Turn offs in new conversations

GregW(dom male)

3 years ago • Feb 12, 2023

I am stuck on the "how are you?" being a turn-off. (Part of my hyper-focus issue)

It might be trite, but it could be a genuine query. The profile gives on overall picture of someone, but it rarely conveys how a person is doing at that moment. I know that when I have started with it, I am actually curious how the person is doing at that moment; I am not just starting with a formal greeting process (which, as we all know, should really be with a letter of introduction from a common friend).

I guess I need to work on it.

Is the issue really more about your feeling like you are going to to be giving information and the source of the "how are you" is going to give nothing in return?

LatexHer(dom male)	LatexHer(dom male) 3 years ago • Feb 12, 2023 3 years ago • Feb 12, 2023 LatexHer(dom male) • Feb 12, 2023 The INSTANT turn-off - is when you get a message or e-mail with only one or few words! Hi, Hello, what are you doing, May I be your slave, etc.!

Slavehandler(dom male)

3 years ago • Feb 17, 2023

► Miki wrote:

Not just sexually, actually not at all. Just general turn-offs... Dudes (most often) who want to meet right after starting a conversation online ---I don't trust Online Creatures in general, and I never travel to meet any/tell them where I live so they can slime their dickly way into my neighborhood--- because one never knows who's good and who's dangerous on the other end---- sorry, seen too much 20/20 I guess) Ted Bundy would have loved Online "Meet my MeAt" sites and twisted places like this

The next is the instant need for phone numbers, more pics (My pic is strictly so one can add my face to what I write, not for the purpose of attracting dicks) . All this before the digital ink is even dry on the first exchanged messge. Nope.

The other takes a bit longer but is just as much of a bucket of ice water. Those who fail to realize that, outside of the Personals section, this is not a dating site. Its goal is for people of like mind to connect, talk, and of course ideas and questions on the forums that could use different answers from different points of view.

Finally, my profile is deliberately thin because I'm not looking to start anything beyond casual conversation-- so it should be quite easy to read as opposed to other, more "substantial" ones that have the unintended side effect of blowing away a reader's eyeballs with a wall of text, especially walls of text that contain an unabridged autobiography.

Anyway, as for "sexual turn-offs" one dude who I finally got to get-lost asked for frontal nudes right after sending his first message. Told him not-rudely, "Not Happening" After the 4th or 5th request he finally got the message and vanished into the twisted ether of this place.

I will generally ask for phone nr after a few messages back if I like the person enough to focus on them. As I don't want to pay premium if I am putting effort into someone already, so it is just easier to move out of the platform during that trial duration.

SirsBabyDoll(sub female){🍕+☕}

3 years ago • Feb 17, 2023

► Slavehandler wrote:

For me, asking for my number after just a few messages or asking to go off-platform "for convenience" is akin to asking me to walk into a dark alley. It's dangerous and affords me absolutely ZERO protections.

I give out my number willingly *IF* I have developed a friendship with that person because if they push me to go off-platform, even after saying no, then they can't be trusted with the larger boundaries.

I can't TELL you how many times someone has asked, pushed, and then backed away. That's on them....I'm not a sex dispenser. If they want me to believe their words of "you can trust me. You're safe with me", then they are going to have to prove that by allowing ME to drop boundaries when *I* feel it's appropriate, without pressure.

Slavehandler(dom male)

3 years ago • Feb 17, 2023

► SirsBabyDoll wrote:

► Slavehandler wrote:

They are not worth the time if they keep pushing for it. They are entitled to ask for it. You are entitled to refuse. Hopefully both mature enough to give a reason too. And the conversation just continues until both are comfortable due to mutual respect. I will also not provide my number if asked too early, simply because as a guy there are plenty of con and fraud attempts towards us. But recently I had card issues and it took me 3 months to come back to the platform, during that time I could have built a stronger bond with someone if I had the nr, as most people do not invest in premium so if both person does not have premium anymore the conversation stops.

I'mME

3 years ago • Feb 17, 2023

► GregW wrote:

GregW,

The question is not something I want to hear from a complete stranger. Period.bwjat they don't know me, I don't lie, so therefore I'm stuck ignoring the quesion.

Or "How was your day?"

Really? That's one I will ignore also.
Is it the first thing (people who call themselves Dom) learn from a book or something.
For me, it's NOYB.

I have never chatted with you,
You are assuming I am submissive, and submissive towards you at that.
I wouldn't tell a complete stranger about my day.
It's fake as hell, and most likely I will not want to chat again.
You think all subs are in the verge of needing to unload from their day.

It's not sincere, it's some kind of line.

These are my thoughts, about how are you or how was your day....

I'mME

3 years ago • Feb 17, 2023

► Slavehandler wrote:

► SirsBabyDoll wrote:

► Slavehandler wrote:

Slavehandler,

Entitled to ask for a number? Naww. Nobody is entitled to anything in life . And you are not owed an explanation.

How many times do you chat before you ask for a number? And then you give up your information correct ? No Whatsapp, Google, kik, telegraph, etc, but your personal info.

You can call or make all the decisions on how subs should behave and their mindset. Subs are not in a hive connected together by one brain. You can try and apply one of your Dom reasonings to a situation, it doesn't mean it's going to happen nor does it mean that there is something wrong with the sub either or she is not being sub enough.

