GregW

dom male

60

In a monogamous relationship

I am trying to understand the dynamics of BDSM better, attempting to be the best Dom I can be.

About me:
I am coming to the BDSM scene later than most of the people I see on this site. In general, I prefer the company of a few people; a crowd can overwhelm me quickly. My wife and I have practiced various kinks in the bedroom, and the more I read the more I like the caring I have seen in this life style.

My ideal submissive (05/17/2023):
• One I could help achieve her goals.

Third draft (2/10/23):
Tenets:
• The Dominant signs on to make decisions for two people with both of their interests in mind within the boundaries of the agreement.
• The submissive signs on to let someone else make decisions for her to help her grow as a person within the boundaries of the agreement. (As a dominant, I am taking responsibility for the growth of the submissive. )
• Honesty, trust, communication, and respect are at the heart of the relationship. (I must be totally 100% honest with her and expect the same from her. )
• Neither the Dom nor the sub is inherently better than the other.
• We are humans and will make mistakes. What matters is how we deal with those mistakes.

My promise:
• I will never intend to perform an act that would cause any lasting physical harm to the sub.
• I will never intend to perform an act that would cause any lasting emotional harm to the sub.
• I will respect the outside commitments (e.g. job, charity work, ...) the sub has and will not intend to cause issues for her in these commitments.
• I will learn her needs and try to satisfy them. (I need to listen to her and to what she is trying to tell me.)
• I will learn her goals and help her reach them. (As a dominant, I am taking responsibility for the growth of the submissive. I am to find out what the submissive needs, to help her reach that goal, and to find out what the submissive's potential is, guiding her to realize her potential. )
• I will learn her hard limits and respect them.
• I will learn her soft limits and approach them gently.
• I will learn her safe words and respect them.
• I will protect her.
• I will be patient with her.
• I will try to set realistic goals for each of us as we work toward the relationship we want.
• I will make us my greatest priority.
• When I communicate my thoughts and emotions, I will do so without any obfuscation. I will be honest and forthright.
• I will challenge her, support her, and help her reach her goals. (If financially able and it is in keeping with her reaching her goal or potential or if I need her to perform a task that requires training, I would help her move towards completing her degree / training / ....)
• I will be as healthy as I can be.
• I will be open to learn and be humble when I make a mistake. (If I make a mistake, I need to admit it and to learn from the experience.)
• I will not forget to for us to have fun.

Punishments or Consequences for One’s Actions
• Punishment shall not be given in anger or frustration.
• Punishment should not be given out without trying to understand the reason for the infraction.
• The punishment should meet the severity of the infraction.
• The punishment should be appropriate for the submissive.
• No punishment shall be given without a reason for that particular punishment.

illegal acts, scat, needle work, minors, …, people calling me "daddy".

Starting to formulate a coherent philosophy of being a Dom.

May 18, 2023

Nov 19, 2022