Musing turned Inquiry: Demanding Relocation

LongerJohnny​(dom male){B&C} • Jun 8, 2023

I wanted to be with the one I chose, so I moved there. I didn't bother to weigh my decision against any preconceived silliness regarding which I/initial drives and which holds the map - it was about proximity, not power. We needed to be nearer to each other, I was able to go, so I went. And I've never made a better decision.
It doesn't matter who moves, as long as they move closer to one another.

Notely • Jun 9, 2023

Relocation all depends on its rare.  But I also good know 411 some things.
Just thier are these so called ones that aren't Submissive that are willing to relocate right away without any question this is a trap red flag.
Because the leading hand needs to earn trust of the submissive, a submissive wants to feel safe and protective.  Both people need to cam and voice both ways in a mature manner. No video they made needs to be live voice and cam fully clothed. If a person is honest they will be upfront with nothing to hide. Willing to exchange recent photos of what they have on the same as the day they cammed and voiced. Willing to speak the same not talk like they don't understand your language or have broken spelling. Scammers will always excuse their camera being broken , Want to fall in love right away , Their partner passed away in a plane crash , Try to send you a money order that is fake to put in your account  . Never share your email, never use google talk because scammers try to get people off the site to get you to get your email to try to steal information from you. Scammers also like to use a lot lower "i'' and "am " a lot that they do not sound like they from the united states know one talks like that they make look like they are fully superior sweet talk but nothing to show. Scammers use model photos or stolen photo's old ones, nothing new. Why is it good to do your homework? Proof Willing to write their profile name on themself of piece of paper both should do it in return.  If it's too good to be true, it's a scam. Good people would take the time to let you know you do not rush you; they would ask you for money if they get mad. It's because you're not giving them reporting them and blocking them. Scammers want you to feel sorry for them so they will want you to buy them a ticket and never do it.  If they say promises never can keep them and vanish in minutes you're talking on the phone you hear someone they hang out right away then they have someone partner they are trying to hide you from. Good to know the signs. Some also will trick others they don't like their situation they looking for desperation to move they will use the person try to find better keep going to person  to person but looking for anything long term they just pretend they after better this not stable they should work on their health and mental health they only one own responsibility that need to take care of.   But also gotta watch out for the ones try say they want to be your Dom but want you to submit right away that you must do acts on cam or they won't be your Dom you don't have to do anything know one can really just own you tell you what to do if they only asking for sex acts right away block report it it's disrespectful. But people only online they lie want real keep beating around the bush.  don't fall for it either, they just want you only to be online nothing else to do things for them.  But also not good to lie to someone about your age what you look like people can tell if they using to much photoshop it looks fake people do have lines under the eyes with looks to smooth the makeup overdone from filter does look real people want to see the real natural you . Being yourself is the best way to be, don't lie to someone if you meet them they find out you look nothing like that or act like a different person will walk away that's a break of trust.  Using old photos that don't look like the clear ones from a phone is good to take recent ones every few months. They should not be years old, just be honest because people have met people who walked away for people not being honest. Good also to play it safe make sure the person std free not having sex right away if sex all they after decline some cases some people will say they are looking for long term get you on the phone say they are looking for hookup really just hang up and block. If a person only for one for one should only be one for one not to be shared as poly should never be forced. If someone is into poly that is fine but not everyone kink is the same. If Dom tells you must pay rent when you meet this also red flag good Dom would have together never ask you or use for money if they ask for rent it meant they have others living with them this only to finance themselves.  If a Dom truly likes you they will move mountains to come and see you. All Submissive and Doms should not give out their real location or info if you do ever meet in 2 towns away be in separate rooms the first meeting to see if the same as online with connection and chemistry. You can't force a connection it has to be the same in the right vibraiton. If not same feeling not just move on to the next. Don't get too attached till you know it's right to allow things to grow. Takes few times in a year to grow a connection and meet but also another year don't rush anything rush only breaks feelings and people getting mad. But to be safe all should tell family members and friends  where you are going, take a friend or family to the first meeting, have them sit at a table away and have a signal if you need to leave right away. Good to have a backup plan. Best to have your own stability so you're not relying on anyone if you need to get out of the picture for safety, taking a part time job going to the workforce to save up. If the Dom can not come or the sub does have the finds the Dom can get a return ticket months ahead but good if the sub can bring a friend so she knows she is safe . That sub gets back on the train and plane the same day to return home. Why is it best to have someone go with you? My friend met her guy in early 2002 she told him she would not visit unless her friend could come or she was not coming. It was Michigan to Hawaii. He did like her so he agreed. Always meet in a public place during the day in day light not some place in the middle of nowhere.  I have met some over the years good to play it safe.  The way the person treats you also you need to understand they treat you well, they are willing to take you out in public not hide you , They allow you to be yourself not try to change you . If they are not allowing you to have friends or go out it's this sign of control freak the kind that traps you gotta stay away from those if you are stuck with one leave don't tell them you are leaving call 911 to escort you out the house. Being with the wrong person like a cellmate in prison doesn't stay because you are lonely and pretend to be happy if you stay. It will be hard for the right person to find you walking away. True freedom will be hard at first but you will need to listen to yourself for once start saying no, taking your power back. good to know self defence. Control freak will only try to trap you keep you thier don't fall for the game the police to pack light bag when they are not looking the control freak will want to take somewhere but like let's say the beach but you get sun burn because they want to keep you their why you need to get out soon as possible. Keep your limits and have boundaries. If you know someone that been abused or yourself call 911 ask someone to talk in Domestic Abuse its Ok to ask for help when you need it.
To find if someone is not telling the proof by using model photos are not thiers use yandex its free.