They are moving at their pace. Patience is a virtue.

Slavehandler(dom male)

3 years ago • Feb 18, 2023

► I'mME wrote:

► Slavehandler wrote:

► SirsBabyDoll wrote:

► Slavehandler wrote:

I think politeness and respect goes a long way. I am not very fond of attitude, behaviour or mindset that relates to "I don't owe you anything" or "I am perfect as I am". That to me illustrates selfishness and laziness or rather lack of introspection and desire to be better version of oneself. I will explain my absent to anyone who I didn't end the conversation in a way that it is clear I am ending the conversation with. So they understand I didn't ignore them, or ghosted them or something as that is why we see blogs about something negative or I felt this or that because the conversation wasn't completed in a certain way. Everyone judges, assumes, interpret and feel something regardless of gender or labels. No one is owed anything but there is something called politeness, respect and just being a good human. And none of this requires a label on sub or dom mindset, it is just how majority of people want to converse and interact. Communication is a human skill and if someone can't communicate regardless of dom or sub, that should always be a red flag for most people.

I'mME

3 years ago • Feb 18, 2023

► Slavehandler wrote:

► I'mME wrote:

► Slavehandler wrote:

► SirsBabyDoll wrote:

► Slavehandler wrote:

Slavehandler,

*I think politeness and respect goes a long way. I am not very fond of attitude, behaviour or mindset that relates to "I don't owe you anything" or "I am perfect as I am". That to me illustrates selfishness and laziness or rather lack of introspection and desire to be better version of oneself. I will explain my absent to anyone who I didn't end the conversation in a way that it is clear I am ending the conversation with. So they understand I didn't ignore them, or ghosted them or something as that is why we see blogs about something negative or I felt this or that because the conversation wasn't completed in a certain way. Everyone judges, assumes, interpret and feel something regardless of gender or labels. No one is owed anything but there is something called politeness, respect and just being a good human.*

This thread was named ...

Turn offs In New Conversations.
That is what was behind the answers people gave. When I read, How are you, I immediately connected with that answer. The reason may be different than who originally put that as an answer. That's okay too, this is a great type of question for everyone to see a perspective other than their own. I read GrewW's scratching his head post on the question 'How are you today? ' and my intent was to try and explain or give my reasoning, then thinking about that brought to mind the awkward "How was your day" that I have received as an opening line from a COMPLETE STRANGER which seemed to be on point in this thread. I wrote on point with this thread because I will be the first one to raise my hand and admit I can get off track in forum threads.
I read your posts and they seem (actually they ARE intended) from a dominant perspective on the proper conduct of subs, hence my statement of Domly lessons. It's that thinking that will create an atmosphere where many s-types will not answer. I suspect there are already many who won't step a toe into answering questions like this because of exactly what has occurred. The more outspoken people will answer and always then, it's a general consensus that they are argumentative, combative, or they just need to see the light in where they are wrong. Pick one. I do not try and be part of the problem, but if certain mentalities are present on a platform, then I become the things I named above. I have broad shoulders as previously stated to someone else. I am mostly willing to discuss concepts with someone. What I will never do is allow someone to rewrite and explain myself to me and anyone else who may read the thread. I will have typos, and possibly syntax errors, oh the horror. ? Last time I checked that is what I would call human.

Your post to me on indicates that I may lack communication skills and Ii don't know how to be polite. Maybe you are correct, maybe not. I do however have excellent reading comprehension skills.

This forum threads was Turn Offs in New Conversations .......
"how are you" and "how was your day" were what I consider a major turn off in a new conversarion. Having read your comments, I felt I prompted to answer the undercurrent they contained. What undercurrent ? The admonishing and therefore indicating a wrongness on their part answering a subjective forum question.

I'mME

3 years ago • Feb 20, 2023

► I'mME wrote:

► GregW wrote:

GregW,

After re-reading my reply to your question, I wanted to clarify something.
I answered the forum topic from these perspectives

New conversations meant a stranger.
What turns us off when a stranger writes or verbalizes ..............

I seem to have given some the impression (I don't know why since I didn't write it) that I ignore a person bc they are a stranger and I got turned off during the conversation.

Here is my clarification (it could run long?☺️)

No matter who comes into my box, I try to answer.

Turned off in my mind meant things they write, why I lose interest in wanting to chat with the person. New conversarion in my mind meant someone with whom I had not chatted.

If I open a message and someone has written
Hi, how was your day? ??

It is preposterous for a complete stranger to ask another complete stranger this type of question.
It's like they read a few notes of things a Dominants might ask. And for the record only people with Dom beside their name have ever asked me this question (a stranger in a new conversation) on the kink platforms I have joined.

It is a turn off, which I checked and that is part of the forum topic.

I'm not going into the endless subjects or other things that one could write. The end of time would come before I could finish.

How are you, is similar in a distant cousin kind of way. But nonetheless it's still thumbs down.
So many different ways to frame this question so that it doesn't smack (smell) of familiarity.

Thank you GregW for letting me add my thoughts.

There was some confusion in the thread. They thought that I ignore people in my box if they write something that I consider a turn off.

And some folks may just do that, ignore a message like that. Hey, hey there, heaven must be missing an angel since I am writing you. (?☺️ added that to appease my funny side)