Real Life, Online or Both?

Devotedsub​(sub female){His} • Mar 10, 2021

Ohhh and if it's looked up irl - IRL
Abbreviation for "In Real Life." Often used in internet chat rooms to let people you are talking about something in the real world and not in the internet world. Must be some way to differentiate between the two situations. This abbreviation is often used through out the internet, so I don't really see where it is or should be off limits to use.

Cheers!

Bluebutterfly​(sub female){Havelock } • Mar 10, 2021

I need a physical connection, to feel his breath on my skin, the heat radiate off his body and if I am able to, to hold his hand. Plus I absolutely refuse to punish myself. Lol. So very much need to be in the same air space as my Dominant.

Dominus eius​(dom male){LittleLott} • Mar 10, 2021

I understand where you’re coming from here and suspect it’s largely just lazy (or indeed unintentional) use of language. Very few people are fully aware of their specific word choice.

If I were being a pedant (and I can easily lean that way), then I would suggest “in person” a better fit than IRL or your suggestion.

It’s also interesting to see how things appeal and appear different to each of us.

Personally, I’m enjoying the opportunity to make contact with other people online and make acquaintances (even friendships) also to learn from their thoughts and experiences. However, I’m not sure an online only relationship would satisfy me - this is an easy statement for me to make as I’m in the rare and fortunate position of having a sub who is also my wife. We’re things different, I may well have a different perception.

I also think there’s a key comment made by another poster (forgive me for not crediting you as I can’t remember your username as I write this but) - that for a certain percentage of people, the option of online only allows them the opportunity to play behind the back of an unaware partner......

Kelpi • Mar 10, 2021

Online gives you a chance to know each other and to set boundaries. I have seen many "doms" go nuts when a sub said no to a request. If they do that online what are they like in RL? Then there is real life and nothing beats that. The touch of a her skin how she smells and just the aura she gives off when your around her can not be seen or felt online. Online is great to start out or for those who can't get out or are to far away to be together. I want to know someone before we start anything and online is a good way to do it. Even though being able to go out have dinner walks and be with each other is so nice. To each their own and happiness be with you.

Virginie​(sub female){lcpw} • Mar 10, 2021

I think online relationships are a good testing ground. We can, if we wish explore things on any level- emotional, spiritual, yes physical... stretching ourselves, psyches, hearts in the process, but I think the rubber band will always snap. Idk maybe try, fail, try again fail better. It’s not as if all of these things don’t apply in person but there is that tactile lack online- there just is. In my experience it’s overcome seldomly by people trying very hard.
Then again
Imo, “to hope to be made happy by love is a certain cause of grief.” Our expectations of any sort of relationship are often so unrealistic.

LeashCalledLove​(sub male){__________} • Mar 10, 2021

I would argue only two potential advantages online play might have over in person play - exhibitionism and education. I've had the pleasure(?) of briefly submitting to two online dommes, which confirmed my desire to submit, however it also confirmed that it was much too easy to back out of a commitment, especially with the lack of physical/visual/verbal presence to tether me. I still feel guilty about cutting and running from those Dominants and I want to avoid causing more disappointment in my next arrangement, if I am so lucky to find myself in one.

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Mar 10, 2021

I engage in both in person and online, primarily because I travel often for work. I have my partners at home with whom I spend both alone time and group time, then I have had partners in the cities I travel to, but this is generally not the case as I go all over the place. While I prefer the in person connection, online has its merits and helps time apart to be less daunting.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Mar 10, 2021

A lot from column A, a little from column B and good smattering of both.

My personal dynamic is live in, physical world with my primary of 23 years (poly, live out with 2 others for 8 years, recent ending).
My secondary (in terminology ONLY) is online of about 15ish years, separated by distance, never met in the physical world and unlikely too due to HIS circumstances. I'm ok with that.
I also occasionally pick up the odd stray online cam and will spend the night with 100% transparency of outcome that you are in essence a one night stand. Thought of like a library book. Borrowed, enjoyed and put back on the shelf for others to also enjoy.
The occasional interest might drive that further. I am also still a "poly" heart, so my openness to "maybe more" is always curious.

I'm pre internet and its always how I operated. Although I wonder if I was post internet, would it be different?. I require and need touch for long term satisfaction. I find online can work for me as there are many, many ways to feel connected and feel that satisfaction but it only so long before my desire for the heat of flesh drives me batty. I need that end date! I need that date where I can grab a fist full of your hair and well, you know the rest.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Mar 11, 2021

Because one group created and used a term does not mean that another can’t create and apply a new one. I am well aware of where IRL came from and why it was created but in the case of BDSM relationships, lived online I don’t feel that IRL is a good term for the reasons mentioned by me earlier. I was expressing my and others ( I am not alone in feeling what I do) feelings about how it makes us feel, I would have hoped that might have at least openned a dialogue about creating more appropriate terminology.

Virginie​(sub female){lcpw} • Mar 11, 2021

I don't disagree with dollMaker, but when an expression becomes such an ingrained part of a lexicon it is rather hard to shake it off. Even as I believe that 'IRL' undercuts the perceived value of online relationships- I still catch myself using the expression. It could me simplified I suppose. Online, offline? It does seem like understanding the intention and POV of the user of the IRL expression would be just as easy as trying to get a kabillion people to change the term forever