There is such a thing called Financial abuse , Spousal Abuse. The person is holding you down, using you, making you stay, making you do everything but not providing you in return financially , if not good for your mental health wellness it's not good for you at all . It is not about one person, it is about two people in partnership. Do not stay because you don't want to be alone , They are getting in your mind playing a game that is not love that is abuse. Change your bank accounts ,Hire a lawyer and get a counselor. If you can not afford one they will help find you one go to the local court house. Do not tell the person your plan that you are leaving. Be on the safe side, best not to tell them because to save your life if you tell them it could get worse or no one can find you to play it safe. If you have nowhere to go , Ask the police you have nowhere to go , Stay with family or friend , Local church or shelter and problem. But to change the situation you gotta keep moving forward. Look up the laws in Financial abuse , Spousal Abuse , Domestic Violencer for help 911 ask someone to talk to to get out why you can.
This might be something hard to do but once you do it your free reclaim your new life you are allowed to have a second chance to reclaim your power.


Submissive is still human a contact can be broken any time , Submissive has a mind of thier own and should speak up , If a Submissive does not know how to do a task as cleaning or learning up to the Dom to teach them a Teacher Good Teacher leads and shows them not give Sub book tell her to read it up to you to be the Teacher not do half ass. Submissive will work with you if you respect them. But Dom needs respect in return a submissive should give love back also help the Dom when sick. Sub is sick they need care to. It's not about one person about two people. Both hold the key agreeing on things.

Without communication, there is no relationship. Without respect, there is no love. Without trust, there is no reason to continue.

Leaving a toxic narcissistic love situation and a person not  tell them you are leaving plan ahead of time, pack lightly when they are looking to go somewhere you can be safe at a friend's house , or ask for witness protection. do not tell the person. If you need to get your stuff out and kids you can call for a police escort to get your things. Cut ties , remove them from your contacts , Delete all mail and messages from all networks to this person. To release cut cords go to a place you can be in peace Say to yourself: I am the empress of my life. I cut all cords that no longer serve me , I only have time to embrace my life and make a beautiful life for myself. Take a break, get some sunshine, Play music that lifts your spirit , go for a walk , Make a routine focusing on yourself, putting more time in you , Being beautiful for you, making relationships with yourself that you only have time for you.
It's not the end, only each day is a new day, a new beginning, a new start celebrating your life.
If someone doesn't see the value in having you by their side, wish them the best and go on with your life.
It takes two people to be partners with teamwork and agreeing on things.
Without communication there is no partnership . Without respect there is no love. Without trust there’s no reason to continue.
They should be willing to grow as a person and take the responsibility in stability to make time for you that you're the only one. Someone a bit older and grown.
No Mistake in the tango darling, not like life. It's simple. That is what makes tango so great if you make a mistake . get all tangled up just tango on. Scent of a Woman (1992)
Take your time with life, enjoy what is now, make peace with everything, just let it be but set boundaries.
The goddess temple must be truly respected or the gate is closed.
Be sexy for yourself if anyone wants to be part of you they should be happy to even get to be part of it. Invest in you , Enchant your life for yourself.
Don't go by sweet words, go by sweet effect and blue prints must be shown.
They must be the one to win you over to be emotionally invested before getting hooked.
Don't get too close to someone unless they show it back willing to meet you first even half way.
Be very selective who you give your heart to , They are willing to look through your soul and mind to make you laugh.
Connection can not be forced; we meet the right people at the right time under the right circumstances through natural vibrations.
The genuine Partner Soul will honor you, respect you and show you the way if they truly are interested they will make an effort to see you won't have to question them.

