Feeling Alone. (Little Vent)

Not because it's Valentine's Day, I wish the best for everyone. I've been feeling lonely and stressed in general, I hope meeting a friend or someone more. I am not good at talking to people, so awkward and quiet, probably end up venting. I'm sorry, I will delete this if necessary. Thanks for reading, Happy Valentine's Day.

I understand your feelings. Just know that we all are here for you and if you need to talk or vent click on message and say hello then let it out. I am older (maybe not much wiser) but I will listen and never judge. Never delete your feelings even if just a rant.

The more ppl you know, the better chance you have of having someone you trust to chat with. Till then you have the whole site to chat with, depending on the subject at hand. I always look foward to chatting with new ppl

today was supposed.to.have been a joyous day. All i did was cry or.stop myself from crying. Dont ever apologize for.how.you feel. As I read your post, I couldn't help but cry. I send you love and ((HUGS))

Please do not ever say you will delete your post (because that is in essence who you are/feeling today)

Heck, I didn't even know it was Valentine's day, lol.

@NerdyPanda

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY ?????❣️

YOU MATTER
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
YOU ARE STRONG

(I'm EST, and just made it with 2 min to go)

You might mean well, but this is biased.

Why do they matter? You're tossing out a statement with no reason given. I will say they matter to ME, but I have my own reasons. To the person on my right, that person might not care.

They are not beautiful in my eyes. I see ugliness that they are showing. I have yet to see the beautiful side. I'm sure it's there even if I have yet to see it. Which brings us to the following.

They are not strong. They are weak. They are complaining about how lonely they are and do not know how to establish good communication skills, and even stated as such. They struggle, and their post is a cry for help. Only in accepting this weakness can it be turned into strength.

Calling out the weaknesses of others is how I get them to do what I want and established agreements. After we state the situation for what it is. And I need other to do the same with me if I am weak and making excuses and wallowing in self pity and only being sorry about everything.

What you say is what you say. Why be sorry about it?

If you are weak, you are weak. You might "Feel like a burden". But people will either accept you for who and what you are or not. If the do not then that'son them. Not you.

Being sorry doesn't change a situation. Establishing a course of action changes the situation.


I can vouch for this. What's more, people wil be difficult quite often and need to be challenged. Not coddled. If you show nothing but weakness and only say sorry, it is weakness. What's the solution to a situation?

The first step to take is to establish awareness and honesty above ALL else. Without awareness people don't know the situation they're in. HURT people if you have too. The truth can do that. You get to the good THROUGH the bad.

After that, it's a matter of forming agreements and ensuring people have a choice. If someone tells me "not interested", I then go "We lack context. It's about what you don't know". Or point out "We haven't discussed the details of this activity. How can you know?"

If someone is being indifferent, I point out apathy will not save them. I constantly and dogmatically pursue the topic until I get a straight answer. Straight answers is all that keeps people sane and leads to awareness which in turn can lead to forming agreements.

If someone wants me to leave them alone after they assumed the worst, I pursue them to the ends of the earth until the truth and honesty is established. THEN I might do things their way. But until they make it about me, I have no reason to do as I am told. You do not get what you want after mistreating me. Treat me better and maintain an open line of communication at all times and THEN we can discuss how I always do as I'm told provided certain conditions are met (open line of communication at all times, basically). It's THEIR sanity, safety and happiness I have in mind. And I always give full and fair warning (provided I get a word in).

There's more to it. Like observing accurately without assuming. I know danger when I see it. I know excuses when I hear it. And I warn and correct them. As well as hypocrisy. I will give full and fair warning but it's your choice. Just remember that I warned you when my observation turns out to be accurate. And if your assumptions are proven inaccurate that means my judgement is the one that can be trusted. I'd rather you observed accurately and will teach that. To keep us both safe and lead to more fun things.

I also don't stand for genrealized labels or being friend zone. It's often an excuse to hold back and not be specific/clear about the details of our interactions (same can happen with sub). The context must be discussed or their is no agreement about them.

I know various people and the same approach always works. No matter how hard times have been beforehand. We look at each other and we say we make each other happy. Sometimes they're easy gong and never assume or doubt. Statistically however, in a world full of people with issues and doubts, you're more likely to come across someone that needs convincing. It can seem like it's not worth it when someone is closed minded and toxic to the extreme. In reality, if you toss in the towel and stopped trying, you didn't find out. It is always worth it if you get keep trying and keep fighting for the truth (provided you do establish that properly). It only seems impossible beforehand. But a lack of effort does not get results. Effort gets results.

