Military BDSM

Military BDSM

Little Vixie​(sub female)​{Mgh30} • Sep 5, 2021

A quick Semper Fi to all my military Doms and Subs!

Before enlisting in the Marine Corps I always saw myself as a sub who was extremely willing to go along with what a dom wanted and trusting too.

Since being in and getting out due to medical reasons, I have noticed that I've grown very.... independent from being dependent on a dom and almost "hostile" or "pissed" off when I meet a new dom who wishes to impose rules and tasks to me.
A good friend of mine who is a dom but was in the Army had commented that you don't see too many submissive that are from the MC.

I love being submissive but I do think that the Marine Corps has changed me within the BDSM community.

I had a prior dom that I knew before joining who was worried that boot camp would slightly change me, but got pissed off when i got back and didn't automatically lean to why he wanted (he wanted me to not have sex with anyone, but he wanted to keep his sub even though he was no longer my dom. I realized that he was trying to control me negatively)

Do any other service members feel like this? Or just anyone at all?

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Sep 15, 2021

I wasn't in the military. However, I have known many subs over the years who were very strong individuals as am I. I think what you are experiencing is what happens when life challenges you and your strength grows. It takes more than just any guy who calls himself a dom to lead you. You need a partner that is as strong as you so that your submission is met with the same level. You need to respect his strength not just his word. It's much harder to find.

Much easier to find men who seek a soft sub who is compliant or even passive, but to me, that isn't submission. Your strength means you have plenty to offer the right partner. Not out of default or helplessness but because you choose to follow.

There are plenty of ex-military subs. They don't just advertise it on sites like this.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 15, 2021

i agree with much of what SubtleHush says.

i think a lot of people who identify as "dom" approach D/s from the top down. What i mean is, they are looking for someone who submits from day one, or more automatically. There is a difference between submitting and being subdued. And that has variety as well. Some subdue by force, some by skill and seduction-by finding and evoking the need/desire in the sub to submit. i see more than a few subs who need/want that type of Dom, the kind that does not just 'pull rank,' but who establishes rank and the position of dominance.

i do not wear my sub nature on my sleeve, and i think that is true of many sub people. That does not mean it isn't there. i see the process of dominance, and the surfacing of (my) sub nature and subsequent submission, as part of the D/s dynamic that some types of Doms both need and relish.

i think what "pisses" some subs off is the presumption of submission that some doms have? Some doms (and subs) want to start at the top, and assume dominance is a given right from the start vs something they expose and 'collar' in a sub person.

Military

IBreedBagels​(dom male) • Sep 15, 2021

I was a Marine so I'm speaking from experience.

Its completely normal, especially for a submissive person.

You might not want to hear why, but I'll say it anyway because its true. But theres a reason that the Marines have (by far) the highest suicide rates, mental disorders, and a slew of other issues in veterans even non-combat vets.

They break you down in training and build you back up. Something strong is inside you now that you will never get rid of. A fighter.

A submissive person is submissive for a reason, NOBODY is naturally submissive, dominant, or anything. Life experiences shape a person. Thats why you have such a wide range of different people because everyone has different experiences. A submissive person wants something from a dominant that they dont already have.

Most of the time, (MOST of the time, not all) that "thing" is security. Control. A dominant can take the worry and stress away with structure and guidance, building up their sub into the person they want to be.

As a Marine, even as a submissive person, that need is forcefully taken from you and a monster is put in its place.

You spend months getting brainwashed, physically working yourself to exhaustion and doing NOTHING but following the rules and guidance of your drill instructors.

Not only that, but you're surrounded by people that 100% understand what you're going through, even if you never talk to them, theres a level of unspoken connection with these people because they all did the same thing as you. Its comforting having that connection. That "connection" is another "thing" that submissive people crave from their dominant.

That's one thing the Marines break in a person, after you get out, you will NEVER have that connection with anyone, not matter how close you get. After a while everything will start to feel fake,or forced. You'll feel empty. Even when doing things you love because that connection and security you had is just not there anymore.

