How best to reply (sub female)

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female)​{🍕+☕} • Sep 1, 2022

Think of it this way...

Sir/Master/whatever...as a possessive. There is a difference between "THE phone" and "MY" phone.

Until they 'possess' you, (and you, them), hold onto your freedom and steer clear of the honorifics.

My personal policy when it comes to online IDs that have honorifics in them, is I shorten the name.

For example: a Dom has the name "Sir TiesYouUp". I'll just call him "Ties". A guy with the name "MasterCumSucker", (ok, so I might not talk to THAT one)... but he becomes "MCS".

I wouldn't call a guy in the bar who bought me a drink "MY" boyfriend so I don't use the possessive here simply because he messaged me.

I'mME • Sep 3, 2022

Are they your Sir? If not, then why? You do not know this person, they could be anybody, some 18 year old kid..........Let's try another way.
Why would you call someone Sir, that asked for that on the second message of a platform.
I can not tell you or give you the stuff inside when navigating this stuff. If you were on a vanilla platform and someone messaged you for the second time and all of a sudden started referring to themselves as your boy friend, what would you think?

KinkyKey​(switch female) • Sep 16, 2022

Hi there!

I don't have a ton of experience in the actual nitty gritty of D/s, but I do have quite a bit of experience with greetings. My first piece of advice is do not feel obligated to reply to every single message that is sent to you! I know as a new sub, being young and untrained, you can receive TONS of messages. It can be really draining (trust me, I know). I especially would not respond to those who are being disrespectful right off the bat.

Every person has a different approach, and you have to figure out what kind of approach you like. I have found that not replying to messages that are overtly sexual has been a LIFESAVER. No dominant who cares enough to get to know you will be talking about what he wants to do with you or to you without at least knowing something about you. However, don't mistake this for them outlining some of their kinks. Some Dom's do this as a way to see if the two of you will be compatible or not!

Another thing, don't be afraid of not being experienced. Any worthwhile Dom will not care, and if anything will take more time with you as they have been made aware of the fact that you don't have experience. HOWEVER, there will be some fake Dominants who will try to take advantage you. They will try to boss you around and claim ownership from the get go. DO NOT allow this. Keep this in mind... just being a sub does not mean that you are *their* sub. Them being a "Dominant" does not make them *your* Dominant.

As to how to greet them, that is up to personal preference. It's just another thing you have to figure out unfortunately. When I first started out, I called every Dominant I came in contact with Sir. However, after awhile I realized it made me uncomfortable to be calling a complete stranger such a thing. It felt like I was already handing myself over, and I just didn't like how it felt. So I stopped. I just recently have started up again, but only to those who I deem worthy. I always check out their profile, take a look at some of their forum replies (if they have them), and really taking into account in to how they're approaching me. Like I stated earlier, horny messages are a no go for me. Other messages I do not respond to are demanding ones. Any message that has someone trying to control you from the get go is a *no no*. I expect respect when someone is greeting me, just as they would. I respond best to courteous messages (i.e. Hey KinkyKey! I took a look at your profile and I really like how bubbly and honest you are! From your bio and your BDSM checklist it seems like we could be compatible! Hope to hear from you.)

One last paragraph for my essay Trust. Your. Gut. If you are talking to someone and they are giving you weird vibes, take a step back. Reach out to a friend and ask their opinion. Maybe even a couple friends. You can respect theirs and yours privacy while also making sure that you are taking part in a safe conversation. Never EVER be scared to reach out! There are plenty of nice people on here willing to lend a hand, as you can see from the replies on here.

Don't forget that you're a person worthy of respect too. Being a submissive makes you no less than a Dominant. Both roles are things to be cherished and nurtured, regardless of what position they hold <3

Feel free to message me if you have any more questions! I'd love to be able to help you on your journey.

Good luck!

Snowangell​(sub female) • Sep 16, 2022

This is amazing advice, thank you!! I really appreciate it all (I love a good essay sometimes!)

KinkyKey​(switch female) • Sep 16, 2022

Of course! If you need anything else or have any questions, don't be afraid to reach out. I don't bite! (well... I won't bite you at least xD)

I'mME • Feb 22, 2023

Lay It On The Line

-Triumph

Re: How best to reply (sub female)

IronWorld​(sadist male) • Feb 22, 2023

Call them whatever you desire. It's a personal choice.

I require "Sir" once a relationship starts. I require "Master" when love has been established.

Re: How best to reply (sub female)

dollMaker​(dom male) • Feb 22, 2023

No its not and unfortunately some on here create nick names to force that, we see you doing this.There will be those who will talk about respect, push this, respect my title, so use the title, but that is frankly a red flag, a pretty big one, as is putting titles into nick names.

If someone has loads of or even one honorific, title in their nick name remove that, or break it down into letters. Sure this annoys some, I have seen this, this is another red flag,

If someone is not your whatever, you are not in a dynamic with them, consented to using a title, then don’t and they, internet randomers should not be asking, nor demanding, again red flags if they do this. Within the leather community there are those who have actually been given a status by their peers, away of indicating that they are seen as having reached a level of proficiency re their craft so are given a masters cap, a literal cap. If you are not leather then I don’t think it should be forced on you to use a title, but in this context, if its proven, and the kink world is full of self appointed sirs and masters, then maybe you could. I would maybe ask and decide then. Outside of leather settings I would ignore titles, except those you get into a dynamic with.

I generally wont let anyone use a title, except they feel incredibly uncomfortable not doing so. Sadly, and yes I feel this, some were brainwashed into using titles even to those not in dynamics with, and these people feel very off not doing so. As I don’t want to cause distress I will permit this, but I do try to say don’t first time they do, and only allow it if they express this is how I was trained etc, feel off if I don’t etc. Those I am in a dynamic with, I give them options and say use what resonates with them.

So my advice is don’t use titles unless the person is your dom, or whatever dynamic you are in and title fits.

Regarding education try submissives guide website, and you tube channel, also LovingBDSM website/youtube channel plenty of guidance regarding things like this.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Feb 22, 2023

How you reply is up to you. Some use Honorifics, others don't.

But....

Just because someone tacks on "LordHighMuckyMuck" on as a screen tag does not mean you have to automatically require you to refer to them as Sir or Ma'am. Anyone who demands you call them as such right off the bat deserves a short circuiting anal plug insurted for testing.

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female)​{LJ} • Feb 22, 2023

I’ll just add one other thing. Don’t just assume that a Dom wants you to give him an honorific without being in a relationship. Just like some subs don’t want to be called good girl/slut/pet/baby or whatever other name by just anyone, some Doms don’t like to be called Sir/Daddy/Master by just any submissive.