In Need of a Community Voice and Opinion

In Need of a Community Voice and Opinion

Phanes​(dom male) • Nov 26, 2018

Once again I find Myself writing about a subject that I have come to know about in a way too personal level and has been one that has become a lightning rod for many discussions for many who has lived and/or is currently living with now!!

I have dealt with this ugly side of people on a personal level in a relationship and have addressed it privately with many who have come to Me with their own stories of abuse, who are living in this darkness of their past or current relationships; seeking a listening ear or advise. I feel a personal responsibility to act as a voice and a vanguard for those who may be living such abuse now; who’s voices may be silenced out of fear of being shamed, threatened by the abuser to not say anything in fear of more severe abuse if they do speak up, those who have lost their self-value after being broken down mentally/physically after being belittled and/or beaten, or because of misplaced feelings toward an abuser!

Over the past month, Myself and others in the community have been talking to someone who is known to many of U/us in here; who finds herself in such an abusive relationship. Although they don’t currently live together, they have developed an unhealthy online relationship and have had a couple of real time meetings that certainly most of U/us in the community would define as extremely abusive. This abuser is also well known within the community; however W/we are blessed he doesn’t frequent the chatroom very often but the one time I did see him in there, it was clear to Me that he is a real narcissist, no regard for the well-being of the women he is victimizing, and is using his so-called title as a dominant/sadist to prey on those who he lures to him with false promises and pretending to be who he isn’t.

In talking to this wonderful woman whom has a good heart and is looking for her “One” has describe her journey with this person. It is one that is all too familiar to Me and those of you who are or has lived the life of abuse; mentally and/or physically!! He is one who begins the journey making promises whereas his victims feel safe in the beginning as he lures them in. He is one who once he gains their trust then brings out his true ugly colors. First he goes to isolate the person he is victimizing; taking away their voice; forbidding them from posting their experiences on the site that he feels would shed the truth of who he truly is; not allowing this person to express her feelings whether good or bad. He also doesn’t abide by any limits that were discussed between them. He has taken this person into the two sessions whereas his only goal within them is to inflict pain onto her beyond her capability. When she alerts him that she can’t take anymore, he shames her to the point where she feels she has failed him and this further breaks down her self-esteem. She asked him to give her time to build up her pain tolerance in her attempt to appease him in wanting to give him what he sees as his right to inflict the pain he feels she should take from him; however when she does, he gets frustrated and upset with her in even asking for that time. He constantly hears her desire to want to please him out of the love she has for him during text/voice conversations but he continually dismisses her concerns and asking for his patience; he proceeds to belittle her, saying she should accept the beatings he wants without any excuses!! He also finds pleasure and power where he will disappear and not talk to her days on end; knowing how it affects her; only to cause more doubts in herself and the mental torture that can be to some. She knows deep down what he is doing to her is wrong; but even with the sound advice and reasoning as to why he is not a good person with good intentions; she is struggling in accepting what is being told/advised to her out of her unearned and misplaced love for him.

In My opinion, I see this person is not worthy of being in a community such as O/our’s. He is an abuser, who does not show any sense of care, nurturing, or concern of those he lures into his sick way of thinking! I believe W/we as a community have to be that voice for those who fear to speak for themselves, who find themselves trapped in a relationship that causes them such mental and physical harm from those who obviously don’t care what damage they do to those who fall victim to him. I am asking for the opinion of those in the community to speak up in both on the removal of this person from O/our community and to give Y/your supportive words that may speak louder to the one I been speaking of in this post; in hopes in her being able to hear O/our concerns about this person and that she deserves better.
I ask the powers to be of the site to read this forum and the responses that will obviously follow after posting this and consider if this person should be removed from the site in wanting to protect those from predators such as him. If so, message Me and I will gladly pass you his nickname!

Know this all too well...

KittySunflower​(sub female) • Nov 26, 2018

Phanes that was my life. Omg!!! But all irl. I feel for her but I also fear that even if said 'dom' is removed will that help end her contact with him? I know it took me years to figure out my value and worth and break free of his lies and mind play. Reason I will never go back to 24/7. Not unless it's real and long term. I understand getting him out but will that stop from creating a new profile and help her get back the power she lost.
If any woman/subs need anything please let me know *hugs*

Shiro​(sub female) • Nov 26, 2018

Someone care to message me this person's username? I'd like to avoid them if at all possible.

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Nov 26, 2018

As someone who has been there, she doesn’t believe that she’s being abused. Tested and trained, maybe, but not abused. Even if he got booted off this site, they would continue their relationship.

