Am I crazy?

Am I crazy?

Dressing​(dom male) • Apr 29, 2021

First of all, let it be known that this has made me quite upset, and even though I'm trying to remain objective, it may be influenced by emotions.

So, I was approached by a sub yesterday, and we start getting to know each other and all is well. I decided that the first day would be spent getting to know each other. We both seemed to enjoy talking and I enjoyed trying to learn what kind of person and sub she was. Today, I had prepared a little lesson, both to teach and gauge how the sub was thinking. I had been busy all morning until past noon, at which point I write her to tell her to be ready in 30 minutes time for her lesson. She replies that she's currently gardening/landscaping and thus couldn't have her lesson right now. I of course let her continue what she was doing, and half-expected that I would hear from her when she was done. 3 hours later, I tried asking her if she was done with her gardening, and she replies that she's now busy at her aunt and uncles house. I wait again, and later she asks me to write out my lesson for her to review later when she got time, but I reply that "I'd rather that you were present for my lesson". She then informs me she's facetiming her nan, and says it could take an hour or so, and I say I'll write her a little prep she can read before my lesson. Two hours later, now my 11:30 pm, she writes me back and we start the lesson.

After the lesson is done, which proceeded without any issues, I tell her that she should try to make time for me, or at the very least inform me when she's busy.
I say this, because I have practically been waiting all day with her lesson, and I had to ask her if she was done with her stuff because I didn't hear from her. Especially since the time she was ready was very late and essentially around the time I go to bed, so I'm already really frustrated that I couldn't have that damn lesson.

Things then took a turn for the worse, the much worse, as she began telling me how she already did tell me of what she was doing, that she didn't like letting me know 24/7 what she was doing and telling me she said things, that she didn't say (scrolling up and a screenshot showed it). I try letting her know that I had to enquire what she was doing, instead of her letting me know she was going to be busy, and that I didn't want her to be telling me what she was doing 24/7, just that I had been waiting so it would've been nice to know.

I try very, very hard to remain objective, telling her to calm down and listen to what I'm saying. I try to be objective and tell her my perspective and even give a suggestion to what she could've done instead. She gets more and more aggressive and eventually it culminates with "You're majorly irritating me. We're just not compatible. Take care".

Now I am left upset and sad that I, somehow, weren't able to get my meaning across. And worse is that I find myself blocked by her. An extremely childish act, if I say so myself, especially since I never insulted her, got angry at her or demeaned her. I listened to what she said, and tried to explain myself as calmly as I could.

Now I don't want to salvage the relationship, as it was only two days old(!), but I am honestly curious about what others think.

Was I unreasonable? Did I demand too much? ... Am I crazy?

Rivermxl • Apr 29, 2021

I did two things before coming here to reply, in order to write a concise answer to your inquiry. I read your profile and I read the post twice.

You will probably hear that you expected or demanded too much, and maybe you did... But the main thing I see is that on your profile, you state perfectly clear that you expect a lot. The thoughts you expressed here and the information on your profile align perfectly, she didn't read your profile or she didn't understand what it meant. She is right, you two are not compatible, it is no one's fault.

L a r s​(dom male) • Apr 29, 2021

Asking for clear communication is never, ever an unreasonable demand.
If I had some dropping off a package and trying to organize a time, I would give them far more information than this sub gave you

Establishing a dynamic is serious. If folks want a dynamic plus a lot of time for their other hobbies, fine. But don't leave someone hanging, especially in a dynamic.

DrWakko • Apr 29, 2021

Reading this one key thing stands out and that is the word YESTERDAY. She is not tied to you in anyway shape or form and if she is I hope she ran fast and ran far. Its been a day. She does not owe you a damn thing. The only reason she did it was so you leave her alone. I'm willing to best she asked other s types and your actions got you labeled a predator or a creep or both.

Just because this site let you put the words "(dom male)" next to your name does not mean you get or are anything special. You want a partner than treat them right. If you are looking for a female sub treat them like a lady. You will go a lot further than trying to give "lessons" after 24 after first talking to them.

House Talion​(dom male) • Apr 30, 2021

So you were approached by her yesterday, spent the whole time chatting, and she was too busy on day 2 for what you had planned.

1. Your not crazy, but it does sound like your trying to dominate someone you met yesterday which inevitably seems like not her thing.

2. When conversing with someone new it's good to make sure everything said within the first week is by message or text so gaslighting isn't an issue.

3. With all said n done it sounds like you both have different perspectives and probably not compatible.

Take your time, don't rush in, expect ppl to have different opinions, their world doesnt revolve around you from day 1, and what's most widely unknown is never go against a sicilians when death is on the line.

FirmGentleman​(dom male) • Apr 30, 2021

Key word in this post: "Yesterday."

You met this sub YESTERDAY, and you expect for her to already be at your beck and call?

Perhaps she has had her day planned in advance for weeks?

The fact that you are "upset" is also a red flag. You're trying to rush things. A relationship has not been established in such short time. No trust has been built. These things are supposed to have a peak. You start in the valley, not the peak.
You talk. You interact. You learn to understand them. Every submissive is different. This can take weeks to months.

Submissives have their own lives, and are only letting you into a part of it, at first.

A dominant must have respect, patience, and love. You don't appear to be able to control yourself, how can you control a submissive?

LordofPain56 • Apr 30, 2021

Some subs like micro-management, some like general mandated structure without mm and others like varying degrees of freedom.
Long ago when I had a detailed profile, it used to say that I would not be a good match for someone who demanded a Dom to be accountable for her every tiny little action, and that I would not micro-manage her, but would allow her every freedom within the confines of our "covenant". And that I preferred a girl who would embrace the structured life she is learning and grow to take initiatives inside the boundaries of the relationship parameters.
I intended to weed out any total airheads who couldn't tie their own shoes.
I say don't worry about it. Maybe someone else will like your style of domination. But hey, don't listen to me. That long detailed profile never caught a bite and it was on a couple different sites for about two decades.

RedKat{Not now } • Apr 30, 2021

Way to fast, just saying the first thing that came to my mind. Take it a lot slower with the next prospective sub. A lot of things are not good when you go to fast 😉😉

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} • Apr 30, 2021

Just echoing what others have said... you are WAY out of line. Demanding anything from anyone you’ve know a day is insane.

Google “vetting in BDSM” and actually read and learn how to build a BDSM dynamic and relationship. Or just read this:

https://bdsmguideblog.wordpress.com/2017/06/28/vetting-the-lost-art/amp/

FullCanadian​(switch male){MissB} • Apr 30, 2021

From OP's profile..

"So I simply ask that you adhere to "when in Rome" and consider me Caesar."

Ummm. Spoiler alert...