Sasa(dom female)
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3 years ago •
Oct 24, 2021
Re: Would you give this all up? Banemus wrote: MistaJ wrote: No kinks, No fetishes, No munchs, No play parties, No poly or open relationships. I'm not even here for any of these elements. None of those has anything to do with the lifestyle. With all respect but the content refers to the dilemma of a person and some of us have been there. It is not about telling others what belongs to "THE" lifestyle and it is not about comparing us... at least in case, we want to be helpful. |
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Sanstar(dom male)
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3 years ago •
Oct 24, 2021
Yes I would give up the lifestyle. I enjoy bdsm, kinks, fetishes, etc but I don't have to have that to be happy. I am dominant, and always have been. That would never change. But I feel for me personally, I can still be in a vanilla relationship if I was with someone who I shared a great chemistry with even if it didn't include D/s.
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SubtleHush(sub female)
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3 years ago •
Oct 24, 2021
(MistaJ wrote:) "No kinks, No fetishes, No munches, No play parties, No poly or open relationships."
(Banemus​ wrote:) "I'm not even here for any of these elements. None of those has anything to do with the lifestyle." ................................. For YOU you mean Banemus. For many of us, they are ALL part of the lifestyle. If only as ways to meet and network with others and create long-lasting friendships. I have done that for over 20 years and many of those people are still dear to me and in my life. If I were to go vanilla, it would be a long hard decision that would include my lifestyle friends. This is an important topic because so many stumbles into vanilla and end up cheating on that person under the excuse of Ds needs. I call BS. Give it up or not, has to be for all the right reasons. |
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Banemus(dom male)
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3 years ago •
Oct 25, 2021
Yes indeed, I'm talking about what I view as the lifestyle.
All of those elements are just an added bonus to Me. |
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Sir'smisty(sub female)
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3 years ago •
Oct 25, 2021
I feel like the old lady of the group when I say I've seen, too many times, people leaving the lifestyle for a relationship with an amazing vanilla person, only for them to return a few years later.
If it's a nice-to-have, you can leave and not look back. If it's an expression of yourself, you'll always feel a need for more than vanilla. Either is fine, as long as you are self-aware. For me, I won't have a vanilla relationship again. |
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Morgein
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3 years ago •
Oct 25, 2021
Sir'smisty(subfemale) wrote: If it's a nice-to-have, you can leave and not look back. If it's an expression of yourself, you'll always feel a need for more than vanilla.
And I think this is the crux of the matter. For some of us, BDSM is a fun, kinky add-on that we can take or leave. For others, it's a common thread that runs throughout our life and relationships, intrinsic to who we are as a person. We can live without it, but we're not quite complete without it's expression. |
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Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker}
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3 years ago •
Oct 25, 2021
Banemus wrote: Yes indeed, I'm talking about what I view as the lifestyle.
All of those elements are just an added bonus to Me. But your ORIGINAL comment (comeback) was far different than what you are now amending it to say. In my 25 years experience I've found many people who identify as dominants tend to be careless with their words like you were. You were speaking of your own needs as though they are the same needs and motivations that others have and doing so in an arrogant manner. |
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TheDankLord(switch male)
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3 years ago •
Oct 25, 2021
Short answer for me is no I couldn't give it up. Its too much part of who I am.
Long answer is I can work with some sort of compromise where I give up things like being part of the local scene. I'm pretty discrete about my fetishes. I don't go to play parties and open relationships are not my thing. I go to munches and events sometimes but I'd be willing to give that up easily especially if its because I'm with an amazing person. But the kinks/fetishes part is less negotiable. BDSM is inseparable from my sexuality as a whole. I respect limits if there are specific things she's not into, if some of my fetishes are too extreme or just not her thing I can work around that and focus on fetishes she enjoys or wants to explore. I'd also be willing to be strictly dominant or strictly submissive if my partner is not a switch. But there's no way I could be with someone completely vanilla. |
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Steellover(sub male)
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3 years ago •
Oct 26, 2021
As far as being with a woman who is completely vanilla, honestly I am not sure I can either...but I would be willing to try. The hopeless romantic in me hopes and believes he would find a way to make it work.
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CSI
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3 years ago •
Oct 27, 2021
Actually seriously considering it atm. Or at least seeing what and who are out there "on the other side". I know that I would like to keep the lifestyle as an integral part of my life, but question whether I could be fulfilled without it.
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