I know what that feels like, even as a dominant person I know exactly what that feels like. Being standoffish for no reason, dominant activities sometimes seem like more of a chore for me than fun...

Its part of the process, and its why healthcare is free for vets. Its a known issue. But you CAN learn to live with it.

Talking with other people who deal with similar things, or people who GENUINELY understand helps. Random advice from anyone (even though their good people and mean well) will make things worse.

I hope things get better for you and I'm always open to talk about stuff if you need, I was there too, and still currently deal with the exact same things you describe.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Sep 16, 2021

The one thing I forgot to add in my first post was:
Thank you to all our military for your sacrifice. I never say service. I can get that at the diner. What you gave was a sacrifice.

.....

LearningThings​

"A submissive person is submissive for a reason, NOBODY is naturally submissive, dominant, or anything. Life experiences shape a person. That's why you have such a wide range of different people because everyone has different experiences.

( This is not my personal experience. Nor does it relate to many submissives or dominants I've known over the years. You can absolutely be naturally submissive or dominant- as a starting point but you MUST build on that.-

I have been submissive in every intimate relationship I've ever had. I just didn't know what it was. In fact, I thought something was wrong with me. One small example, I love sex but always had a hard time initiating it from my partner. Never knew why. This realization came from a lot of research and therapy. I think the confusion is that we still see submissives as weak and honestly, I know many more subs who are very strong. They simply respond submissively to that strength mirrored back to them in a partner.)

"A submissive person wants something from a dominant that they don't already have."

(In one way this might be true, but I think you are off base just the same. Everyone wants something in the relationship from their partner.

As a submissive, I seek a partner who understands me. Who is inspired by my submissive nature as I am by his dominant nature. We need to be careful of the assumption that we are lacking or in need of some big brave dom to roll up on us and take care of us, train us, and provide us with what we can not provide for ourselves.

The mix of needs being met is a two-way street and far more complex than that. You make us sound like little waifs sitting on a shelf hoping someone will fix us. Nothing in this lifestyle has done more damage to people than assumptions like that. They provide opportunities for the less authentic to take advantage and leave someone with possibly small issues into someone with bigger ones. )

"Most of the time, (MOST of the time, not all) that "thing" is security. Control. A dominant can take the worry and stress away with structure and guidance, building up their sub into the person they want to be."

(Apparently, you don't know any high profile, power-house submissives who run everything and manage teams of people at work. And no they don't all go into Ds with a dominant partner because they need a break from their real lives. Some are just submissive in their intimate relationships assuming that they have the right dominant partner.

Again, your generalizing may have some merit but it barely scrapes the surface of these dynamics which are extremely complex for some of us. If they are not complex for you and yours, cool.

What those thoughts do create is a steady stream of opportunists who think they can offer to 'take care' of a sub even when their own lives are a hot mess. It has become a ticket to the bedroom for some and while many speak in terms as you have here, few seem to remember that water really does seek its own level.)

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 16, 2021

Individual experience does not equate to universal truth. None of us can equate our experience to anothers, we are all individuals. We can share the pieces and parts that may be similar or overlap. i'm a critical care nurse and find that individuals process the same experience differently. There's often similarities, but not always, so care involves responding to the individual, not the experience.

The OP did not state she is looking for "advice" but was asking if "...anyone at all" "...feels like this." my read is she is looking for "anyone" who "feels like this." my guess is she will find some important feedback from people who have been in the military, but she is more than her military experience, so it makes sense to me that she is open to hearing the experiences of "anyone...[who] feels like this." She's not asking for therapy from random strangers.

Re: Military BDSM

Redfoxmask​(dom male) • Sep 16, 2021

First of all thank you for your sacrifice, and yes as a man who grew up in a military family something in you changes a monster replaced the one within, I feel how you are and even though I am not a submissive but a Dom I have become very independent and depend on no one, I feel almost hostile to a submissive sometimes not in an abuseive way but hostile to the point of I do not want to be touched I am very standoffish and because I am not the person they want me to be. I am not all cuddly and want to be coddled. I want love but I do not force it, all I know is that it changes you inside and its something I have had to work very hard to not take out my frustration on another.