Aftercare for Dom/mes?

Aftercare for Dom/mes?

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Jul 8, 2024

Here is a question I would like to see everyone's viewpoints on:

Should Dom/mes receive aftercare?

Yes, a s types need and should get aftercare after a scene is done, but what about the outside of the collar? They do a good deal of planning and work very hard to make sure everything goes correctly. They expend a great deal of physical, mental and emotional energy before, during and after.

So do they need/ deserve any special attention afterwards?

If so, by whom?
If not, why not?

Discuss:

UpFromTheAshes​(switch gender queer) • Jul 8, 2024

Oooh, I love this one. And my answer is unequivocally "yes."

Yes, absolutely, D-types deserve aftercare just as much as s-types, if they need or desire it. Not all D-types need it, not all want it, and some who do need or want it seek it from other sources than their s-type. Or maybe they provide it to themselves.

We all (should) know that aftercare is not a one size fits all sort of thing for s-types..... Neither is it for D-types. My former Dom (we'll call him M) needed aftercare as much as I did, after sessions. I needed hydration and cleaning up, and to be able to talk (for me, the talk could be light or heavy). M also needed hydration, cleaning up, and to be able to talk (for him, the talk needed to be light), and he also needed lots of physical contact. Our aftercare looked a lot like this: he would fetch wash cloths and clean us both up, then one of us (whichever one was most steady on their feet, so usually him) would fetch cold coconut water and we'd both drink plenty, then we would have naked snuggles for as long as I could stand it while we talked lazily together, and finally we'd tidy up any equipment/etc together. This met *both* of our aftercare needs.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Jul 8, 2024

In my limited history I would say the Dom/mes receive it when they give it. In my particular perspective, I see it as energy, riding high and dropping low. During a scene or event or what-have-you, both the submissive and the Dom/me are involved in the flow of energy, excitement and such. When you rise really high, you will drop equally low. If the Dom/me is involved, they'll be riding the same wave. I find the best way to recover is to be involved in the entire ride, top to bottom and back to neutral.

When a Dom/me provides aftercare for the submissive, they are also caring for themselves and receiving care from the submissive. And very much like @UpFromTheAshes indicates above, not everyone requires the same level. Some subs don't hit subspace nor drop; others hit it on any day ending in "Y"; while many Doms don't feel they hit a high or low since they are simply the tool for the sub to hit that spot. That doesn't just make them a glorified Battery Operated Buddy (BOB) but in many cases they don't go on a physical, emotional or energetic journey like the submissive does. So if the Dom/me is totally in it to win it and throws their all (mind and body, blood, sweat and tears) into the event, they will probably need to recover and might need a good old dose of aftercare.

Much like running a mile versus running a marathon. At the end of the race you might need a glass of water or you might need three days of recovery. It all depends upon how deep into the event you push yourself.

Good topic.

Miki​(masochist female) • Jul 8, 2024

Hate to reply to a question with a question but sometimes that can't be avoided. Add to the conversation this...

What specifically would you mean by "aftercare for dominants"?

Pampering?

Extra service around the abode?

...as with all humans, doms are variable beasts, but one common denominator is the D types have an A type personality and do not like being fussed over unless they ask for it.

So, even having never been into relationships, let alone twisted dynamics beyond a night or two or a weekend here and there, I'd wait until the creature indicates he wants something over and above the usual toils of a good service-sub.

But it goes without saying "aftercare" for subs, and in my experience masochists differs from what one would provide a dominant. I would need skin care for my back, ass and wherever else after a decent whipping / paddling. The dominant or sexual sadist howver might need a muscle rub if he really laid into me with the crop, whip, paddle etc.

Perhaps I'm just dense today, but examples thrown into any digital circle-jerk are always helpful.
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As for the rest... all the planning and setup and shit... The mere anticipation of subduing and the session as planned is sufficiently pleasurable to cause a male to pop a rod or occasionally a domme to get even a little wet.

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Personally, I'd not have a lot of sympathy for "all the work the poor gorilla has to do" to set up a session any more than I'd feel bad for the kid (relatively speaking, around 20 maybe) about to get laid by a very busty chick, lamenting the fact that he can't decide which melon to suck first.

Solace​(dom male) • Jul 8, 2024

Not sure about this one. I think the accepted answer is yes but it may actually be a no though.

In a perfect world, everyone gets what they need. Should Subs get after care? Of course, ladies and gentlemen please don't play with someone who doesn't provide aftercare. Should a Dom get after care? Yes.

But can they? Maybe not.

Plenty of people enjoy cuddling and other simple pleasures as aftercare, however, I've also played with and heard about some sweethearts who had more specific needs to efficiently recover. Its romantic to think that fulfilling the subs after care needs also recharges the Dom, but what if it doesn't? What if the Dom has some specific need?

Its easy to say the sub should learn this and fulfill it but after some particularly intense sessions I've had ladies who really are in no condition to do much thinking or standing. Their after care capabilities are limited at best.

Should they? Yes? But in practicality I think the Dom has to tough it out and occasionally go with out in some circumstances.

lambsone • Jul 8, 2024

Yes a Dom deserves aftercare.

I would throw my Dom/Master in a bubble bath with him sitting in front of me, leaning back against me and my legs wrapped around him.

I would caress his body lovingly with a soft soapy sponge while whispering the things I love about him in his ear. Then I would wash his hair and massage his scalp. (People love that soothing action.)

I might even get out from behind him, put my head under the water briefly and give him a quick blow job.

I would touch him all over and kiss him a lot. I'd rinse him and softly dry him off with a big fluffy towel while kneeling at his feet.

Then I'd lead him to bed, get under the covers with my head in his lap, his cock in my mouth and we'd fall asleep that way.

Aquarius Dom​(dom male) • Jul 9, 2024

As LL stated for me my aftercare is giving my partner the aftercare she needs at whatever level, some scenes are more intense than others so more care is needed!

Don’t forget both D’s and s’s experience different hormone flows during the play time, so what’s good for one won’t necessarily work for the other!

But general needs for me are in no particular order, reassurance that we are both ok, hydration, perhaps a sweet snack, hugs cuddles and snuggles , cleaning up each other, tidying up the area, perhaps a soft blanket, rest, recovery, chat when able, perhaps a review of the scene at some point !

Just my viewpoint we are all different and handle stuff differently!

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Jul 9, 2024

As with anything regarding dynamics, it all depends on the people involved. In my experience, aftercare is as important to the Dom as it is to the sub, especially in more intense activities where the Dom may have been especially rough or “mean”. Something as simple as snuggling afterwards and expressing how much you enjoyed yourself would help to quiet any doubts or worries that maybe he pushed too far or any other insecurities. It’s like an instructor said at a class I went to “sometimes after everything they’ve just done to you they need to know they’re not a terrible person”.
Discussion of what each person needs for aftercare is just as important as the other negotiations.

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Jul 9, 2024

Yes! As you know aftercare is very important to me and I love that time. And giving it is a big part of my own aftercare.
Dom and sub both may need or want it, and should have equal access to it. Often it is another form of intimacy that can strengthen a dynamic..

shebakesalot​(sub female) • Jul 9, 2024

Thisssss! I’ve found this to be especially true with Sadists. Like yes, you just beat the shit out of my ass and I’m a crying mess, but no, you are not an awful human being. The opposite, actually.



Also this. Every person and dynamic is different. Sometimes aftercare is needed. Sometimes not. Sometimes super involved. Sometimes not. Etc.

Great topic, Topeka!