Men, what you need to know.

SweetSirRendering​(sub female) • Nov 19, 2021

i’m not if this conversation can help anyone through their own struggles . it helped me recognize the insidious shame i was carrying.

Dom Pinnacle​(dom male) • Nov 19, 2021

"I do feel like I need to add that I agree if your submissive has indicated she wants to lose weight and get healthier it’s perfectly appropriate for her Dom to help her in this. " - Butterflies

This is basically what I've been talking about. I mentioned that many people are just lazy and don't wanna put in the work. That is a fact. But when i brought in making my sub accountable is where people took it personally.

People! I would never just badger a woman about her weight. I don't consider that healthy, constructive, or helpful. If I am healthy, in decent shape and became obese, there's no way I would expect my lady to stay with me happily. I AM accountable for everything I do and say. But sometimes people see red and no amount of reasoning can calm them. Like my mother would say, "that's a personal problem."

I also understand that a person can be overweight their whole life and be healthy. As long as you and your man/woman is good with it, no one else should care.

Wow Everyone!

Gaiawolf​(sub female){RogueWolf} • Nov 20, 2021

So I started this thread because I felt attacked by a man telling me my very real medical issues were not relevant to weight loss.
It was meant to show my "issue" maybe if I had said vulnerability it wouldn't have turned into what it did.

So let's summarize,
Men think they know how to "help" a woman get the body "she" wants. I say "she" like that because 99.9999999999% of the time it's not what she wants it's what she knows he wants so to please we do it.

Women know that hormones, stress, apathy, lack of desire or REAL support affects much more then what's actually going in their mouths.

There all said, all done..... now on to Rainbows and kittens!

Let me get my wine..

Noire{Owned (NH)} • Nov 22, 2021

Ohhhhhh, let me roll out my alpha energy because.. I have time today sir…
You proudly linked a YouTuber who is portraying as a “visual consultant.”
A man who is popularly known in the “YouTube” community as “Kitten in Heels.” He not only disrespects woman of color but also men, or anyone who dare weigh over 200lbs. Body shaming is his game!
(As if someone’s dress size makes a difference in how they show up in the world.)

Mr. Kitten In Heels is also a very FEMININE man. Oh yes he is. Who I feel masquerades as a “HIGH VALAUE MAN.” Kitten also has multiple failed marriages on his extensive resume. The list is never ending ladies, gents, and non binary pals.

If trash bag pathology where a person it would be Mr.Kitten.

I digress..

This is suppose to be a space were people can come and express their insecurities. Without red pill/blue pill content being shoved down their throats. Saying things like “TRUE dominant,” “DO THE WORK,” “Be accountable,” etc. Without knowing a shred of any individual’s story. Is quite blasphemous on your end. Also a pretty good show on your disingenuous character.
Oh forgive me! That’s quite presumptuous of me! For I know nothing about you. However first impressions never lie..

As for this “podcast” itself. Is a biased opinion of yet another individual in the world. How convenient you’ve decided to align some of your ideologies with this dust bucket. As well as promote it on a kink based website. Where people have MANY fetishes and tastes including the PLUS SIZED COMMUNITY.
Dare I connect this with KINK SHAMING? Hmmm…it seems awfully close doesn’t it?

Bless your heart!!

However an opinion is an opinion at the end of the day. Just like mine! What you personally find unattractive is different to another. The majority of people, individually have their own taste.
Don’t force this low vibrational rhetoric onto people in general. Especially those who are expressing their open vulnerability.

Love,
Noire.

squickplay • Nov 22, 2021

You are beautiful. You are worthy. Your body grew and delivered life. That is an incredibly difficult and powerful thing to do.

The trauma your body experienced is probably not even close to the emotional trauma you went through.

