About one's virtues and traits.

About one's virtues and traits.

Rivermxl • Apr 9, 2021

I sometimes find myself in the small conflict zone that's behind showing I'm confident on my own skills and growth and not wanting to come off as boastful or presumptuous. I have no memory on being called out on the latter but I still want to hear your thoughts. I've thought of this in depth and have some definitive determinations such as: There's absolutely no need for a dominant to number, list, or refer to the number of submissives one has had dynamics with, I believe the adjective "experienced" can cover that ground and I still choose not to use it or mention that at all unless I'm explicitly asked about it by someone. I also consider it relevant to mention one's talents when the conversation is somewhere nearby for it to be worth mentioning.

I don't want to make this long, my inquiry is as follows: What is, to you; a defining way to tell from a simple cocky dominant to someone who simply has no issue presenting their traits and virtues? Replies can work towards cocky people in general but I'm a little biased towards information directed at how dominants are seen in this matter.

Thank you all for your time.

- River

L a r s​(dom male) • Apr 9, 2021

The best advice I can give, is to be honest. With how you present, but most importantly, to yourself.
A cocky person seeks to draw attention to themselves. A confident person doesn't care one way or the other.
It seems like you're confident, but...maybe not confident that you're confident, ha.
Obviously things don't come across through text the same way, so there simply always will be room for misinterpreting. An unfortunate reality. However, most folks can pick up on honesty, rather than showiness. Be honest, and let your confidence shine through that honesty.

House Talion​(dom male) • Apr 9, 2021

Boasting has its place, it just depends on how you do it and how often.

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Apr 9, 2021

Try to remain down to earth. It can be difficult when you are interacting online, but subtle competence can be a good look. When talking, always listen before adding your two cents. Take the input of others into consideration and try to find the validity in all views, even if they are not necessarily correct.
We all started somewhere and got where we are partially due to the patience of those who came before us.
Present this way in public especially and others will see that you know what you are talking about, but are not overly boastful or self involved.
When dealing with a potential s type partner, be diligent in how you take the lead, quietly and concisely.
Of course, this is the model of the modern, classy D type and applies to the general idea. There are obviously areas where this is less preferred, but those should be fairly apparent.

Miki​(masochist female) • Apr 10, 2021

How would I discern "cocky" from just "confident"? That appears to be the main question.

There is a fine line between them at times, but the cocky ones tend to use more superlatives in what they say, to accentuate their accomplishments while a
confident person... anybody, be it a BDSM Dominant or someone n the art world (and we won't bother with famous chefs.. They are all full of it) would mention their success in more general or subtle terms. The right kind of "boasting" I suppose.

Like you said, the cocky dom would say "I've trained 15 subs to do what they're told the first time and there's always room for more" while a confident one might say "I'm experienced. I have learned a great deal about the D/s dynamic in my time, but there's always something new to learn."

A confident dominant would bring a prospective new sub into his inner sanctum and show them this, that, and the next thing, speak of experiences and such, while a cocky one might say "If you want to be my sub, begin now. On your knees, Slave!"

That's my take. My examples might be a touch extreme but it can be a nuance thing. And someone might seem cocky when they're just a bit rusty at projecting confidence.

Rivermxl • Apr 10, 2021

Thank you all for the advice offered, gentlemen; you have given me something to think about.

Hit it on the head Miki, thanks for your answer.

I hope you're all having a great day.

IowaDom​(dom male) • Apr 10, 2021

The brightest stars in the sky need no introductions, or references, they are found by their brilliance.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Apr 10, 2021

IowaDom​(dom male) "The brightest stars in the sky need no introductions, or references, they are found by their brilliance."
.................
This is what I was thinking. Really intelligent people don't need big words to show you they are intelligent. If anything, they have the broadness of scope to reach you on your level and make you feel "heard".

Strong, confident, capable people exude that. They don't flaunt it. It is there like a second skin on them and you will see many respond to that energy even if they don't know what it is. People will be drawn to it and more than that, people feel good around it because that person has no need to make others feel less so or small.
........
Showing off your level is not so much showing others as it is compensating for what you lack. Or at the least, trying to distract people from what you think is obviously lacking.

Miki​(masochist female) • Apr 13, 2021

That's actually kinda deep... I like it and it pretty much sums everything up.

acquiesced​(sub male) • Apr 13, 2021

Rivermxl,

Lot's of ways to skin a cat. You could hang back, observe, be empathetic, and be available when the over-confident dominants fall to the wayside.