Dance , Sing , read , to each other , breathe together - communicate. Don't count on slex to be the door to intimacy. It's the other way around first to develop intimacy skills . Then make love to enjoy them.
We all have things, we all have a story. And no matter how much work you've done on yourself. We all snap back sometimes. So be easy on yourself. Growth is a dance. Not a light switch.
Some just want good company, a person to vibe with , converse with and laugh without in a rush. Start off simple , and let the rest find itself. Having someone to talk to and feeling comfortable around them is quite beautiful , and it's a good feeling.




They are beautiful  but you must Lead , Protect and show the way. You can't force love and sex you need to earn her trust and respect to her heart over time. Gotta be more than just sex no soul no love must look in the soul to understand a soul. Looks are great but chemistry and great depth and conversation put you both on the same page . Soul connection two souls click. Love has to grow over time to let it flow. To grow you must respect yourself, have a bit of patience if you value her, don't rush it, do it when it's the right time. Make her feel protected and safe. Then make her your everything in front of everyone, stop doubting it, do better to wake it up. Treat her like the Queen, you be the King. You need to spice on love and romance. Not for me to tell you what to do but just pass this
If you're in a relationship, and they're not your best friend, then you haven't found real love yet. If you really want trust, safety, connection and someone that wants to share every experience with you, then what you're really looking for is the kind of love that only happens when you've found your best friend in life.Love is more than just passion, it's also purpose— love gives meaning to our life. Love gives us a reason to do good, be a better person and give in a way that truly matters. Love is more than a rush of feelings or being adored, it's taking everything that's good and pure in us and sharing it with open arms and an open heart. Love with your best friend never grows old, it only grows deeper.
Submissive were created from the rib of man to be beside him, not from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be trampled by him, but from under his arm to be protected by him, near to his heart to be loved by him.
Keep looking not for a person but for your passion, Your Love, Your Courage, Your goals, your Dreams., your happiness, yourself. keep looking. Explore your worth before you explore another. know your worth. Know yourself only then will you know what you need over what you want. You need yourself to become your own.Showing the sweet effect the blue prints sweet words will not do. Expect the unexpected. Life is full of wonderful things just waiting to surprise you.Life is all about balance , Balance is not something you find ,It's something you create. Balance is the key to everything. What we do think say , Meeting them all requires awareness and through this awareness we can grow.Energy is earned not given selective who I allow in my garden.Starts with lingering conversation more then hello but just because we talk does mean I am in to you or that we will partner don't take to seriously. I really do not seek anything desperate for anything. Attraction Upkeep takes great pride in appearance in attraction not half together. Grow as a person, love yourself to love another and work on yourself to make room for her. If you love a woman in them you move mountains for them not just walk away. Partnership is about two people through thick and thin working together building each other.

Notely • Jun 9, 2023

Note: also be careful if you have kids, best to say you have a family, never show any pictures or interdose them to your kids just some weirdo out there you want to keep yourself safe.    When you are dating someone you need to meet them a few times in real. They need to respect your needs. They need to meet you first, not your kids. You need to know this person is safe. They talk about anything that crosses the line  as age plays, stop talking to them and walk away blocks.   Someone that is trying to rush you to meet your family is also not the right kind.    

