Things you wish you had known....

Dragonlove​(sub female) • Apr 18, 2021

Ohhh this is a great thread!! As a newbie I appreciate everyone sharing!!

House Talion​(dom male) • Apr 18, 2021

Only attend windershins events, dont assist.
Dont let others make you question yourself.

Miki​(masochist female) • Apr 18, 2021

I saw this thread a few hours ago but had to decide if I wanted to stick my 2 cents in or not, but screw it, I'm going to be honest and whoever disapproves can feel free to go pound sand.

Note that I wrote "disapproves". Disagree is fine. It's what forums are all about the world over.

* * * *

I'd tell my younger, kink-inclined self to slow down and pay more attention to my career path, obtaining credentials that would be the most conducive to success, and in general try and look down life's road past the too-near-term- than pleasure and acquiring a twisted reputation.

Now then, everything worked out quite well despite my choices, but perhaps I'd have a couple more options if I just sidelined the kinky/hedonistic shit and put more important, lasting things first. I am glad and quite fortunate to neither need nor want to depend on someone even partially supporting me and/or leading me around by a collar chain, be cooped up in a house or relegated to a crappy McJob and wonder how long before the dominant gets bored and trades me in for a hotter model.

Time enough for fun and games after getting life's longer-term ducks in a row.

$0.02

Bunnie • Apr 18, 2021

“If you could go back in time and give your new to the kink scene self any advice or warning, what would it be?”

To remember that people are still just people, and so am I.

swleopard{Training} • Apr 18, 2021

Listen, listen, listen to the advice and warnings given on here to newbies by experienced subs and Doms.

Then, most importantly, actually follow the advice!

I did not. I thought I was smart enough to guide myself into D/s. How wrong I was. I heard the advice about looking out for red flags, the words and behaviors by people that cause you to question them.

Are they for real? Do they care about my best interests? Are they dangerous to my mental or physical health?

The advice given here has been hard-earned and is given to prevent newbies from getting hurt. This is not a game. Most of us newbies are innocent little fish swimming in a sea of experienced sharks, some good, some bad.

The advice given is to keep us from being devoured by the bad sharks. Listen to it and learn it.

Aquarius Dom​(dom male) • Apr 18, 2021

Understand the real needs don’t just peruse the items on offer like a kid in a sweet shop!

All that glitters is not gold !

Wait not just for the right person but for the one that fits you like a jigsaw if either of you are making compromises then it isn’t right ! Nearly right isn’t enough, the tiny cracks become rifts, the rifts become chasms, the chasms become bottoms pits !!

Zedland​(dom male) • Apr 18, 2021

Don't open it.

One person understands that joke. In all seriousness I guess I would point out to my younger self that they are going to screw up and not everything will work out perfectly. Don't get caught up in trying to perfect a fantasy you don't enjoy whats unfolding around you.

Also knives don't belong in the bedroom. Could have saved myself some pain that way.

Advice to my younger self:

Dontcatchbunny​(switch female){Caught} • Apr 18, 2021

You can feel naturally submissive to someone, don't give up on your submissive side, hold onto hope. Listen that others are human and will fuck up and make mistakes, no matter how perfect you feel one is for you. Don't break your puzzle piece to try to make it fit with thiers. The moment someone steps off your foundation of trust it could break, they may then say they don't value and prioritize you as you do them. Learn what love bombing is before it happens.

GuinevereL​(sub female) • Apr 19, 2021

Very thought inspiring topic!

My advice would be, “It’s not just him”.

I completely placed my daughter’s father on a pedestal because I felt as if we had a deep connection. I felt as if he was the one and only love of my life. It was a vanilla relationship, but we played with bdsm toys (not dynamics) not knowing anything about the lifestyle or community.

I see now that most of his appeal was my need to live this lifestyle. Not everyone is lucky enough to come into contact with someone who educated them on all things bdsm. So this is my advice... move outward, learn, it’s not just him.

Also, I said him because specifically my situation was a him. It could also be a her or them.

Richlydefined​(sub female){Gardener} • Apr 19, 2021

It's not beginner me that I'd like to speak to, I feel like I was more in tune with myself back then like I am again now. It is 'after the first breakup' me that I would like to warn. I'd tell myself to stay the hell away from online dynamics, to trust my gut, and put my foot down as I know I should have a lot earlier because I was right, none of it was real and I knew better in my head but ignored it for my heart and it did me no favors.