If you have expressed your desire to change your body to your partner - they are probably going to try to help. Sometimes they lack the sensitivity required to help in away that doesn't make us feel diminished and disgusting to them. I feel like this is a communication issue on both sides. If you've lived with disordered eating traditional methods of weight loss can trigger some serious self doubt and obsessive and defeated thoughts and it's important to communicate that to your partner, and it's equally important for your partner to accept and respect that. Positive talk about small changes tends to be more helpful ways of support during this journey as opposed to outright telling someone how to "fix" their perceived imperfection. "Hey, I really enjoy the new way we're eating" "Experimenting with lighter cooking with you has been fun I would like to do more of this" "Would you be interested in a personal trainer or professional nutrition couch to help us navigate through this lifestyle change?" Is much more empowering and supportive than having a calorie counter or exercise app sent to us. But, as with anything communicating the support you would like to receive from your partner is key. If they have unrealistic expectations of you and your body then this is just not acceptable.

I hope this didn't come off as too sanctimonious.

S

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Nov 22, 2021

Oh, hey, i have a couple (of: "men, what you need to know")

1). Many (if not most?) of our notions and attitudes about women fly under the radar, i.e., are unconscious and part of our cultural conditioning. if a woman tries to tell you something about herself that seems to contradict your 'common knowledge,' it's a good idea to listen with an open mind if reality is your goal.

2). Stereotype: "Women are emotional, men are rational."
i got fired from a male dominated profession in exectutive management by a male CEO who didn't like that i pushed back when he instructed me i should "treat employees like children," i told him i thought that unethical. One week later he sent a minion with my walking papers. This was during the economic downturn of 2009 and the region i was running was tracking an 11% net increase, while the other four regions in this company under other directors, were operating at a loss. The CEO put his ego over profit, not a very rational decision.

Two days later, i was applying to nursing school and launched a new career in the woman dominated field of nursing. The women nurses i work with are some of the most balanced and reasonable people i have ever known!

Here's what i think. People are emotional, we all have capacity for feelings, we all have capacity for thought. i believe that, for a variety of mostly cultural reasons, that women are more in touch with how they feel, and are better at articulating about their emotions, than men. i don't think men lack emotion, but for various reasons, lack knowledge of their feelings and consequently often lack the skill to articulate about said (and unknown) emotions. i have expereinced that women are often more reasonable because they include the human element of emotions in their considerations and general make-up.
i don't think women are generally 'over-emotional,' but that men are more likely under emotional... aka, often oblivious about emotions in general.

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Nov 22, 2021

I absolutely agree with you there. Men in our society are taught that showing emotion is weak - other than anger. Boys get their feelings hurt and are told “be a man!” Punch someone because they’re angry and they get pats on the back .

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Nov 22, 2021

[quote="ButterfliesAndCuffs"]

RIght? It's not that guys don't have emotions, it's that we are often taught to deny or ignore them, which doesn't make us stronger, it handicaps us because there is often something real about us (our feelings) that we are unaware of, that we do not understand.

And anger? i think that male anger is often hurt in disguise. We are conditioned against our emotions, but that doesn't erase them, so they come out in distorted ways. Hurt comes out as "anger." Corner a man emotionally, or poke a painful spot, and watch the anger come out in full force.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Nov 27, 2021

Wow just wow. I left many pages ago to have shoulder surgery and Dom Pinnacle is STILL carrying on with this BS?

Dom Pinnacle I'm going to try something here. Odds are good you won't comprehend it but I hope others will and maybe then you will stop being a bitter, negative guy (based on your profile) who simply thinks he made some women angry. K? K.
............
My Sir passed in 2015. We had 6 years before that. He was an amazing man. as well as, a black man living in the US who was also raising a black son in the US. Even 6 years later I only grazed the surface of his experiences as such. Those distinctions and the history they brought made him always aware of different things. He noticed if he was the only or one of only a few of people of color at an event.

He noticed how white people reacted to him both men and women (which was different) and over time I noticed how they reacted to me being with him.
He was always alert and sensitive to his being a black man. He paid attention to any hate crime and any discrimination he saw or read about. This was a part of his history and no one could possibly tell him not to be alert and pay attention.

HIS history was a part of him and since racism or hate crimes have not gone away it made sense that he would be that way. He carried with him his father, grandfather, and all those he knew and loved and their stories of the struggle of race in this country. With all that he was still an amazing and grounded man with intelligence and value and while he might notice things or experience things, he did not always react to them aggressively.