If someone only wants a person for punching bags this also does not safe their places on the body you can not hit can't punch someone in the face it can lead to a bad injury. There are just some things that cross the line and a lot of bdsm clubs would not even allow good to know things. If someone only in anger only about the self wants you to have no rights they are not safe.  People might be in pain but a good person would not even allow it. Just because you see something online you never tried it you should be careful not everything you seen on video is real, many things are slapstick. If a person does not take the time to have safety they force them not to be safe. Narcissistic behavior are the abusive kind that wants someone to beat and control only about themself they don't care about the person's health. Yes, it's against the law to abuse its prison time for a abuser. Goodf Dom would wan't protect thier own keep it safe what best for thier health and mental health if they get ill or need to go the Er if one does not they not good for you at at all. But even sub looking for thier Dom healths also work together agree on things thier is a yes or no not just yes to everything time and place people still have to live thier life.
Don't go by sweet words they write bit more they won't to get a answer. Go by sweet effect and blue prints it must be shown. The hi hey sweetie does not work.
Go by growth don't chase or seek let things flow. Be selective but understand you not gonna find the right person in your main town gotta open more doors towns away and hours away and states away because or you gonna be waiting to long. Don't just wait create the life you want don't get bad cause not found it become the partner you seek.

I'mME • Jun 9, 2023

If one is looking at D/s or M/s, nothing should be rushed . PERIOD. Op, you used the word demanded, your Dom demanded you relocate. So y'all are in a dynamic? If not, why demanding anything?

Some people care about each other to our the hard work in making a good their relationship. They are the exceptions, not the rule.
Have you visited where they live? If not you may want to start there. And I'm not sure how someone here can suggest a Dom and sub moving in together ASAP.

That is lunacy, period.
If you did decide to move to them, some type of contract could be drawn up, stipulating in the event of things not working out, are they willing to set you up somewhere, pay your way back home with enough set up funds until you get back to work, or established?
I don't recommend you contemplate moving, until you go for a visit. Do you know where this person lives, the area? If you do know the area could you be happy there?

Those are things off the top of my head that

Nitrev​(dom male) • May 10, 2024

It's part of the overall structure honestly. If a submissive relies on their Dom/me for structure and wants to relinquish control and worry to them, as many do, does it make sense for the submissive then to be left in charge of the homestead? It's not impossible to live under your sub's roof, but I would say in most cases, the responsibilities of home ownership, bills, dues, etc. fall under the umbrella of responsibilities submissives want to defer to their Dom/mes where possible.

That's when it would be necessary to relocate to the Dom/me. Even if a Dom/me is willing to move to your community, by some circumstances that allow it, they would probably still be getting their own home for you to relocate to in order to own the homestead and have all responsibilities, bills, dues, etc in their name.

Aside from that, circumstances might not be ideal for the Dom/me to leave, not just if they are involved in their community or they would have to make a job change, but the logistics/affordability. I have a mortgage, the binds me to my house here, and I do not control the housing market. Do I sell low and have less money for a new home or God forbid lingering debt from selling at a loss because I have to sell prematurely? Do we put off for longer while waiting for the market to be up? These can make relocating less feasible.

Then how much does moving to your community alter my plans? In my next community I am seeking: higher tech compensation packages and market, a commuter rail into the city, good night life, etc. Depending on where I am asked to move, how much am I asked to sacrifice for somebody? And the same can be said of a submissive moving to their Dom/me, but if Dom/mes are usually tasked with leading their homes in the direction they believe best meets our goals, then shouldn't we realize that moving away from a community in which they would better thrive for someone, overall, makes it harder to achieve those goals?

And of course the same can be said of submissives, and sometimes it just isn't compatible if it doesn't make sense for either party to move, but it's better to establish that early and not waste time running into a dead end further down the road in my opinion.

