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being rude

LoneWolf​(masochist gender queer)
6 days ago • Aug 4, 2022
Everyone deserves respect be them dominant, submissive or whomever. It doesn't mean that you are putting anyone on a marble alter. Respect is just common decency for everyone to follow.

Sure, there are those that keep their sub's naked and in chains. That's their life. If it's not for you then, it's simply not for you.

Everyone has a different dynamic than the other in this life. You just have to find the one that's right for you.
redballoonz
5 days ago • Aug 5, 2022
redballoonz • Aug 5, 2022
In the talking or getting to know you phase, I definitely don't tell them identifying details- like where I work, exactly what I do, things of that nature. I make sure to at the very least make sure that they are a real person- different ways of doing that if you want to message me. That being said, its whatever you are comfortable with. I don't really know if this is in the context of asking too many identifying questions, or asking what you are looking for, why, experience, things like that. If it's the latter, I would tell them so that we don't waste each others time, and take the time to get to know each other.
Noire​(sub female){Un-owned}
4 days ago • Aug 6, 2022
Hello Beautiful!

I can relate to your post because I too have been told similar things. I haven’t necessarily been called rude but I have had dominants throw a hissy fit. When I tell them I’m uncomfortable answering certain questions.

For me when I am talking to someone for the first time. I like for conversations to just flow. You know light and polite chit chat or friendly banter. Surface level at first just to feel out that persons sense of humor or their general likes and dislikes.

I don’t like feeling as if I’m being interrogated. If a dominant approached me with a list of questions right off the bat. I’m immediately turned off. An then you’ll get the “I’m not comfortable answering all of these questions yet. I’d rather just have idle chit chat with you.”

I’m a firm believer that it’s important to set the tone in any conversation. Because people will press your boundaries to see what they can get out of you in a short amount of time. If someone tells you that your boundaries are rude.. We’ll their the rude ones in my opinion. Then if their response is “Well you should know!”

Come, come.. That is not how adults communicate. If a person won’t tell me what I did wrong or how I made them feel. They in my opinion don’t have the necessary tools to have a conductive conversation. They may even be lacking emotional intelligence within themselves. At that point a conversation isn’t worth having.

I’d say to you to self reflect. If someone is perceiving you as rude and it’s happening often. Then I’d take a look at how your delivery is. Or if certain words can be replaced with ones that may land softer on someone’s ears. I wish you luck!

Love,
Noire.
FlyingAlan
4 days ago • Aug 6, 2022
FlyingAlan • Aug 6, 2022
So i am gonna jump back in on here and maybe give some insight to what "I" think a Dominant should be thinking when talking to a new person. Notice I said "person". Until your MY sub, you just some new person that I don't know a thing about. The very first thing anybody should realize when talking to a new person is that REAL LIFE COMES FIRST. People have lives, jobs, things to do. As much as I might want them to focus on ME, to them I am just another online Dom until the conversation proves otherwise. Until a connection is made and interest is sparked, why would I expect them to drop everything for me ? If I walked up to you in a bar, would I instantly DEMAND you info ? It just blows me away how some people talk to others online especially when your hoping to make a connection of whatever flavor. Your WANTING to appeal to this person, yet you do everything to push them away because your a "Dom". WHO gave you this title ?? Until SHE determines your her Dom, you just an E-mail that can be deleted. I personally never tell a sub that she has to call me anything. I haven't earned it. Yet... LOL I wait until she feels I have earned a title, we will discuss it, and at that point I do make it mandatory. This is WAY past initial talks online. This is after a relationship has started of some kind. I want that person to WANT to call me Sir, not do it out of fear of screwing up or a punishment. How can you ever get a new sub to WANT you, if your acting like an ass ?

Trust
Trust is a huge issue for me, you can be the hottest most submissive person out there, if I cant trust you then I have no interest. The flip side is, if the trust is there, a lot of things are possible. Some subs want limits pushed, You can only do that is she trusts you completely. It might allow her to try something she never would with anybody else. She ALSO has to trust that if she is tied up and the house catches fire, you are gonna save her ass too. She TRUSTED you to protect her4 safety, are you up to the challenge ? How is trust started, when you talk like an idiot in your very first E-mail ???

Even after a connection is made, NONE of this means shit until you meet in person. If you think your perfectly fine with a person you have never met, your in for a surprise. Online isn't even close to what real life will be like. So in the long run, there is a limited amount of info you can get online. To put such of a high level of importance to just online dealings is a bit silly. Once you have spent hours and hours with people online just for them to disappear, you realize that endless online talking doesn't make a relationship progress after a certain point. Use online capabilities to find people that under normal conditions you might have never crossed paths with.

However, once you have been able to meet in person and actually feel if there are emotions, online can take on a whole new dimension and greatly add to a relationship of any kind.

My point is simply, one should only put so much into online when you have never met a person, and mostly likely WON'T ever meet that person. Not worth the mental anguish until it is an actual real relationship.

I have greatly simplified my point, I am sure many will disagree, and there are always exceptions to the rule. But if you try to keep your online stuff in perspective, then when you least expect it, Shit happens in a good way LOL

And just for the record, I have been chatting online back when there were only BBS's which predates the internet basically. First site I ever found was in Lawrence KS and was a BDSM site. Not bragging, just making the point that I have been talking to new subs online since the early 90's. It's not something I figured out right away. I made some of the same mistakes, but found that usually didn't produce many results. The fact of the matter is, the men outweigh the women. I am trying to interest someone in talking with me so they can find out a little bit about me and maybe want to be with me. Explain to me how acting like an ass helps you get that ???????????

Just my $.02 on the matter..............................
keeblerkitty​(sub female){Looking}
3 days ago • Aug 7, 2022
It's never rude to put someone in their place, my sweet. Its never wrong to say to someone I would prefer not to answer these kinds of questions at this time, but after I get to know you I will. It is never wrong or rude to just answer any more. PERIOD.
Your own limits are what is important here. We as submissives, learn that vetting is the most important thing we can do to protect ourselves. If Dominants want to get to personal to quick then that is an answer for you. That they do not want to learn about you as a submissive, much less a female. Asking for LIMITS to me is not to personal...asking me to send them nude photos right away is just unacceptable to me and tells me a lot. So if someone wants to call you rude, move on my sweet because you have hit the trigger button already.

Hope this helps.