Is there so much information that it can obfuscate spontaneity

Is there so much information that it can obfuscate spontanei

Badgirlblues​(dom male) • Jul 7, 2020

OK. Sorry for using the word obfuscate. It just came to mind. But my question concerns the huge amount of information that exists in BDSM circles. It seems there might be so much analysis and debate that conversations can hinder intuition, desire, feelings, and sensuality. I've been thinking that this could dampen one's exploration of inner feelings and replace experience with discussion. Of course communication is important, but maybe a poem, a description of nature, an expression of bliss or even conflict (along with responses to these creative 'flashes,' ) would be a welcome change from so much explanation. What do you think?

littleliv​(sub female){Talented O} • Jul 7, 2020

"You drown not by falling into a river, but by staying submerged in it." --- Ovi from Extraction

In the middle of all this, I watched an action movie with me dom and this beautiful quote popped up. It was a welcome addition.

SkewerMe​(switch male){Hard CBT} • Jul 7, 2020

If it feels good, then do it. Else stop.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Jul 7, 2020

Discussion and learning is paramount to BDSM because the reality is....we are all STILL human so we interact as humans first and kinksters second.

BDSM is a journey of self discovery....that just happens to involve sex.

sir james ladies​(sub female){oh yes ple} • Jul 7, 2020

I will never forget the first time I felt his finger in my ass, it was not discussed ahead of time so he tried it and i found out I love it. but by general rule one should always discuss before doing because surprise can also send you out of the mood just as fast.

Zedland​(dom male) • Jul 8, 2020

There can be such thing as too much information, in so far as extraneous and superfluous data can clog the decision making process. But outside of time-sensitive decisions no, there is no such thing as too much information. Knowledge is power and all that.

Experience, opinion, feelings are entirely subjective. But by pursing them we may add to our knowledge base and refine our own opinions as well as discover new areas of interest.

DangerouslySafe​(sadist male) • Jul 8, 2020

Haven't heard that one before but I like it. Thanks for sharing...

Redtailedkitty • Jul 8, 2020

BDSM is inerently dangerous. It is both illegal and stigmatized in "normal" society. When doing something dangerous - it should NOT be spontaneous. That is how people get hurt or worse. BDSM, whether as a kink or lifestyle, requires an enormous about of knowledge BEFORE practice and continuing education as you practice. It also requires a LOT of self-reflection and analysis of why you are exploring this lifestyle and what your interests and limits are.

Can you imagine if someone just decided one day to call themselves a doctor and began performing surgery or prescribing medication?? Doctors go through nearly a decade or more of education before they can call themselves a doctor because it REQUIRES knowledge BEFORE practice. So why would you allow someone to have control over you or would you attempt to control and take full responsibility for another without learning how to first. Parents are an example of doing something without prior experience and look how well that turns out for so many kids (and their parents) when they aren't prepared to actually BE a parent.

Does it take away spontaneity? Yes. Absolutely. But if you are practicing safely (SSC) that is necessary so someone doesn't get hurt. People who participate in BDSM activities without knowledge, without vetting their partners or even just taking the time to develop trust FIRST can end up getting seriously messed up both emotionally, mentally and physically.

Once the trust, extensive communication and research happens, spontaneity can be introduced to the dynamic IF it is agreed to. It's called consent. If you have known your partner for a long time and you decide to give BDSM a try - you still need knowledge and an abundance of communication (and a lot of it), but experimenting can be accelerated because the trust should already be there if in a healthy relationship.

I had known my Daddy for 24 years before we started our journey in the lifestyle. I trusted him. I trusted him to not hurt me (in the bad way... but we still did a LOT of research however because the trust was already there, we could implement what we learned more spontaneously though slowly. Even with the trust, we still hit bumps along the way because we didn't know ENOUGH and because we didn't have the communication skills necessary. In hindsight, how we learned was more RACK than SSC in a lot of ways.

By having all that knowledge and learning to use communications skills effectively, enjoyment should be able to attained more quickly and less dangerously. IMO, it should be a requirement to practice BDSM.

This does not mean there is no enjoyment had along the way. And I think those experiences are shared quite frequently as people share their personal journeys. Which many here do.

But because there is so much misinformation out there and so many that DO jump in before learning, there are considerably more educational type blogs than experiential because those of us that really care about this community want people to be safe and impart the knowledge we have learned.

Though, I feel the really great blogs include both. Personally, if I write a blog - it literally is being written based on my own experiences and the knowledge is imparted along with the relating of the experience.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jul 8, 2020

Great discussion, thanks for starting it Badgirlblues (and i like that you used the word obsfucate to elucidate).

There's some discussion of spontaneity on another recent thread here: https://thecage.co/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=2857
Interestingly, the OP is looking for resources for her mate to learn about being dom because she does not "want to tell him exactly what to do and how to do it, I love spontaneity, and I feel like trying to “create a Dom” takes that away."

i seem to always look for balance vs a black or white approach (not inferring you imply that). i'm huge on communication, my profiles often become books if i am not cognizant of what i am doing. Analytical seems almost part of my natural make up. On the other hand, some of the most profound D/s experiences i have had involved spontaneity.

i can see a sort of middle ground to this. i think the better one knows another, the more equipped one becomes for spontaneity. Which is tricky, because there are times we meet someone and seem to have an almost instant affinity, on which one might base a spontaneous act?

i think presumption can be juxaposed to spontaneity. i think what can distinguish them is presumption is inconsiderate of the other, whereas i'd submit that proper? spontaneity is very considerate, which takes me back to the idea that there is more opportunity for spontaneity with someone we know.

Either way, i think there's often (always?) at least some risk in spontaneity, particularly with the one being spontaneous.

LordofPain56 • Jul 9, 2020

Not sure this will help, but using myself as an example; there was a time long ago, knowing that I was a sadistic Dominant and learning that there were other types of Dominants, I began to seek out and read about other types. I also happened across different websites (CDD, HOH, TIH) that taught me I am actually a combination of Dom types.
Having the information did not change me. It only helped to explain who and what I was that I did not know before.
Don't be scared of overloading your brain. If you learned something new every minute, you still wouldn't fill your brain up for a few million years.