You might feel weak. Tired. You might want to curl up and cry. I've had those moments too. Then after I sleep it off I go DING! I am going to focus on what I CAN do and how to make the best of the situation I'm in. 9/10 times, I can make this CHOICE the moment I get out of bed. The 1/10 exceptions are when extremely toxic bad things happen. I've talked to enough people to know the patterns of things. In these times, I might need a day or two to get my head on straight. It happens. Accept that times like that will happen. That you will get hurt.

Conflict WILL happen. It can NOT be avoided. Attempting to do so makes it linger. Pretending a problem goes away by pretending it doesn't exist does NOT work. Even if you don't see that person again, you still take your intolerance (and possibly assumptions) with you. Do everything in your power to make sure whoever you are facing is aware of this.

And if conflict must happen (and it will), get through it QUICKLY. Present options. Which might comes across as "deciding for them". Make sure you avoid going "You have too" or "We should". eg: Don't speak for others. But if you know something with 100% certainty (and you MUST be certain) then you can go "We both know you're what you complain about". And then say why.

Focus on forming agreements and presenting options. Suggest fun things to do after a serious talk. No matter how unpleasant the current moment might be. At first, conflict may be unattractive. This could last for a while.

However, if you get the hang of it, and REALLY get a knock for it, you can enjoy the conflict. Making the best from the worst and quickly and immediately moving on the moment intolerance is shown. Provided there isn't a misunderstanding or inaccurate assumptions being made. For example, someone might slap someone across the cheek for not feeling accepted about something. Then they will IMMEDIATELY revert back to fun and pleasant. Or/and cuddling or loving. It's a quickly moving on thing. Later on the person that showed intolerance enjoyed what they were concerned about. Oddly enough without talking about it. Things happened. It ended up that way. Opportunity was there. Seizing the moment. They had fun. I had fun. But if you need to talk about something, talk about it.

The above is something if a "Learning to start bouncing back from the worst" situation. Eventually, once you've done that enough times, it can even lead to enjoying the pain inflicted on you, provided it's with full awareness and positivity. control pain and suffering and you can turn it into pleasure. Doesn't go away by trying to ignore/avoiding it. I've always embraced and accepted the worst. felt every worst moment without using crutches or medication. This means I know the absolute worst. I believe it is for this reason that I am able to get the results I do. Because I allow myself to feel the worst, accept it for what it is. And then do something about it. Brain/body chemicals change, shift and flow based on everything we think say and do. If you are a negative person, you will "Feel negative". Which is your brain/body chemicals. If you do positive, you feel positive. Again, your brain/body chemicals. People might say "Unbalanced chemicals". I say "That's nature" and that if I get caught with my pants down and don't have those coping pills on hand, how will I be prepared? Considering I never take medication, in the rare moments I'm a mess in a corner (of which used to be common in the past) I can hold on to logic and responsibility without taking sides. My emotions do not cloud my judgement. They used too of course, but learning the hardest way possibly has lead to no longer being biased and taking sides. It doesn't matter how I feel about you. Or you to me. What's the LOGIC of the situation? And are you planning ahead or getting "trapped" in your current feelings instead of trying to make good things happen when you make excuses?

Basically, what I'm saying here is that some people (maybe a lot even) will get "trapped" in their "current situation". Be it bad or good. And not use their brain to do something about the situation they are in. When I face someone with issues, I ask them this. "Do you want to wallow in the mess that you are, or do you want to DO something to reduce negativity and have more fun?" People that feel "trapped" or "Content as they are" often make excuses to not make the effort to have fun with others. The former knows they have issues. The later might actually have them when you push them hard enough. When they pretended to be perfect. The person that acted "content" is actually selfish and thinking of themselves over others. I vew them to be the MORE dangerous one.

Someone that has issues and says they avoid conflict yet faces you when you challenge them, is not matching their words. But hypocrisy isn't such a bad thing if it's positive. I affect you. You affect me. Listening and understanding keeps damage and negativity at a minimum while focusing on fun and happiness. We both get what we want. We tell each other we make each other happy.

If you're the kind of person that avoids others for having issues/problems, you're a hypocrite that uses your own issues to shit on others and treat them like they don't matter when they're human. IMO. It's the evasive people that are weak and intolerant. I might still love someone like that (once we talk things out). But please, don't pretend to be stable and strong if you're that weak, evasive person that can't handle it. Especially if you have trust issues or/and are suicidal. Projecting a little. Example. There's a LOT of people like this. And they're more likely to threaten and endanger your sanity and mental well being because of easily turned backs. Any other situation can be worked through quickly (with the right approach) due to continued communication. And personally, I do not let people get away with hurting me and acting like they can get away with it. Facing the conflict leads to awareness and honesty. This leads to agreements. This leads to happiness. The ends justify the means. And all this time the misunderstanding could have been cleared up in 5 minutes if the other person had listened the first time.

