Judgemental people

Steellover​(sub male) • May 30, 2021

As a submissive male into female domination, I have encountered many judgemental people, not so much on this forum (yet, so far...) but on other D/s, or BDSM/kink related forums, who look down on people like me as if we are some kind of degenerates.

I think the issue is that with all of us, there are things we are really turned on by, and things we are really turned off by, and this is true for both subs and dom(me)s as well. But the key is, and this is something even I, myself, have been working on, is not to look down on or judge people into the activities other people are into that you personally find "icky."

For instance, I find the whole "Daddy" thing to be a huge turn-off, for reasons I won't go into other than to say, it's just not for me. But I don't want to be the kind of person who looks down on women who are into that. In the same way, I am sure, many men (and women too) probably think a guy who liked to be tied up, cuckolded, spanked or penetrated by a plastic appendage wielded by a strong women, is some kind of gross creep, wimp, or someone with issues. Bottom line, I want to respect people who are into the things I am not into.

TheDean​(dom male) • May 30, 2021

Fuck other people, just do you

Kelpi • Jun 1, 2021

In the begining I found allot of people who judged me. Now I just make sure they are gone from my life. There are a very few who when they do judge me find that I can find out more about what is in their closet than they want God even knowing about.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Jun 2, 2021

Nuli,

In the world of judgment there are three types of people:
-people who believe they know much more than you.
-And people who really DO know much more than you.
_And people who km

No one ever promised anyone entering into this lifestyle that it was a judgement-free zone. In fact, I think the opposite is true. The greater the risks, the greater the judgment. People have lost careers, families, marriages. People have been killed. So yes, please do judge when you should. I beg you. Judge your audience before you blab your personal business to people. And if in general people respond strongly to what you tell them, maybe take it with a grain of salt and consider if there is real information in there. Or choose a different audience. Failure to gauge your audience as like-minded will get you attention you may not want.

See, I believe in judgment. I believe in assessment, discernment, evaluation, consideration, caution, and knowledge-based decisions or actions.

What I don't believe in is being mean for the sake of mean. Or knocking people down for believing differently. Or measuring a person's worth by the dress or suit size they take. I also don't believe in broken people side-stepping therapy and using this lifestyle as their instant wellness illusion while they go around and fuck others up.

People want to scream judgmentalism when the point of view is negative toward them. The person is harsh or unreasonable. Or just picking on them for no good reason. And at times, that is very true. Bullies get off on stepping on others. Insecure people get off trying to make you feel insecure. See, they can't feel tall unless they are climbing over bodies.

Those we'll call the first type of people.

Now the second type of people is your biggest worry. Because they have the training, knowlege, or real-world experience. So if you tell them - for example - that you like to get beaten until you pass out, they might judge that based on real information. And if you are talking to them, then they are talking to you. Even if you don't like what they are saying.

The third type? Those are the brave at a distance type. They have everything to say online, where you can't get to them. But face to face? Most can't have a two-way conversation. Most can't risk you punching them out. Most are bullies here because it is safe and costs them nothing. And they fail at everything in the real world, so they need this.

That is why we have block features. To shut them down immediately.
...................
It all comes back to... be mindful of who you share with. And if you are getting consistent shock and awe from unrelated people, maybe take a look at what they're saying, even if privately. And be more careful with whom you share. Keep vanillas out of your kink life. They won't understand and most don't want to anyway.

Once you put out information others are free to do with it what they want. We're all stuck are stuck with that. And if they are the second type of people who do know more than you, maybe they have a point. Even if you don't like it, again, consider it by yourself.

Finally, and my all-time favorite, when you call others judgmental, that is you judging them. See? Very sticky stuff.

I'm not really sure which is worse, those who judge wrongly or those who judge rightly. But I promise you, most people judge. It is part of our wiring and how we navigate safely. Or try to anyway.

But this lifestyle? Nope, not non-judgmental at all. Too many have gotten away with too much bad stuff by thinking anything they do is golden and ordained by the masses.

You don't have to have people in your life that don't support you, but I hope to hell you have at least one person who isn't in your dynamic who will tell you the truth. That is big stuff even when it is judgey.

H*

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Jun 2, 2021

oops no idea what I wanted to say here "_And people who km"

please disregard that part

BBWbutAlsoLittle​(sub female) • Jun 2, 2021

I know what you mean about Judgemental people, i actually just got called a waste of time and a bug because i told some guy that i wasn't a mean or stern Domme. So just because you aren't what someone wants they immediately have every right to insult and mistreat you?

I think not.

You shouldn't have to be judged by people or mistreated just because of who you are or what role you chose to be.


Best thing to do, especially on here, you feel negativity? block. block block block. You don't need that in your life.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Jun 2, 2021

BBWGoddess​(dom female)
"I know what you mean about Judgemental people, i actually just got called a waste of time and a bug because i told some guy that i wasn't a mean or stern Domme. So just because you aren't what someone wants they immediately have every right to insult and mistreat you?
I think not."
...........
Maybe we just need to stop seeing them as people. I think most of us have been verbally or in writing attacked for saying no to some random person who we didn't invite into our bubble and won't allow them to stay there.

When you decline someone and they act like that? They have confirmed your good taste. They are scum. And to let them hurt you in any way (no you didn't say that. But sometimes it can be very hurtful) you are giving them unearned power over you.

Aquarius Dom​(dom male) • Jun 2, 2021

People tend to judge what they fear whether that be people or acts !!

The more people learn and accept other people’s ideals and reasons for being how they are the less judgemental they become!!

There is an old saying “ Before you judge someone walk a mile in their shoes”

We don’t know what we don’t know, so please engage with people, explore them with an open mind ! You might actually surprise yourself and learn something!!

I Agree Mister Steel

SashhaStrange​(other female) • Jun 3, 2021

I would just like to say that I agree with you in this comment entirely in that, I choose to respect others and their kink preference and I appreciate the same respect. I’ve also been seeing ppl tend to be judgemental For things they do not understand, or are closed off to explore, I consider myself more open to hear ppl out on why they enjoy the things that they do, Bc u Nvr get to find what ur into if u are not open to the discovery of finding our pleasures, when you said “gross creep” I felt the need to allow you to know, ur not alone or ‘gross’ in any way, I find a man who enjoys a ‘strong woman’ : in those ways: very attractive, to say the least;) Thank you for sharing

Sasa​(dom female) • Jun 3, 2021

I wonder why people expect that we are less judgemental than everybody else out there. We have all sorts of people with our "special needs". Those who are highly educated; those who have to work three jobs to survive and never had the chance; those who don't want a chance; people who believe that all things they don't want or are able to follow are fake new; those who believe in conspiracy theories others here would just laugh about so hard that they start to cry. Of course people are "judgemental" ... everybody here thinks that their own idea off the world is the true one. If you are lucky they try their best. To a certain level we all stand on our molehills and explain the world to others, lol. We are humans.