It should definitely not be considered a red flag if a Dom/me wants to discuss or expects relo. Dom/mes are typically expected to be goal-oriented as well as competent, accomplished, established, and/or at least stable. Someone who has those qualities probably already has some assets in place, such as a house, that makes moving harder, and is already in a community that they thrive in if not planning to move to one, that helps achieve those goals. As always you move at your own pace and be careful with who you're agreeing to meet and vet thoroughly, especially when moving to their home

Ms MaryJane{NOT LOOKIN} • May 10, 2024

I would never demand a sub/slave to move to me. Though, I am very clear when talking with someone that if things work out and they don't live within an hour or 2 of travel time, I will not relocate. It isn't because I am trying to control or not be flexible. My career is very specific to this area. I would not be able to find work in my field outside of BC. So, for me that is a major factor when it comes to considering someone for an FLR dynamic.

Steellover​(sub male) • May 10, 2024

There was a time when I might have considered relocating to my dream domme but only under the right circumstances, and those circumstances would have to be:

- I've not only met her in person but visited and spent time with her in person many times, so we can both decide if the chemistry is there.
-My dominant-to-be lives in a location where I would see myself living. And that would have to mean access to outdoor recreation: mountains, forests and lakes or at least somewhere with scenery, along with decent nightlife, arts, music, culture. I would not wish to relocate to, for example, the plains of Oklahoma or the flat expanse of Florida, or even the beautiful yet isolated back-country of Alaska or rural Montana. (Easy, I'm not ripping on those places.)
-And, I knew I would be able to have a reasonable chance of landing a decent job in that new place.

Because, even at that time when that option was "on the table," moving anywhere for any reason, is a big step.

But it would be much harder now. 20+ years later, I have a house, job, friends, and deep ties to the community I live in. It would be much tougher to give all that up now, than it was when I was still basically a kid. But if I did, it would be because I met my "Dream Domme" here in my community and we both mutually decided on relocating together.

Miki​(masochist female) • May 11, 2024

I never knew anyone who "wanted to relocate" unless they were quite young and wanting to "get out of the house".

-----------


It might make the search harder but demanding a sub (or either side of the kink coin) to relocate is wrong. One must accept that long distance is a pain in the ass from the get-go, ask .. ASK if one wants to move and if not either deal with the limitations of long distance relationships-- or move on.

-----------

As oft stated but bears repeating as there are those who haven't seen or read my posts over the years: I was never and have zero intentions of entering any relationships, but if I were and someone demanded that I move from where I am, give up home, hearth, and job to venture into an unknown strictly governed by the guy's whims...

I'd quickly and unambiguously tell the dick-slinger to go fuck a duck.

Nitrev​(dom male) • May 11, 2024

Something else I notice in this thread is that a lot of people take issue with the word choice 'to demand' but admit that eventually moving in is a stipulation to having a dynamic. That's still a demand. If you're making it a necessary part of the exchange that someone lives with you, then you are demanding it.

And that's okay, it's entirely valid to have boundaries, terms, and demands for a relationship to work. The way in which you communicate them can be different: eg. how aggressive or not you are in discussing your terms how that reflects on how you might treat them in other situations or handle your own emotions/communication skills, but your relationship is still compulsory on a demand being met. Also, you can have that demand without rushing into it too. The keyword is eventually. No one should be rushed to it: it's a nigh-permanent, hard to undo decision, and one of the biggest concerns people should have is getting so far into the process and having someone move in and then they regret it and feel stuck. That's why it's important to take time to thoroughly vet, talk on videocalls, have plenty of visits, etc. before ever moving forward on relocating. But to know from the start where the other person stands on the idea at all, such as we're talking about here, can save everyone a lot of time knowing if the relationship is incompatible sooner than later.

Miki​(masochist female) • May 11, 2024

Aside from not digging on any relationships of any type, Hypothetically it would be strictly local. After all the grass is not really any greener on the other side, it only seems so to those into being adventurers.

If one embarks on an LDR then of course someone will have to move.. take the leap, hope the other isn't faithless and fickle or worse...

But what I said before stands, if ever I was into dynamics and all that, and demands (expectations not discussed prior or "outside the dynamic" where neither is in any roles except as human beings) .... And one partner, generally the dominant but some subs can be slippery, too... just pulls some expectation-- be it relocating or anything else -- out of their proverbial ass I'd tell such an individual who does that to go piss up a rope.

...again that's just me. It was a large driver as to why I only did casual one nighters or a "weekender" here and there, and only with people I know of and who live in my general area, and now several years on, I'm Not Looking, period.

Jaded I guess.