Ever worried you’ll end up alone?

IowaDom​(dom male) • Nov 1, 2020

While recently giving serious thought to a message I wanted to reply to recently, as I carefully worded my message, my thought train took me to this particular statement, so it is interesting that this thread comes up now, a couple hours later. In my reply I wrote "If I were to define "loneliness" it would be living a materialistically fulfilled life with nobody to build a dream with". I have been actively searching for a LTR for a bit of time now, thought I had found it once, but it was not meant to be, and now continue the search.

Vanilla always came easily to me. In person, face to face, I was always able to find somebody if I chose to. But living where I do, BDSM is so far closeted, and with my professional life I cannot exactly go about posting pictures around websites, add to that the fact that in this electronic world I feel blind and bereft of the senses of touch, feeling, and hearing... and yes, at this point in my life I have begun to wonder now that I have decided a true BDSM Dynamic is what I seek, if my search will be in vain, and if in the end of all things, my efforts and decision will sentence me to a life alone.

Could I return to Vanilla and end all this searching? Perhaps, but there would then be a ravenous hidden need, an unquenchable desire, a true sense of loss knowing I gave up finding what I still believe is the most powerful and truthful relationship two people can share. And, now that I have tasted the fruit from the forbidden tree, I truly believe that my commitment to a vanilla world would not, could not, be a true and complete commitment, and I would not be able to live with that lie I would have to sell.

RedKat{Not now } • Nov 1, 2020

Yes, definitely. I have met a lot of “shallow “ men and it’s frustrating. I keep saying that I will probably end up with cats and hang up the flogger. Don’t have a clue what will happen, just trying to be patient.

Lil Foxy Baby​(sub female) • Nov 1, 2020

Yes, but I've pretty much accepted the fact. I think I'm probably meant to be alone. I've only had 1 relationship in the lifestyle. The last few years I've only dated vanilla. As I haven't been able to find a Dom. So I've stuck with PoF or ok cupid. But I haven't had luck because of my needs. So I'll probably always be single. But I'm not worried about it.

LittleLavenderGirl​(sub female) • Nov 1, 2020

i sometimes worry about this, but if that does happen, i hope i will just make the best of it. i have a very fulfilling life - successful in many ways, but definitely lacking in the "love" department, which i mostly attribute to my submissive ways. Honestly, it's often difficult for me to even make eye contact with men, which makes interacting quite challenging. Hopefully, i will find "the One" - but if not, i think i will be able to look back on my life with a sense of accomplishment.

TheDankLord​(switch male) • Nov 1, 2020

I've always had terrible luck with women in general and BDSM is obviously very taboo which makes finding a partner even harder but I still try to keep hope.

I do feel like it would be hard for me to be with someone who's not into this lifestyle at least a little. As early as I can remember my sexual fantasies involved bondage, and most of other things I am really into fall under the umbrella of BDSM as well. I don't expect a girl to be into super extreme stuff necessarily, especially right away. But if she's not at very least least willing play with handcuffs or do some light spanking/tickling it'll be hard for us to be compatible sexually, and my ideal relationship would involve intense BDSM sessions on a regular basis.

I've been focusing a lot on self improvement and career development lately. I used to not be in the best shape, but through diet and lots of exercise I've attained a physique women will probably find more attractive. Still wanna drop a few pounds but I'm close to where I want to be. Also, hate to say it, but men are "success objects" too. Right now I just have a regular job, but I plan to go to law school. Hope I can become wealthy and successful so women take more interest in me. I did date a bit in college, but it is much harder, even impossible depending on where you live and how intense the COVID lockdown, to find someone currently unless you are a 8+ out of 10 on the desirability scale, so since graduating I've focused on other things.

Oddly enough I have had luck in Europe. Dating in the Austin TX area seems to be extremely tough and lots of other people I've talked to from both genders and all walks of life say the same thing. I've not encountered many kinky people either. And gay guys hit on me left and right, too bad I'm straight cause otherwise I'd give it a try.

So in short I am worried I will end up alone, but I try to transform that fear into motivation to do better so that hopefully I will be able to attract someone. As long as I'm not a loser I'll find someone eventually, and sometimes you gotta learn to love yourself before you seek love from others. Being more desirable means more choices, which means I can be more selective, thus making it easier to find someone who suits my preferences.

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 2, 2020

From your profile pic you certainly look like you have quite a ways to go before reaching the elephant graveyard, so to speak. In my experience, "online" meets such as OKCupid and so-forth... yield less successful results than going out to places where you can meet people and interact on a personal level in a public setting, have conversation and see if there is chemistry. of course COVID screws that all up but still, you're far from being "too old" so don't give up the ship. Patience is key. The old cliche says "you'll meet the one you want when you're not looking". Corny perhaps but often true.

Of course seeking another "in the lifestyle" is a bit trickier but (absent the virus) going to "munches" you stand a better chance of meeting someone who fills the bill than you would with online dating sites.

Just sayin'

subdrtygurl • Nov 2, 2020

Oh my!
I am going through this mental tug of war as we speak. It gives me some comfort to know I’m not the only one with these worries. Having been in relationships that were of the “just settling” sort, I refuse to chain myself to that life. The thought of being alone is quite horrible and lonely, but living half a life is far worse in my eyes. I still have hope for the right person....

Feileks​(switch female) • Nov 2, 2020

It is lonely not being able to express myself in ways that I need to, to feel fulfilled. I try not to think negatively about things in general, and instead manifest what it is I want. If you go about it that way with just about anything in life, you will be successful.

NoOneofConsequence​(dom male){Taken} • Nov 2, 2020

Worried about it? Nah.

More than once I've been certain I would die alone. But, frankly, I've discovered over the decades that being alone is a whole lot preferable to being lonely with the wrong people around.

Slavehandler​(dom male) • Nov 2, 2020

Not really. I think the greatest challenge is to find someone who embraces all of you. I am fairly controlling, dominant and interested in having my own slave but you would never know this side of me if you met me outside. I would be fairly nice, talkative, interested and just sharing intellectual conversation. But very few woman truly brings that side out of me that I want to show. And if I do try they run away or say it is not what they wanted, they just wanted role play. And even though I try and find a normal relationship I am starting to accept that for me to be committed, loyal and happy with someone they would have to cater to that lifestyle. I am 34, educated and done a lot in my life already. But nothing beats what happens behind the closed door that no one else knows about. So, do not be afraid to message.