the physical calisthenics.

Mr E​(dom male) • Jun 26, 2020

Its difficult for sure to meet and get to know people without the luxury of being able to observe them. But all the traits that you can see in person, they exist or have something approximating them online. Go through the persons posts/blogs/comments. Over time, true character will come out. If the person doesn't have a lot and isn't very new then perhaps their lack of engagement is something that can inform you too.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jun 26, 2020

Online is a mixed bag for me. The internet shrinks the world. There are people online we would never meet face to face if that's all there was. Sometimes it makes me think of a time when some people would meet through ad's and letter correspondence, a much slower but similar process of communicating through writing.
As others have noted, part of communication is non verbal. Tone and visual cues are missing online.
Then there's the proliferation of users and abusers, where one who is aware ends up feeling on guard, sometimes so much so as to be hard to access.
For me, a lot of the issues with online can be dealt with through patience and time. The forums are my biggest resource for identifying real and substantial people. Scammers, for the most part, won't take the time or risk of exposure in a forum setting. Abusers and users seem to become more apparent in a community/forum setting.
The other part of this is online communication depends on one being able to write (and read). Not everyone is skilled or practiced at written communication. Scroll through the profiles and you'll find many empty or mostly blank.
Overall, i think it's harder to truly connect online, it takes serious effort and, at least some skill, with both parties.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Jun 26, 2020

I can be difficult -- it can also be effortless. I joined this site without ANY expectations of finding a relationship. I wasn't looking at all.

"Fate, it seems is not without a sense of humor" -- Morpheus The Matrix

I posted a few essays in the fora, and soon many subs were asking questions, (some as replies to the fora, some via PM), about what I meant on a variety of topics. One in particular asked very good questions and we started conversing. Turned out she also joined this site without any expectations of forming a relationship. But for whatever reasons, we "clicked". So there it is, neither of us was looking for something, but we both found it. ~shrug~

Above all, patience is necessary for this this to work on any level, certainly at the online level.

My advice? Keep it light start slow, don't let sex be a part of it until much later, in order to avoid the HNGs, "insta-doms" and other fakers. Protect yourself, and you'll be fine.

AllOfMe​(sub female) • Jun 27, 2020

I'm also fairly new to this and a bit shy I'm not sure how to approach or even reply afraid of not seeing the red flags or the fakes with that being said it's going to be a long my road till I fine the right one 🙂but I'm hopeful and untill then it's nice to chat and meet the other fellow like minded people on here 😁😁

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • Jun 28, 2020

I joined this site purely to learn about whether this was truly who I was with only the expectation of learning.

I won’t lie I have had my fair share of frustrations interacting with Doms online and it will take some time for you to learn to trust your gut. You will learn to see through the pretty words and promises that you’ll get promised.

I think the best way to approach is with caution and no expectations; if it turns into something then fantastic, if not you’ve kept your wall up to protect yourself.

@Allofme sometimes just liking the profile of someone who likes yours is enough of an opening for a conversation to start or even just finding something in their profile that catches your eye is enough to send a message and say hi I came across your profile and found xyz interesting.

But Do. Not. Rush! This is a long distance race not a sprint, make friends that you can rely on for help and support.