Getting responses to messages

Getting responses to messages

ZachB​(dom male) • Oct 16, 2024

This question is mainly for submissives, but I'd love to hear from everyone.
What’s the best way to get a response to an introduction message on here? I always take the time to read profiles and craft a unique message, but it often feels like they get lost in the flood of messages from fake doms. It’s frustrating, but I can understand why—after hearing some of the horror stories shared here, I’d probably ignore my inbox, too.

That said, how can someone make their message stand out enough to get opened? What do you consider a good first message? If there's someone you’d like to get to know, how long should you wait before reaching out again, or should you leave it at one message and move on?

In my six years here, I've noticed a decline in response rates, and I think it would be interesting to see more options for premium accounts—like the ability to send priority messages (which appear at the top until opened) or maybe a separate list with its own notification sound. If anyone else has ideas, feel free to throw them out there—who knows, maybe the mod team will notice and implement one of them!

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 16, 2024

Even though I am indefinitely "Not Looking" I open all messages and respond to all except those that either seem to need no reply or are too high off the wall to deal with. However (Never was a "sub", as defined) either, but this thread topic is definitely something I can put my 2 cents in on...

Make a message stand out? Well just be genuine. Seek to get to know who you're writing and leave the BDSM roles or other risque banter for a future discussion if you get your foot in the door.

While I cannot speak for others, my experiences and reactions can't be all that different from other message recipients... A friendly and warm greeting and brief description of yourself is always nice to see and respond to. But don't fall into the trap of sharing too much in an introductory message. It's an intro not a bio. That can come later or better still, the one receiving your message would likely check out your profile.

I don't think Cage management would roll with this anyway but "Priority Messages" that stick at the top until opened can be seen as intrusive or even a pain in the ass to people, the latter especially to me.

I'll open any and all messages but I wouldn't enjoy a persistent sticky on the top that seems to say: "Open Me Or Else I'll Haunt Your Digital Ass til the End of Time!" For some that could lead to a mouse-pointer trip to the "Delete" button.

No Priority crap. Leave well enough alone.

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My Inbox got nuked when I signed on almost 7 years ago, but over time the would-be message-senders saw on my profile that I'm Not Looking--- and decided their time and energy were better directed elsewhere. Cool beans!

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Oh, right... Before all else, do read the profile above the "Send Message" button of the person you'd like to contact!!.

A turn off for many is a message from someone who never read their profile first.


That's my 2 cents. Now I'm out of pennies.

Good Luck!!

Voldemort​(dom male) • Oct 16, 2024

I normally just say hello. My name. And a welcome if they are new.
Sometimes I get a reply back but sometimes I don't.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Oct 16, 2024

They have to be genuine, friendly, no agenda. Most subs here will, like me, get millions of the following:

1) Hi, can we chat? (err...about what?)
2) Just wanted to say i love your pics, you look great! (thank you for the compliment, but?)
3) What are you looking for ?(the slut suffix is optional) - (err....diet coke, they've run out?)
4) i've read your profile..followed by text which is clearly cut and paste, or utterly irrelevant to my profile (no, you haven't..fuck off)
5) Hi (err - what, i'm expected to respond all day to such banality?)

I actually find i do MUCH better at building connections when i write to people. It just works for me. On the back of someone liking my profile, and me responding via message, " i like yours too " a very great deal can be constructed. [ a wink to the relevant party....]

But i respond well to approaches that are light, friendly, and relevant. So, someone writing in earnest or jokingly to something i've said on the forum. Then just..you know...CONVERSING.

Leave the "i'm looking for a sub, could you be her..." stuff till much much later. When you've established your credentials as a decent human being. Too many here are not, and i'm afraid over time, we lump you all together. And you then have to prove yourselves. That sucks i know. But it's how it is.

I also think a simple, "i've read your profile, and like what i see. I would enjoy chatting to get to know you if you would like to" CAN work...but i think it's luck of the draw if she just happens to have the time or the inclination to respond to that message, on that day...... And in terms of follow up..nope. I wouldn't. You just look needy.

DidiRN​(sub female) • Oct 16, 2024

While I am not "looking" right now I do always try to respond. I was taught that it's polite to respond if someone takes the time to reach out to you. The only exception is if the opening message is blatantly disrespectful, and even then you get a response along the lines of "is that really an appropriate way to talk to someone you are just meeting?" I was getting a lot of dick pics in opening messages (cringe, instant delete without reading and block) which is why I even put a warning about it in my profile.