However, on occasion when someone felt entitled to make jackass comments that pinged on the ugly history he knew too well, he might just have to step on them in one way or another. At 6'3" and ex-NFL and ex-military, he took stepping on others very seriously.

He had an inherent and appropriate sensitivity to those jackass moments and the only thing I can think of that made those moments escalate and worse was when said jackass felt unable to shut the fuck up and let it go. (See where I'm going here?")
............
It is fair to say that everyone has a story but some are much larger and much uglier than the average bad experience. However, bad experiences for certain groups of people can be crushing. And as such, those groups of people will always have strong and visceral reactions to the aforementioned jackasses. They will always have an inherent and appropriate sensitivity to those jackass moments and the only thing I can think of that made those moments escalate and worse was when said jackass felt unable to shut the fuck up and let it go. (Yes I am repeating. You seem to need it.)

I won't deliver a laundry list but you all should have some idea of groups of people who were or are persecuted for their race, religion, gender, or country of origin. At least I hope to hell so. I just read about honor killing and it made my heart break.)
............
Women as a whole are one of these very large groups that have historically been fucked over and shit on simply due to their gender/sex. Women are still not paid equally to men. (and yes you may know a rare example but that isn't the norm) It wasn't that long ago that female rape victims in court were asked what they were wearing that night, and how did they act that night, etc. Mostly for the male authorities to determine if they were "asking for it"

In 2009 I attended a breast cancer awareness luncheon to petition for medical research to delve into the incidence of BC in women of color which were at that time one of the lowest prioritized areas of research. Those women also had the least amount of health ins. and highest mortality rate.

It is still not illegal or I should say actionable by the victim when a man rapes his wife. Sure she can call the predominately male police force and good luck to her. I was one of those so spare me your strawman arguments. And it wasn't that long ago that the battery laws had to change because male police didn't act on a domestic call where a woman was being beaten. Coincidentally, not long ago the largest population of people beating their spouses were policemen and women. Nice huh? This was why the law mandated action. Still, it doesn't happen every time there is a domestic call. You can spare me your ideas on this too. I have the t shirt.
............
The point of this is simple Pinnacle. Just as people of color are sensitive to certain heinous things based on very real history (and often present) ugliness, so too are women and other groups sensitive based on their own history.

So No. A thousand times NO. You do not get to demean, badger, abuse, dismiss, belittle, disrespect, lecture, call out, or mock women based on weight or anything else. You are not good enough, smart enough, or right enough to do so.

When you do, you do more than "make us angry" you piss all over our own long history of it being okay for others to act those ways and treat us like we owe them something just by having girl parts.

It's a fucked up world and you do not get to decide what others should be angry about. You also certainly do not get to be this ignorant of the sensitivities of others borne out of their own very real and very palpable life histories and experiences. At this point, it is clear that you are working harder to be a dope than you would have to work to evolve a little. And that tells me that you have about as much right to judge women as a grape on the floor would.

As was said so fucking long ago, when you enter into a dynamic with another person what you both decide... how you both co-create your dynamic is up to you. No one can tell you not to treat her or him any certain way. Some people want that.

But to boast and brag and preen across nine pages of discussion as if you have the right to be the jackass you so clearly are, well, now... Just stop.
Men like you really make me miss my Sir. You, he'd step on and good.

I hope this helped someone out there who just didn't yet grasp that we all struggle with the cruelty of others.
H*

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Nov 27, 2021

Until I got a notification a little bit ago I had believed this thread had finally met it's well-deserved end. The whole thing had gotten sidetracked and derailed and the point got so lost so long ago.
Which is a shame because the OP was very interesting and it could have been a great discussion.
"This is my thing.
What is your thing?"
Awesome topic and I was looking forward to that conversation.
Hard to imagine how the whole thing would have shit the bed like it did if not for a few distractions.
Maybe a new, similar thread could be started now that the nonsense has died down?