The best thing to do is to wait until he gets bored with her. They always do, you know. Be there for her when she gets discarded and help her to find a way back into the light.

Phanes​(dom male) • Nov 26, 2018

I know this is not a cure all of all cure alls and there is no promise that in kicking him off here that she will be free of him; in fact I doubt it would. But My point of view is that W/we have someone in here who is taking advantage of those who may not believe in themselves and fall victim to his ways. I see this community as one who doesnt believe in someone who looks to hurt those who may fall into his hands. But what I am trying to do is have the community to speak in a louder voice whereas she may finally hear what concerns W/we all may have of his actions and work up the courage and come to terms this is not right and if she feels she is being mistreated to walk away!

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Nov 26, 2018

Dude. Don't. You are on the edge of getting booted from the site for some fucking White Knight shit. Get off the horse and run in the opposite direction.

Other people's pain is not your flag to wave on your crusade, no matter how righteous.

You've been warned.

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Nov 26, 2018

We should all be there for each other point blank...

If you saw someone beating the shit out of someobe else on the street. Would. You not try to help in some way. ?????

I dont think it is a white knight thing its a human being thing. Seriously because someone sayes hey i know this is going on , and its not right. and tries to be a decent person. To be there for them and have them see a strong network is there also

Look i lived that life for 13 yrs. And maded all the excuse s for why it was happeningand how he wasnt a bad person.

But it took having a support network of ppl , professional help. For me to get out.

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Nov 26, 2018

None of that means waving someone's pain in public. Phanes is over sharing what he doesn't have the right to. There are better ways of support. Wonder if his 'they' mob has actually emailed any of the parties involved personally. Probably right to the pitchforks, though.

WickedLeo​(sadist male){F.E.A.R} • Nov 26, 2018

well interesting post... i am presuming this is about myself and missub.. i clear see you dont understsnd what a sadist or masochist is, or what they feel or the truma that has been caused to become who we are.. i am address this blog because i dont believe in railroading anyone ( this is the equivilent of "shes a witch, burn her" and no defense) it is clear that only one side is being said. phanes i l know about what just recently happened to you, and i know it is hard to be used and betrayed like that.
all the emotion invested and such. to those judges whom this blog is meant to enrage... i have always been completely honest with miss, and straight up front, i have not lied to her.. i dont take my title lightly i know who i am and what i want... i have told her before to walk away as you put it.... she has said her feeling are her feelings and that she cant help it sh3 loves me... so the question is she knows and i know she is uncapable of supply the i desire, but she still stays... am i keeping her, or is she staying... am i to be dishonest and save her feeling or do i remain honest and cause more damage... i am not misleading anyone you can ask all i spoken to i give it exactly like i see it... so are we to box everyone in to whom they are.. you know identity segragated amd say this group is bad because we dont understsnd them, or this group is good because they want everyone to umderstamd them... i thoughy this was a version of kink shaming... i dont pray on anyone... i only look for those that are looking for me... and if i see that it isnt compatable i tell them... i dont like putting my business out there because it is just drama, and i hate it... this isnt an argument, or a disrespect to phanes... her just went through something and i have no idea of thr full details so i wish not to presume.... but he wrote this because he was trying to protect someome he deeply cares about snd possibly wants... and the best way to get her is to get ride of me.... just tell her how you feel if thst is the case.. dont wait... she is a good woman and has a big heart...and if anyone think being a sadist is fun think again, i hurt everytime i need what i need... and imagine the opposite for a masochist... how could they be addicted to the pain to feel normal... why cant sadist snd masochist be normal people... instead of a mystery and unable to be heard or understood.. i have helped many, and live many experiences.... just felt is their is an accusation that a voice need to be in defense for balance... those who know me, have spoken with me, i am blunt and bold.. doesnt make me a narsassist, or a monster. i am confident, and a man... i didnt show one set of colors and then another set... why, i told her from day one what my expectation were for the person i wanted to be with... and technically when she amd i stsrted talking she just wanted advice.. then she decided to open up to me.. if yall have any question i am more than happy to answer them... and you can verify what i am saying my story is always the same...i will give ya long list of people whom know me... i cause 0% harm, unless consented... i am no predator, nor and abuser... ok so there is my defense... this isnt a debate just thought a counter should be present so the witch isnt burnt with out some sort of defense or proof... have a wonderful day... and just so everyone can see... miss please walk away i am not keeping you anywhere...

WickedLeo​(sadist male){F.E.A.R} • Nov 26, 2018

i havent received any inquiries... they are welcome to