I may suck at communication (something that I know and am working on), and may not message all the time but I do try to respond if I get a message. I don't have the courage to message someone first yet, and as an introvert I don't know if I ever will.

I do know how it feels to be ghosted, and I imagine that it feels about like someone ignoring an opening message. For that I am sorry.

The opening messages that have gotten my attention the fastest show humor or that the person has actually read my profile and wants to have a real conversation. One notable person opened with "in your quest for knowledge please avoid those awful 50 Shades books" and a friendship was born.

That's one of the reasons that I hate when people leave profiles blank, at least tell us something about you so we can have something to start a conversation.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Oct 16, 2024

The most interesting advice I ever read about came from the science fiction author Harry Harrison.

Back in the days when a great deal of published work were short stories written for pulps or magazines, writers would type it up on a good deal of pages, with the first being who the story was being submitted to, who wrote it and their bio, and other such stuff. There was maybe half a paragraph at the bottom of the page to open the story.

Now submission editors got a ton of these things, so most of the time they did not read very far into it, deciding on a few lines. Harrison developed a tactic to create a hook with the last line on the first page, thus interesting the editor into moving on the second page. If this one done, more than likely he sold the story.

I treat Cage message much the same one. Only the hook is the subject line. That is the first thing they see, so you have to grab their interest.

You also have to complete the hook with the first line of the message.

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 17, 2024

Come to think of it, at times it really can seem like beginning a job interview.

Although recipients shouldn't be all that rigid IMHO, everyone has their preferred way of doing things, especially when one's Inbox is blown to smithereens by intro messages.

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... and on the other side of the equation... newer subs with profiles that state that they're "single / looking for a dom" tends to lay out an invitation for the proverbial ants to come join the picnic. While a type of dynamic one seeks is best left to the "Seeking" feature, I always thought it best to leave all that for "later on" in a conversation whenever one develops.

Alas, as I'm out of the (physical) game it's only my opinion on the matter / what I would do in their shoes.

Steellover​(sub male) • Oct 17, 2024

I generally respond to most messages if they are sincere or polite (and not obviously trolling or insulting). But I am a sub male interested in dominant females, so when I get an inquiry from, say, another self-described sub male or dominant male who is explicitly wanting to "hook up," if I don't outright ignore them, then I will usually send them a terse reply that I am not what they are looking for.

With that said, as a dude, I don't get a whole lot of messages from dominants of either gender. And I don't get a ton of replies when I contact dominant types either, because (as I understand it) female dominant types get so many messages from guys who sound obnoxiously desperate, that even a well-crafted and thoughtful introductory message often goes without a response. Just how it is.

With that said, when I do message people, I mostly do so in regards to a specific blog entry or forum post, and not with the intention of trying to meet up with them. Especially since the ones who I might be most interested in likely live several states away from me anyway.

If you are messaging someone with the intent of really pursuing them, then I would do what others have already suggested- read their profile, blog entries and forum posts to get an idea of what they are about and if you feel like there could be a possible connection, and if your relationship goals align with theirs, then try to connect with them on a personal level and give it a shot.

WhiteRoses​(sub female) • Oct 17, 2024

Talk to the person, as a person. Not an opportunity. If you want to get to know someone, get to know the person not the position. Probably not explaining it correctly.

Kelpi • Oct 17, 2024

I have answered all the mail that I have gotten over the years (not that there was that much) and I have been glad to have made some very good friends. Personally my favorite started out "where the hell did you get that name" to be honest I don't remember now. It had something to do with a book on Irsh folklore a bottle of pineapple rum and a fight in the middle of the river.

I try to be polite when answering but very few times do I ever send anything out. I normally say hello and state what was on my mind. Short and to the point. If they say hello great if not oh well. It is not easy wanting something online. Hell even harder in real life. I guess it is just scarry for most out there to even try and get something going when all it takes is a push of a button and poof it is over and done with no reason or rime.

Then you have the majority of "doms" who want something online to get their fantasy rocks off and act like smoke till it hits them again. Now with all the videos of woman trying to get a man has the "666" or nothing at all men are starting to find new places with women who want to take care of a house and kids instead of going out.

Yes there are real Doms here and there but most have found who they wanted or found it is just easier to live alone than keep trying. I think I am off base here so sorry.