Moral of the story is a simple one. Be wary of those that don't listen to your (or others) thoughts/opinions. This is the number one factor towards mental instability. "Deaf ears and turned backs". And often, people don't even see the harm/damage they cause. You ARE responsible for it. Just as much as I am. If someone complains about how they don't want to deal with it, they're in denial and being unrealistic. If you don't believe me you can ask a professional about the matter. Some people simply want to pretend they're not responsible. The truth is we do affect everything around us at all times. And everyone. The truth is you are still the real you even if you want to "escape". But you can't just stop being yourself. Nor can I. Focus on the good times, sure, but turn a blind eye to the bad and you dig your own grave.

That's a lot to take in, I now. But it all establishes how to approach some situations while presenting some kind of idea about how to challenge others when they make excuses or are in denial. Which, when pointed out, may be why they end up loving you. We all need to be challenged. Because there are times we simply can not trust our own judgement alone. Even I know this. However, someone with trust issues claiming they can only trust themselves does not know this. Make of that what you will.

NerdyPanda​

Most people, even shy or introverted people need others around. The variable is usually how much they have that need.
At this time, a year into Covid, many people are struggling with depression and sadness. Holidays just seem to make that bigger.
So you are not alone in that.

I've heard some people post that
-they grocery shop for neighbors.
-Check in on seniors near them.
and generally try to be of service to others in worse situations.

On Fetlife there are many zoom meetings and chances to sit and talk with others even if on camera.
Also, there are discussion groups for shy and introverted people. So, others there may have ideas to help you get through this.

I find it helpful to keep to a routine. Get up, shower, make the bed, etc.
I get out and walk at the store, ours are not very crowded so I can keep away from others.

Just keep moving and make peace with things taking longer than normal.
And we are here so keep posting. People probably understand more than you realize.
..............

Taramafor​ when will you realize that not every post is an invitation for you to go off on a self-serving rant?
This post wasn't about you and you didn't need to slap at anyone who offered the OP a little positivity.

Enough already.

@Taramafor

I saw your incessant, circling at 6am this morning. The top of my head lifted and one of my aliens escaped which is why I waited till now to give you of a few things and I just now decided to take it easy on you and here is why). I am an Empath and I see behind your words. While I will not put out what I know to be true about what's going on in your world, rest assured that I do KNOW. Do not even go there, bc I am not the one to coddle you, in order to spare your feelings because that would mean you are weak, No? I have been down many roads, been around many blocks. While everyone is allowed an opinion, they should tread carefully how they express that opinion.
I give everyone the same start off position, no matter what,when, where they originate from. (I read your profile thoroughly when you posted something on another topic)

You ready!!! Rhetorical.

You say I am biased. In what manner is that ? Because I am a female, a human, what makes me biased ? Please clarify that point.
I already know what was in your head, though you did not have the cajones to put it in print. Or maybe you could not keep your thoughts clear from the time it took you to write that.


I may well get kicked off this forum, meh, while I do like to feed my voyeuristic side and I have chatted with some pretty decent folk, I have been kicked out of many places.

I deal in truths, am a realist. I have come a long way, but have a lot further to go in life, I am a lifelong learner, a sponge if you will.
When it comes to humans and my Empath abilities, I am not the hand holding kind, the door mat kind to put it another way.

Let me preface this next part with.
In no way do I think that the sweet OP is suicidal, depressed, a danger to herself. I have been around suicidal people, I first dealt with it as a young girl. My best friend's dad committed suicide in their master bath, blew his brains out. (we were like 2 families mixed with each other)
This man taught me to water ski, he made us late night snacks after picking us up from skating. I am 51 yo and can still remember like it was yesterday me and ABC (privacy) going into their bathroom, looking at the blood (maybe some brain matter) in the grout, you see the cleaners were not able to get it all cleaned up.

I was 12 years old.

Maybe the greatest love of my life committed suicide when I was 32 yo. That is another take for perhaps another time.
Me, I would never, ever commit suicide. I would rather stay around and wreak havoc in that loving way that I havez than deprive the people whom I have in my life and those still to come. Hell I am just getting started.
But not everyone is like me, some have not found their voice yet, or the stuff that will strengthen their core.
I think the OP was quite courageous (not weak like your BS post would suggest, that is called transference by the way) coming on a forum and admitting that she was feeling a bit down. I meant every word that I spoke and it came from my heart.

I stand for people who, for whatever the reason at that time, can not stand for them-self. (complete strangers even). It's not my job to fix people,and yes I have gotten stabbed (metaphorically) many times. I almost let my heart be completely frozen over, which would make this world just a bit darker.

The little bits of light that are all around us is what keeps me from becoming completely and 100% cynical and most likely what has saved your behind from being completely and utterly torn to shreds today.