Why did you

Why did you

Heart of Persephone​(sub female) • Oct 18, 2024

Do You Play The Game, Or Do You Live The Life? (cross posted)
Did you come here to play "daddy" (you see, I did not capitalize the d? IMHO, players, wanna-be, and insta doms do not get the title in caps) Did you come here to act all submissive and cute only to talk about the massive amounts of sex you have or what you would do for the D? Keeping it only to the bedroom and dirty talk. Only stay in the shallow end, not wanting or knowing how deep and scary this lifestyle can get and how fulfilling this life can be.
Or did you come here for more, not knowing what that was? But feeling the pull to dig deeper, learn, read, and listen to enter life truly?
This lifestyle takes hard work and dedication. You are exposing your inner being, sharing all your fears and weaknesses, and fighting against what you want so deeply. Taking yourself back to the beginning, "tearing yourself down, to build yourself up," Willingness to read everything you can get your hands on, I'm not talking about just BDSM books; I'm talking about books or personality, relationships, negotiations, spiritual and listening to podcasts and videos on growth and putting in the work of attending therapy sessions to know yourself better. Willingness to be so raw, learning your darkness and light. Knowing what you are genuinely capable of being and doing.
Putting yourself into their hands to "force" you out of your comfort zone to try new things, not just kink stuff but so much more, such as learning a new language, taking college classes, and reading a book you never thought of reading before. You may have had the desire or dream to do something, but you were the one who was holding yourself back.
Put all that together with everything in a D/s dynamic; you become something so unique you astound yourself.
You can "play" in the shallows, which is ok if that is all you want or need. Or you can submerge yourself in the dark depth of a beautiful dynamic.
I write this from my standpoint of a straight female submissive in a D/s dynamic with my Dom, who is also my husband.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Oct 18, 2024

I think it is all absolutely acceptable and fine. You can play these games/live this life any way you like.

Whatever two or more consenting adults wish to get up to is between them. Nothing is more valid than anything else.

What is not okay is for people to deliberately mislead someone, ie say they want one thing, when they are after entirely another. That's where the hurt and harm come from.

DidiRN​(sub female) • Oct 18, 2024

Honestly, it isn't my place to judge anyone else's reasons or dynamic. All that I ask is that we act like the adults that we supposedly are and be honest with each other. There are enough people that are interested in different things that you shouldn't have to lie about what you want just to be with someone, that only breeds hurt for both parties.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Oct 18, 2024

Personally?

I came here for the pizza.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Oct 18, 2024

And the popcorn? 😁

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Oct 18, 2024

Just the pizza.


I bring my own popcorn!

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Oct 18, 2024

🤣

Kelpi • Oct 20, 2024

When 50 Shades came out my friends looked at me and asked if that was how it was done. At first I said no but now I have seen where it is true on many levels. It just depends on what your into and what you're looking for. So let me ask "what's in your box of chocolates"?

ControlYourHole​(dom male) • Oct 21, 2024

Great questions for all to consider H.O.P! You sound like a true sub whose role is part of your inner being, not just an occasional dabbler in slighly kinkier-than-average sex who claims a devotion to submission they don't really have. Nothing against subs who want a bedroom-only dynamic AND make that clear from day 1, but the trend of pretending to be invested in joining a very intense lifestyle dynamic just to find a short-term glorified hookup partner is lame for sure.

I've had a few young ladies say they want to be trained to be an "obedient Daddy's girl" but then go ghost when basic rules have to be set☠️this was before ever getting to meet in person so it saved me from wasting time on the wrong subs tbh. I wish the best for them all, they just need a Dom who lives in their actual city to physically help them dive into submission from day 1 of even knowing them, not a long-distance thing that could facilitate occasional trips to "play" at best to snap out of that wishy-washy mindset. I'm sure subs have it WAY worse when it comes to fake Doms who can't lead & discipline a woman well but think the fact they've fucked a drunk girl in her asshole one time before makes them a "based alpha Dom" 🤣😵‍💫

My observation is that there's often an inverse correlation between a potential subs intense mental desire for Domination and her experience level in bed...the kind of subs I like most (subs with a little side who want TPE) mostly got their desires one of two ways- they grew up in ultra religious sexually repressed families OR on the opposite end, well...everybody here knows I think. They lost their virginity VERY young. Both groups end up wanting a very Dominant man BUT both tend to be pretty shy with guys at first and hesitate to do quick hookups because they see sex as power exchange not just recreation. So they are either virgins or have single digit body counts when they start looking (which I do prefer by the way, they just require more training). Meanwhile a "normal" college girl might not be scared of rough sex but TPE, breeding, free use? They ARE terrified of that🤯meanwhile my wifey went from virgin to married to her Dom & pregnant in a couple months.

I hope my observations resonate with somebody, and I thank you HOP for bringing up a very important topic👍🏻

lambsone • Oct 21, 2024

My attraction to this lifestyle came from a gentle Master with whom I experienced the bonding depth that BDSM can create in the hands of a loving person. I've found that there is nothing like the drawing of the heart towards another when bound and flogged, teased and played with, giving each other the mutual respect each deserves.

I do not seek to be torn to shreds and built up again. Life has already done that to me over and over. And I belong to a God who loves me but won't allow me to wallow in my imperfections. He is constantly motivating me towards becoming a person who reflects His nature as He works with me along my life's journey.

I do not seek the depth of the dark side of BDSM. Being a child of the light, I have no need to seek darkness of any kind. I seek to understand how to live in the light. Having been born a child of the dark, and reborn as a child of the light, there is an unending source of things to learn about God and His way of doing things. I struggle with His love due to my background but this past weekend I was finally able to grasp a bit of the reality of it and it's depth. A depth and peace no one can give but Him.

I am on a different path than perhaps many others here, but no less genuine than someone else. I just have a different reason for being involved in BDSM. I love the D/s concept and find it to be a reflection of an ideal god centered relationship as revealed in Ephesians 5 of the Bible. I was very happy to discover that the two aligned. I seek to use BDSM to help establish that type of relationship with a partner.

That's want I'm about and I take it very seriously.