What is YOUR hard limit?

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • May 17, 2021

Dan,

I apologise for the delay but life got away from me.

My question for you is, if your sub is let's gagged and changing their mind is not an option, how do you manage the unexpected? How are they able to communicate "Hey! That's beyond my pain tolerance level? Something is wrong! Please, adjust my mask? I can't breath but don't want to stop?"

And what happens if there is something more emotional going on that was unknown or unexpected? How is that managed?

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate the learning, even if it's beyond MY personal comforts.

BikerDan​(other male) • May 17, 2021

It takes experience to know how a sub is coping if they are hooded, bound and gagged at the time.
As an professional engineer with Autism, I risk-assess the activity and always watch and listen to what's happening with the sub and can adjust the activity depending on it's reactions.

With pain play, it is important to remember that the sub can vomit with unusually excessive pain, and this has to be accounted for especially when using gags, gasmasks or breath control. When doing any breath control activity, I also fit a pulse oximeter to the sub for the duration as an extra safety measure.

As far as emotions go, a sub of mine can be as emotional as it likes and it wont change a thing once I start.
I've had subs crying and screaming (muffled) and one even had a panic attack during the proceedings, but it won't stop me unless I consider the sub to be at serious risk of physical injury.

I have never caused unintentional injury to a sub in over 30 years of BDSM activities.

LordofPain56 • May 17, 2021

I'm a sadist, but there are many things I refuse to do.
I will not engage in anal sex and do not allow to have oral performed upon me, but I may perform oral upon her. Yeah, I know, double standard. That's tough.
Face slapping is not allowed, but she may be subjected to spanking, belting, flogging of ass, belly and breasts. Whipping with any type of single tail whip is not allowed, too dangerous. Breaking the skin is forbidden. I have some mean floggers that really hurt but don't break skin or make whelps even when swinging with great force. And I tend to swing with force because I am a sadist. Punching the face is forbidden, I believe it is as disrespectful as face-slapping. That's just my opinion and it is my rule. Light belly punching while in suspension bondage is permitted during adult playtime but never as a punishment. No punishment shall ever be administered in anger. There is always a cooling off period before punishment.
Scolding is permitted, but verbal abuse using degrading language or name-calling is strictly forbidden. The purpose of scolding in my rulebook is to teach and to help the sub remember the lesson as well as show how much her transgression has disappointed her Master!
Verbal humiliation either in private or in public are forbidden as I believe this is disrespectful and not helpful in teaching a lesson. If she is the type that thinks being hanged by her wrists with a spreader bar between her ankles is humiliating to her, so be it. I shall not only do that, I may whip her harshly while she is helpless and vulnerable.
Sharing of partners is forbidden. Anything beyond monogamy is unacceptable.
It is not allowed for her to use toys on herself. It is MY job to give her pleasure. She can wait for me.
Many people talk about crazier things such as scat, incest, bestiality, mutilization, etc. I don't feel the need for any of these things and don't experiment far from my norm. But I'm an old world Dom who values chivalry and tradtional gender roles. A dying breed.

ThisIsTheWay​(dom male) • May 18, 2021

Face slapping, I think is one hard limit, I probably have others that I haven’t discovered yet

CRlondon​(dom male) • May 18, 2021

So I'm part of a no limit dynamic which means technically I can do anything but in practice I make sure nothing happens that can land either of us in prison or hospital which i think is pretty lovely of me

SubtleHush​(sub female) • May 22, 2021

There will be differences between people who just like the play and those in relationships. You will also find that male and female subs often have differences in how extreme they want things. Timer-in will also be a factor. I also don't believe in soft limits. Soft limits are changeable and make the top type think he can push any limit. Hard limits for me are not pushable by him. I may ask to approach that barrier but he doesn't get to surprise me.
..............
My Hard limits:

No unprotected sex until we are tested together (and see our results together) and monogamous
No sharing, No face slapping, No verbal humiliation, No degradation
No drug users or smokers
Must like women first
No crude, disrespectful behavior of me or others
Basically, I like intelligent, evolved Dominants, who have handled their old business. They are usually gentlemen who are strong and in control.

No bigots, ignorant folk, racists, doomsday folk, etc.
..............

I should add that there is a big confusion with limits. When people say that they are long-term and have no limits it means that they are so cohesive in their dynamic that they want or don't want the same things, so the idea of a limit fades away. Or neither wants a certain thing like wearing diapers so that doesn't exist for them. More than they have no limits is that they have the same ones.

In my relationships, we got to a point where limits weren't a concern for this reason. I would not deny him anything but he would never ask of me something I'd have to deny.






In-Play:

No cutting, piercing/needle play.
No breath control,
No punching, kicking, or what I would consider violence.
Absolutely no rape play or race play ever.
I'm not a good fit for serious sadists
Bondage is cool but not to the point of purple and black skin.
No permanent marks unless we are going the long haul. such as tattoos,
No branding. No sounds.

Sasa​(dom female) • May 22, 2021

- Never ever slapping the face, head is holy
- Degrading over a certain level
- blood play
- hand spanking ... I have tiny hands and I would hurt myself, lol.
- broken skin is not something I enjoy, it may happen by accident.
- breath play is too dangerous

There is more, next to the stuff we all would agree to, but it is floating. We still learn eachother and test what we want. I avoid what doesn't feel healthy for me, for my mind, but it is changing. We talk and enjoy, and if something doesn't work we leave it with respect for those who want it. He is my treasure, this is a journey of two people. It's about deepening a bond, tools or ways are secondary.

puni puni mochi​(sub female) • May 23, 2021

My hard limits as a sub are at times incongruous with my kinks.

For example, I HATE being called a whore/slut/bitch. I love being degraded and humiliated during playtime (hell, I’m a boot-worshiper), but for whatever reason those words make me cringe. I do enjoy being addressed like “toy”, “pet”, etc.

-Breath control
-Piss/Scat
-Anal plugs
-Untested partners (we both need to be tested before copulation)
-Fisting

My hard limits are rather standard, I’d say.

Lyfessield​(sadist male) • May 23, 2021

My hard limits I find hard to administer basically involve the things I'm not sure I can do safely even without being in domspace. You can do choking safely if you don't get carried away, you can use ropes safely you just gotta learn how. But needles are something that's really hard to control. I guess I'm just not good on blood. Even taking precautions it gets infected too easily.

I also have a hard time degrading. My partner would be my little angel that ironically enough I feel like I should protect

Sir Observing​(dom male) • May 30, 2021

My hard limit is the hard limits of the submissive. but i am not interested in hurting beyond pain is pleasure.