Is it Ghosting when ....

Zelia • Oct 15, 2022

If anyone wants to sit back and message, message and message that’s their prerogative. My messages are off to save anyone the trouble. I was referring to people who messaged me when I first joined, and must be messaging people who appear on the online members list; the only reason they appear in my messages is because they have messaged before. Nobody else can message me.

If you send someone an initial message and it’s ignored that is not ghosting. That’s being ignored. Simple.

I don’t have an answer for anyone who wants to message everyone with the same one liner. Being ignored is a risk You run. Nobody is obligated to reply.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Oct 15, 2022

An often annoying (and off-putting) reality of online social communities is scammers. In my experience, scammers are often vague or will leave questions unanswered and that automatically sends up red flags for me.

It can be a hard call sometimes because some people just don't communicate well in writing. When i ask a question, and it doesn't get answered, the next time around i'll ask why that question didn't get answered. If i get another deflection and there's no other real substantial sharing, i start feeling like the person is a scammer.

In those instances, when i feel i've encountered a scammer, i'll just stop writing because i don't want to encourage or give them more to work with. my concern is, explaining to a scammer what they are doing wrong might aid them in becoming a better scammer. i know, weird, eh? But there are so many scammers out there it's as if they've become a normal part of online socializing that have to be dealt with.

Re: Is it Ghosting when ....

Chalybe​(dom male) • Oct 15, 2022

What you list in my experience indicates a fake profile and or scammer. I often see it combined with broken English and grammatical mistakes. Usually, asking a question about some aspect of the place they say they are from then leads to ghosting, they realize they have been recognized and quit responding. Street names, what is (location) known for, stated they are a realtor in a rural town of 600 people - I asked how does that work?
Wants to immediately change platforms to something that will give them more info like your phone number or email address. (Hint: Firefox now offers Firefox Relay so you can give them a phone number or email address that isn't yours and it will be relayed to you. )

chattel​(sub female) • Oct 15, 2022

The vague answers always suggested a lack of experience rather than scamming which I am sure happens more to men

quote="tallslenderguy"]An often annoying (and off-putting) reality of online social communities is scammers. In my experience, scammers are often vague or will leave questions unanswered and that automatically sends up red flags for me.

It can be a hard call sometimes because some people just don't communicate well in writing. When i ask a question, and it doesn't get answered, the next time around i'll ask why that question didn't get answered. If i get another deflection and there's no other real substantial sharing, i start feeling like the person is a scammer.

In those instances, when i feel i've encountered a scammer, i'll just stop writing because i don't want to encourage or give them more to work with. my concern is, explaining to a scammer what they are doing wrong might aid them in becoming a better scammer. i know, weird, eh? But there are so many scammers out there it's as if they've become a normal part of online socializing that have to be dealt with.[/quote]

Secret Mind​(dom male) • Oct 15, 2022

That isn't ghosting. As the person is still communicating with you. I see that more as "dodging the question". This means they have something to hide or are embarrassed and don't know how to answer the question.

For me, ghosting is when you have been talking with someone for over 2 weeks and they all of a sudden stop responding to you after 3 days. They left with no explanation. That is ghosting to me.
Yes, other factors can play a role in this. But that is the baseline of ghosting to me.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Oct 15, 2022

i suspect you are right. i'm an older gay guy and i think that puts a target on my back for scammers. It really can be disheartening because it happens so often, but it's not always immediately clear. For instance, some guys are obviously from another country and English is a second language, so that has to be factored in.

i recently was chatted by a guy who admitted English was not his first language. He pushed my emotional buttons because he was very romantic on the one hand, on the other hand, he lied right from the start. He put in his profile that he was in Texas, but was actually in Armenia. When i asked why he wrote in his profile that he was in Texas, he never answered, but told me all about relocating from Russia to Armenia. He kept sending pictures of him doing various activities like catching a fish, playing soccer, all normal stuff that gave the impression of him being real. He also was upfront about wanting to move to the US. Even though i was very clear upfront that i do not ever give money to guys on the internet or assist with relocation, he never responded to that, but did keep pushing my romance buttons by telling me how much he loved getting my emails and how connected he felt to me. That happened way to quickly and i could not see a reason why he would feel that way so fast, so had to decide if he was just projecting because of his own needs/desires or stroking my ego and manipulating my own needs/desires for romance. i stopped writing after i saw that he'd been removed by the moderator from the site where we met.
This happens to me frequently, in various forms.

