How should i start my first meeting with my sub?

Anything done on the first date would become expected for any others. Do you want to base the relatiknship/ dynamic off sexual acrivities?

There is no such thing as too much communication before after and during !
Talk about needs wants desires !
Ensure limits and boundaries are in place
Discuss any medical issues that might apply !
Agree consent to all and every action
Decide clothing to suit
The more you talk the more you learn !

Get all that right beforehand and your first meeting will hopefully be fabulous , don’t try and script it too much let it evolve organically! Yes there will be nervousness but laugh and enjoy the experience!

Stop me if this is too much of a tangent. But reading thuogh the personals, it is clear to me that the expectation is among the majority of sub are looking for the dom to be the more experienced half of the operation. To be a mentor figure. Many perhaps looking for somebody more intrusive and invasive than I would nessarybe comfortable being.

Yet even so, I cannot really identify as a sub. As an outsider whose kink is more towards a dominat role than a submissive one I'm wondering exactly how this works. As to be an experienced Dom you presumambly have to of gained experience from somewhere.

Or is everyone on the scene supposed to do some kind of 'aprenticeship' as a Sub before proving themselves 'experienced' in a dominant role?

This is still very new to me....

It is easy to understand your confusion in this. And I personally am glad you asked the question. In my experience, and in my opinion, the best thing that you could do is to find and event near you such as a munch or maybe a dungeon party or something to that effect. Munches are usually the best way to meet local people in this lifestyle. You will find all ranges of experience and kinks. You can then find someone in a particular kink you are interested in like rope play and rigging. (2 different things that use rope)
You could then ask someone that is experienced to mentor you and help guide you. No, you are not their sub, you are just a protégé. That’s how I did it when I got into lifestyle was to be mentored. I am sure there are people here that can point you in the right direction that are in or around your area.

Hope this helps.

Coffee, dinner, movie first couple meets not pump and dump

It is easy to understand your confusion in this. And I personally am glad you asked the question. In my experience, and in my opinion, the best thing that you could do is to find and event near you such as a munch or maybe a dungeon party or something to that effect. Munches are usually the best way to meet local people in this lifestyle. You will find all ranges of experience and kinks. You can then find someone in a particular kink you are interested in like rope play and rigging. (2 different things that use rope)
You could then ask someone that is experienced to mentor you and help guide you. No, you are not their sub, you are just a protégé. That’s how I did it when I got into lifestyle was to be mentored. I am sure there are people here that can point you in the right direction that are in or around your area.

Hope this helps.[/quote]

Thank you. That helps a great deal.

G’day
I can only speak from my own experience(s) ….. so each to their own.
I found that when meeting a BDSM play-date and to what happened and when, depended on how ‘deep/active’ the conversations had been over the communication, before the IRL meet and how well we both got on upon meeting.

My Profile on theCAGE, or the other site I used pre-Kitty, spoke volumes about me and my personality, and I always met a sexual submissive play partner with no expectations (including Kitty and more recently ….. Princess).

I always made sure an initial IRL meeting, was used as an affirmation that I was/am who I portrayed myself to be and that the person I had been chatting to was also as perceived.

FYI:
On one occasion I met with someone who forgot to mention she smoked. That’s a big, big turn off for me for several reasons. We chatted in person, had dinner, spent the night together ….. but as a sleep over in the same bed ( i.e. no tomfoolery) as she was (apart from smoking) a lovely person.
Someone who became a friend.
On meeting Princess, she was standing in the corner with her uniform dress-up and white panties to her knees within 10 minutes, and over my knee within 15 minutes ?
There is no fate except that which you make.

I would always recommend caution and do as I say, not do as I do .
What I do works for me and who/how I am.

Take your time, be sensible, play your agreed/negotiated part to the best of your abilities and get into a healthy Mindset.
Behave like an adult.

Make your parents proud ?

Not intended for this to sound like I’m bashing anyone in their responses, but just putting it out there as it may not be as common a perspective….I do understand why so many folks are advising the initial get together is meet and greet not meat greet, but there are lots of folks that sex-driven interactions just work for, for a many different reasons.

The OP didn’t put out that she was only looking for her life partner, she’s been talking with someone, it’s obviously of an adult nature, and she’s wondering more about kinky techniques and options for said first encounter.

Providing real life experience and opinion for the newer folks is something really valuable that happens here. It is awesome how many people, Dominant, sub, or any other role, step up trying to impart info that can keep a newbie from hurting themselves or others. We don’t necessarily need to scare them or give them the impression that what they would like to do is a bad idea or *wrong* though. At some point we gotta trust that that individual knows what they need/ want/ can handle.

Unfortunately, before the critical staffing situations we have had for a while, as exacerbated by COVID--- this would be a lot like some high school kid trying to get their first ever job.

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Boss Man: "Sorry, kid, we're looking for someone with experience."

Kid: "But this would be my first job, how else can I get experience?"

Boss man shrugs "Sorry, I Don't know what to tell you, but thanks for your interest in our company. Good luck out there."
--------------------------------------

Of course now that's changed.

Boss Man: "When can you start?"

Kid (worker shortage,; got balls now): "How much will you pay? I expect no less than $15/hour to start."

Boss man: "We are on a tight budget but I think I can get you $12.50, maybe $13

Kid: "Kiss my ass."

************

But "y'all"get the point. Whether new to a role in BDSM or looking to flip your first burger there are a wide range of preferences and expectations out there with regard to how "experienced" one is and although it sucks the proverbial bag, it's all part of the fun of both.


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Now, my 2 cents were immeasurably helpful---- sayeth no one ever.



Good luck and stick with it.

I would echo what others have said. Meet as people first with no expectations of play. People can be very different in the flesh from how they are online and you may not be able to stand each other when you meet in person. It's also useful for establishing what you're both comfortable with and mapping out a starting point that works for you both.

Plus, if he can't wait and is pushy, do you actually want him as your sub?