Is there such a thing as punishments for Dominants?

TheEdge​(other male) • Dec 2, 2022

In my opinion this is the matter of separating sexual punishment with normal relationship disagreement.

If a party does something that jeopardize the relationship regardless of their role, they need to be spoken with.

Dominant or submissive or switch when we make a mistake most of us punish ourselves regardless. But that does not change the need for a serious conversation.

If they go against what was agreed upon then that's abuse with the exception of honest mistakes. In that situation regardless of the role they are gonna get it.

moll​(other female){owned slav} • Dec 2, 2022

I like what you stated. I don't know about all dominants punishing themselves over a mishap...mistake...etc, but my Master is one to be hard on himself when he screws up and the same goes for the Master's that are our friends. As for my Master, he doesn't get the same type of punishment that he might inflict upon me for a transgression, but he genially takes it to heart and feels bad.

In my mind, your statement about something being abuse if it's not an honest mistake (paraphrasing of course) is very broad. For example: if a Master says he will do something and he decides last minute he doesn't want to...which let's the sub/slave down. That's not a mistake...that's a change of mind and not what I would call abusive, but if the situation was reversed....the sub/slave may face punishment. Anyway...just my 5 cents.

Kurai Mori​(dom male) • Dec 2, 2022

As a domineering individual, I would like to believe that a good share of us - hold ourselves to a fairly high and responsible standard. That being said, I understand that we all don't have the same guidelines for how that standard applies... but in general. We strive to keep our partners safe from harm. Treat them with respect and care. And treasure their value to us as a subservient individual.
And in return, we hold ourselves to a degree of maintaining a regular/stable environment for that partner to grow and thrive in. But we too work to grow as a dominant individual - becoming better as we learn.

Thus, the discussion of rules applying to a dominant and punishments for violation of these 'rules' per se... becomes a discussion between the individual relationships themselves. And not a general public discourse, I would think... but what do I know? To each our own...
I will say however, that I have seen other dominants step in - when they have observed a dominant acting badly or without regard for the safety of their own partner. Taking the dominant aside and discussing their concerns. For what was being observed.

But I mean are we talking... I spanked you one, too many times in our last session. Now as my punishment, I have to allow you to spank me? Or are we talking - I treat you to a nice dinner as compensation?

As dominants, we should have an idea into how our subservient partners act and respond to various stimulation... If I had acted out of character towards one of my submissives, I might - in trying to make amends, take them to a place I know they enjoy... but again, this is who I am as a dominant. And my standards are not based on anything, other than my own sense of right and wrong.

Lady Char​(sub female) • Dec 3, 2022

Pretty sure my existence is punishment enough for any Dominant foolish enough to engage with me lol

IMO the "rules" for Dominants are being care keepers of my limits. If they break those rules the "punishment" is the end of the dynamic. I think if mistakes happen through miscommunication or misunderstanding rather than negligence, then the punishment for the Dominant is likely to be self-inflicted - the knowledge they have harmed the submissive under their care in some way.

If that isn't punishment enough for them, nothing else is going to do it.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Dec 3, 2022

Um...out of curiosity, why do you use terms such as "domineering" and "subservient" verses "dominant" and "submissive"? The former terms have a negative connotation while the latter terms do not, at least in the kink community.

Kurai Mori​(dom male) • Dec 3, 2022

@SirsBabyDoll; I hate hijacking post with side conversations - but as I see we're both free members. I have no way of sidelining this discussion with you. Thus, I am limited in my ability to converse. But regarding your comment on my terminology... I don't see the negative connotation implied by the use of 'domineering' or 'subservient' as both are simply words in the English language. Much like practitioner... also a lesser used term - but nonetheless applies to what we do.

We are often quick to point out those that use dominate for dominant interchangeably. Nor do we cringe when people spell it Dominant, to imply they are in some way superior to others in the community?

But even our own 'communities' are but islands spread out across America. As each does dominance and submission differently than the next - but I have used another tense of our dominant and submissive, correctly - have I not?

I've never had the chance to partake of BDSM within the confines of Maryland. But I have practiced in parts of New York, New Mexico and Oregon. Where each have their own spin on it. I have yet to find two locations that do things exactly alike. But I am dangerously close to chasing a rabbit trail with this. So, I will end my reply here.

LordofPain56 • Dec 5, 2022

The way my "covenant" is set up, there are "house rules" and "relationship rules". It has been made clear that these rules apply to both the Dom and sub. It is also clear that there is a punishment for breaking any of the rules.

There is a list of punishments that the sub must endure for breaking certain rules. But there is no list of punishments for the Dom.

The Dom must never break any of the rules (one of which is to not commit adultery). This is the most severe transgression of any of the rules. If the sub commits adultery, there is a listed punishment for that. Since I'm not one who would ever commit an act this heinous, there is no need to include a punishment. But lets say I was of a different character than i am and actually did break my own rule. She would be permitted to end the relationship and that would be my punishment, rightfully so.
One of the least offensive would be the rule that states that thou shall pick up after thyself. If she had clothing and shoes strung all over the hallway floor or bedroom, that would be a broken rule for which there is a listed punishment. Since I am a very neat and well-organized person whose home is the cleanest in the county, there would be no punishment listed, but let's say I left a pair of socks laying on the floor. She could assign that I must do laundry for a week or something reasonable like that in comparison to her punishment, and I would accept that punishment.
But I can't think of any Dom that couldn't even abide by his own rules. How can he expect her to abide by the rules if he himself won't abide by them.
More importantly, the mindset here is that the Dom keep the commandments of God and the teachings of Jesus. Not only that, but use his life example to influence her (the sub) into becoming more Christlike. The hierarchy goes like this; the Dom looks to God for guidance. The sub looks to her Dom for guidance. If he is on a path to salvation in the Lord, and she follows him, maybe they will both be saved.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Dec 5, 2022

[quote="LordofPain56"]
But I can't think of any Dom that couldn't even abide by his own rules. How can he expect her to abide by the rules if he himself won't abide by them.

I was in consideration with a dominant who gave me an order not to contact him before I finished my paid work for the day. He then broke this rule by contacting me at 9am when he knew I had just started work. That was the end of the consideration period. I ended it in that conversation and of course he got extremely irate when I called him on it. I felt lucky to get rid of him. A dominant who violates his own rule is not a dominant. They are totally out of control.

Oberartz • Dec 7, 2022

As a Dominant with 47 years in the lifestyle Yes we need to be held accountable for our actions. Its important to remember that when a submissive gives the gift of submission to the dominant she does so knowing that he is going to take care of her.
All dominates need to be fully in control of themselves before they attempt to control someone else. The dominant holds the submissive accountable for their actions. So who holds the dominant accountable? That answer is easy You the submissive. If the dominant oversteps the agreed upon boundaries stop him. No submissive should ever feel she is below the dominant. She holds the true power because she is the one who has granted you the opportunity to be her dominant.

kaoh • Dec 7, 2022

Eternal damnation or something, I don't know I audited the class. They made it sound kind of fun tho