Wife wants a scene

zereaper • Aug 4, 2023

She is free use for me whenever and wherever as long as it's appropriate for the situation and she isn't working. Hence consent isn't really an issue. On the other hand recording anything is off limits for us both, we just don't like the idea.

Zedland​(dom male) • Aug 5, 2023

If I had to guess at her motives just from what I've read here? I would say that she wants to give up control completely, and beyond that make herself completely helpless without any real chance of reasserting herself. It is incredibly sweet that she trust you to that extent and it speaks well of you that are not willing to rush into anything you're not comfortable with.

If I'm right then maybe something involving a gag would be a smaller more manageable step you'd both find fulfilling?

LordofPain56 • Aug 8, 2023

Something about mixing BDSM and booze or drugs just doesn't seem like a good idea in so many ways.

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Aug 8, 2023

I think everyone else made some great points but I wanted to add something else for you to think about. First of all, I don’t think CNC like this should be done unless both parties are 100% into it. I’m glad to hear that you’ve decided to hold off. The other thought I had was that if you did decide to do this for your wife, afterwards you have a pretty good chance of having Dom drop, especially since you already have “this is wrong” feelings. She would be drunk and not able to reassure you afterwards that everything is fine and this was what she wanted.

Miki​(masochist female) • Aug 8, 2023

I have to add, after reading numerous posts and O P replies....

(Please remember that's what we're here for... The bulk of the population wants to help)

Ask her why she feels the need to be drunk to do these things?

That in and of itself is a signal that more communication is indicated.

Sasa​(dom female) • Aug 8, 2023

I heard the idea from more than one submissive. It sounds like a kind of rape game, just a "softer" level where one gives up any choice. As much as I understand it on one side, I wouldn't ever play with drugged people. Is she pretending to be helpless or does she want that? Anyway, talk with her. What is the idea behind it? If you don't feel good about it, talk and listen to your guts. All my good wishes for you both.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Aug 9, 2023

Regarding this:

"The thing is she wants me in complete control all the time and I'm working up to it. We've done "small" scenes before, some spur of the moment stuff, and she is free use to me. As far as why she wants to be drunk... she hasn't really explained."

If that is true, then it is entirely appropriate for you to lay down the rule that you are not comfortable with cnc when any alcohol or drugs are involved. Explain why. But stand firm. She either means she wants you in control, or she doesn't.

I'mME • Aug 9, 2023

Zereaper,

If you are her Dom, part of you domming her is hsvingbthese types of clothes on, sit down talks.

Maybe you could give her a task to write or journal thr reason she wants to be drunk. (or whatever it is that yall do in your relationship)

Just a thought.

SuperEight​(sub female) • Aug 9, 2023

Firstly, I'm glad you two have chosen to hold off on this idea since you're uncomfortable. Any scene (or any sexual activities) should involve enthusiasm and willingness from both parties. I'm also curious why she'd like to be drunk for this to happen. Does she want to feel completely under your control? Does she want certain senses to be dulled? Does she want to *feel* like she doesn't have a choice? If you find out the why, you can easily find safer alternatives than mind-altering substances. Blindfolds, headphones, restraints, role play, etc are just a few that come to mind to meet these desires.
Personally, I'd never mix alcohol with BDSM for a variety of reasons. To start, drunk people can't consent and even if this is something you agree to prior, how is she to revoke consent if you do something she decides she doesn't actually want to do? At best, I may consider this act CNC (and I still wouldn't even recommend CNC for someone new to BDSM). At worst, you're looking at an illegal act that can seriously harm the person you love.
In addition, senses become dulled when inebriated. You can easily become truly injured but not understand the full extent of it until sober. What if you were to accidentally cause a real injury and neither of you noticed?
Anyway, long story long, I think it'd be worth finding out exactly what your wife would like to feel during this scene and find safe ways to accomplish that. And no one needs to jump into the deep end, it's 100% okay to start "small" and work your way up. Find little acts that you're both comfortable with and build upon them.