From another angle, a guy contacted me on this site recently. He had a new and short (but somewhat informative) profile. His 'emails' were not really emails, but short, simple questions where he tried to get, but gave nothing in return, i share it below, it won't identify him in any way:

Him: Good Morning

me: Hello

Him: I assume you viewed My profile?

me: Yes, that's the first thing i do when someone contacts me.

Him: I see.

And what did you think after reading it?

i cannot share my last response because it could give away his identity to anyone who has read it. His profile was short so it was simple to go down the line and respond to what he had written. my response was along the lines of the questions reading his profile evoked in me, i.e. i explained that i "wondered" what he meant by this or that, what "constituted" things like worship or humiliation to him. All response to his profile.

i didn't hear back after that lol. i guess that qualifies as him ghosting me, but honestly he didn't put anything out there in the first place to where i felt someone of substance suddenly disappeared.

So, two very different examples. The first, probably an obvious scammer, yet he pulled on my emotional strings, so i felt an emotional loss even though my rational mind screams "SCAMMER." The second guy seems 'real' to me, but not someone who wants to give as well as he gets. He didn't establish any connection from the start, so i didn't really feel a loss when he stopped contacting me.

chattel​(sub female) • Oct 15, 2022

I moved from Tampa to Chicago when COVID started and left it as Tampa on my profile for a long while as I had expected to go back. The three different countries is another matter entirely and certainly deserves a high degree of suspicion.

acquiesced​(sub male) • Oct 15, 2022

Ghosting is a product of the digital age. When one person simply stops responding, without the courtesy of an explanation as to why, or without a request to not be contacted again. Ghosting can happen because we rely on instant technology to communicate, and the same tech provides means and methods to ghost. Blocking, deleting, changing profiles, etc., and including just not responding. These are all methods to ghost someone.

The length of time that you have been communicating, whether it's one message or 20 years together (yes, it happens), doesn't matter.

Just because it's easy doesn't mean it's right. And it speaks to one's character.

Re: Is it Ghosting when ....

I'mME • Oct 15, 2022

Chattel,
No I'm not the one who will hold your hand. I would rather empower you to listen the yourself and learn to make good decisions in this lifestyle .


I'm sorry my dear but that is called possible gaslighting. Those examples you wrote out at the very least is someone who doesn't respect you enough to answer your questions.

Ghosting is just a term for someone who does not have the balls or ovaries to tell you anyone of these things choosing instead to just drop off contact. That's it.

I got what I wanted and now I am done with you.

I am married and my partner caught me.

I do not respect you.

You are beneath me.


The examples you wrote hon out, could be early signs that they will ghost you.
I hope you will protect yourself and not have anything to do with this thing online.

Let me ask you this,
If you were in a class or on the job and asked a direct question and you were ignored what would your thinking be?

(that's what it's called, someone who claims to want to get to know you, has indicated something along those lines will not answer a question)

Here is another way to look at it that you may relate to.
You are out with a couple friends, they are playing a game of pool and you are in a discussion at the bar with someone who you are vibing with. Chemistry flying all around and yet you start to notice that they do not answer direct questions.

What does that inner voice tell you?

It's there, right now, listen to it.

How does this person make you feel by not answering questions.
Does it make you feel low in spirit? Why would someone who seems to like you behave in a man er that makes you feel like that?

Have they indicated that you have done something wrong or should not be asking?

WHY would you work on trusting someone or God forbid letting someone tie you up that will not answer a question..

Please give my questions some thought, I know you are a grown up. Listen to that voice that is already trying to keep you safe.

They are a loser.

Chalybe​(dom male) • Oct 15, 2022

In the spirit of equality, I have to tell you being gay has nothing to do with it. I've been bombarded with Venezuelan women of late.